跟外國人拍拖被歧視的經驗 – Racism in our countries: how it affects interracