跟外國人拍拖被歧視的經驗 – Racism in our countries: how it affects interracial couples?

You may have heard about recent anti-immigration march that took place during Independence Day March in the capital of Poland, and my hometown. There were many people participating just as people loving their country and proud of its history, but there were few thousands chanting “Death to enemies of the homeland,” and “Catholic Poland, not secular.”

My husband and I are both immigrants. It’s my 5th year, Sing on the other hand spent more than half of his life moving from Australia, to the US and now to Europe.

I’m all in for freedom of movement for valuable members of the society (as bad as it sounds, welfare immigration is not really that uncommon and sometimes I get mad seeing lazy people sucking off my really high tax), that are confirmed to have no ties to any radical groups and respect local culture.
I won’t watch GAA finals, nor I still don’t know most of the famous Irish people, but I don’t force my belief and my culture on my colleagues.

But I also understand why people can be scared. I won’t lie – I am scared to travel around major European cities as there have been so many attacks just within last year or so.
I’m also upset seeing young healthy men with iPhones newer than mine seeking for shelter, when they left behind women and children, and threw away any IDs. This is not a right way to take.

I guess a lot of people in my country feel the same, or even worse. 
Same for Sing – Hong Kong isn’t really a place where Middle Eastern immigrants choose to move, yet the racism is still kinda there.

How does all of that impact interracial marriages in Poland and Hong Kong?

Poland 

I guess a lot depends who is marrying who. Usually men get less comments than females marrying outside their race. Maybe people think women are more vulnerable or won’t talk back. I read stories of women in age of my mom, that got spit into their faces for marrying a black men. Their kids were called ugly names. 
Even father of one of the girls I know said ‘At least he’s not black’ when she introduced her non-white boyfriend.
It was supposed to be a joke, but I don’t think anyone laughed.

I can still see many comments like that under articles about mixed marriages. Look at the gossip sites mentioning the Kardashians – they will have at least few comments saying ‘All of them like black di**s’.

It gets even worse when it comes to marrying a Muslim or someone from Middle Eastern country. “Goat-rapists” are the NICEST things you can read. I cannot imagine what those women go through. I know the statistics – I know the divorce rate, but why bring a person down who just starts their relationship? What will you gain? Even if they break up, how does this affect you?
The most ironic thing is actually women from Islamic countries are the 2nd most popular ‘foreign’ bride when it comes to interracial relationship of Polish men.

I have to say being married to East Asian is actually ‘the easiest’ from all the XMWF marriages in Poland.
Someone I know once said ‘Asians at least bring profits to the country and they stay away from trouble’ so I guess this is why Sing and I hardly ever get any bad comments. And they are always online – never in the face, at least I can’t recall anything.

But I’m still bit scared when we go back to see my parents. I nearly got a heart attack when we took a bus and a guy with ‘No-ISIS!!’ beanie went inside. Don’t get me wrong, F*CK those MOFOS, but I wasn’t sure if the guy is only against terrorist or he might dislike something in Sing and then beat him up.
Luckily, nothing bad happened, but with more fear inside Polish society, I’m not sure how long this peace for us will last.

On the other hand, I have to admit Poland gets more opened – people still look at mixed couples, but it’s not as uncommon as before. Every year the number of interracial marriages registered in Poland increases, and most of them are between Polish women and foreign men.
I guess that’s a good sign and I truly hope one day we can find balance between keeping our country safe, but also opened for others.

Hong Kong – many thanks to Sing for his part!

You have to admit racism is a painful topic when you are in a foreign country. In our situation, racial difference is always a hot topic for people to pick on us. Sadly there is nothing much we can do, but this time I want to share with you the bad experience we had as an AMWF couple in different countries.

Generally speaking from our experience, racism in Hong Kong, Taiwan and China isn’t abusive, we see it as stereotyping instead of actual abusive behavior against interracial couples. A lot of people would think Hong Kong is very open for interracial relationships. I partially agree with that because AMWF in Hong Kong is consider good but not the other way around.

However, the feeling of being discriminated I had usually happens under unusual circumstances. Airplane was one of the places I felt being mistreated. I noticed for some reasons regardless of where I sit, I usually get served last. I made many observations of flight attendants to see if they like to serve from windows to aisle or the other way around, 8 out of 10 flights I was served last in the row and I remember one time I didn’t even get the choice of food! I also noticed flight attendants tend to serve white passengers before Asian. You might think I am very self-centered to say that before I just want to point out that Paulina usually gets served first. Also in restaurant Paulina also usually get a fork instead of chopsticks, isn’t a type of stereotype? She had to make special requests for chopsticks instead.

However, I know WMAF in Hong Kong is usually don’t give people good impression, in my opinion there have been many incidents that white male in Taiwan, China or Thailand showing off their “achievements” of getting laid with different girls, thus hurting the ‘genuine’ girls in love with non-Asians.

Without sound controversial, from my observations I noticed Hong Kong parents will classify children’s partners in the below levels.

  • Tier 1: Hong Kong/ Macau/Taiwan/ ABC/ Japan/ Korea
  • Tier 2: White from western countries
  • Tier 3: white from non-western countries / mainland China
  • Last tier: Middle East, Black and SE Asian.

Indeed, having different opinions towards AMWF or WMAF or AMBF or WMAF itself is already a type of racism, as long as can handle and respect each other’s culture difference, why put a tag on them?
It’s all about who you are, not what skin you have.

Comparing to Poland, it’s still easier for mixed couple (in my opinion), but it’s far from being ‘Not a racist place’.

What is your experience with racism in your country or relationship? What is your take on interracial marriages?
I’m opened for all brutally honest comments, as long as they are respectful to each other! We would love to know your opinion!

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27 thoughts on “跟外國人拍拖被歧視的經驗 – Racism in our countries: how it affects interracial couples?

    1. Okay, I know you had a terrible time in the midwestern U.S., but the U.S. coasts are different. California, especially, is very, very tolerant. Andy and I didn’t even get any flack in Utah, Southwestern Virginia, or Kentucky.

      Of course, it might be different now. Now, I might have to kick someone’s ass.

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  1. I have to admit that I’m insular about some cultural mixed marriages. If other one is western and other one is black (not christian), I just think they have too different cultures and assume automatically their marriage will not last, specially if it’s man who’s black. I just can’t be thinking off will that man treat his lady right! It’s also true that many of those couples will end up to divorce but maybe I shouldn’t be thinking off that instantly. Many of christian couples will also end up to divorce. Still, I don’t have any insulars to a couples of asian and western mix. That is because I think asians are more adaptive people.

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  2. For my wife and I we have faced the most issues in China.
    In Finland we had never really incidents except with some grumpy old lady who voted for far right and then ofcourse my favorite neighbour who called me an Nazi-Pig who should be killed and that I should watch out what I will do… (lovely woman, really…I kind of felt sorry for her husband and daughter, apparently she had fights with every neighbour, she even went as far as damaging our car several times)
    In Germany we had in the beginning problems as there were some nasty messages left at our door the first few months but it stopped (have two people in mind as those messages stopped when one woman moved away and another neighbour died). Besides that we only get some “looks” onthe street from time to time but we dont really care about it. As for the mentality Germans are probably similar to many of the Polish people as I heard often the points you mentioned in your post.
    In China…oh gosh what a nightmare at times. Randomn men shouting stuff at us, once I even got attacked by one guy who jumped me in the middle of a crowded road from behind – only got out of it as my dear daddy was walking with us and threw the guy with one arm away 😀

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    1. I heard Scandinavian countries are really opened! As for German lady… let me get this straight – you literally go against all the ‘white superior race’ concept and marry an Asian… therefore you’re a Nazi?! Now that’s a great logic 😂
      Sadly your wife and yourself will need to go through a lot of crap as usually Asian girl marrying an outsider is considered ‘sold for money and penises’ … but an Asian guy dating a foreigner? Good for you bro!
      I will never understand that logic

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, it was not a German lady, it was our neighbour in Finland who was that crazy 😀

        I will probably never understand why it is “okay” for guys to marry the foreigner but other way around it is called stealing away the women…

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          1. Whoa that is extreme but yeah that is what I mean. Remember from my college time a Chinese guy who was only after white girl but as soon as a Chinese girl would date someone “local” he was so furious, throwing stuff at the guy etc

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  3. I follow a few AMWF blogs/social media accounts, and the other day I saw one on instagram comparing low migration Poland with high migration Germany with the no. of terrorist attacks they’ve had. All the time she is doting on her asian boyfriend…

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    1. We had a person threw a pig head to a mosque… not the most non-Christian friendly place. On one hand I understand the fear built in the society, I’m scared too but actions like this won’t help. Then to be fair I also don’t have any solution in mind aside of deep background checks, just like in the US

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  4. I think Singh’s right about the airlines. They definitely stereotype based on race, and the Asians on the flights are more likely to get bumped or get crappy service.

    And damn, I cannot believe I would be a Tier #2 wife in Hong Kong! Grrr.

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    1. Hahaha… do you realize that you wrote “Singh”? I hope the Hong Kong prince is not offended 😉 Luckily I’m not categorized in any tier because even if Hong Kong men are the last human beings on Earth, I’d rather be a nun. I don’t remember being discriminated on SIA flights – one of the best airlines in the world. Maybe Cathay Pacific run by Hong Kong air stewardess even discriminate against their own kind. That’s why I never take Cathay even on sale. Hong Kong people like to think they are better than Mainland Chinese. In fact, their ancestors are from Mainland China too. Living in denial!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I probably have a sheltered view, having lived in NYC, Melbourne and now Hong Kong. I’ve been in many interracial relationships and in the US, probably most issues there were from black women (when boyfriends were black or mixed). Otherwise, no real issues.

    In HK, with my asian boyfriend, we don’t face really any issues aside from stares. Also, I think a lot of locals assume he’s an ABC or Japanese (give him English menus, speak to him in English, etc.) so they’re surprised when he speaks Cantonese. We were in a cafe in a more local neighborhood where my boyfriend grew up Mei Foo (aka not a lot of white people or tourists around) and someone said to him, “Wow your Cantonese is so good!” Yeah, funny, that’s because I’m from here! In Taiwan people seemed to be a bit pleasantly surprised by us and asked to take our picture. In Japan recently, we barely got noticed. That could just be the Japanese politeness, but it was really nice not to be stared at for awhile! My friends in NYC say AMWF is pretty common there now too so don’t even notice.

    I think AMWF couples probably have it easier in Asia. Sometimes I think people here are just trying to figure us out more than anything. We’re both a bit more creatively dressed, some tattoos, me piercings/nose ring/sometimes pink hair, he’s tall and good looking with facial hair… I think they just have no idea what’s going on lol. And we’re OK with that 😉

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  6. Great blog and great post! Very relevant to the current times. I’m Chinese, but grew up in America and my husband is Caucasian. It’s very true that Asians are the most widely accepted interracial couple for Americans, particularly Asian females with White males. Asians are typically thought of as educated, well-off, law-abiding citizens who contribute to American society. However, with our new president and all of the anti-immigration sentiments that comes along with his presidency, there has definitely been more attention on non-Americans in general.

    I know my mom (who grew up in China) definitely still has racist sentiments and stereotypes, especially when it comes to the significant others of her children. I know if I brought home a Black or Indian man, it would take my mom some time to truly be okay with it. My dad is a lot more progressive and Americanized, and I think it wouldn’t be hard for him, as long as he was a good person.

    Fortunately, my husband and I haven’t really experienced any sort of racism, even living in the South. This was not the case when my husband was dating his ex, who was half Black and half White. It’s ironic how far the U.S. has come in terms of equality but also how far there still is to go.

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  7. Racism does exist in Hong Kong,
    however, usually it is more like some sort of cultural discrimination rather than racial discrimination.

    I mean, you are unlikely to have troubles if you are able speak fluent Cantonese,
    but it is not the case in US.

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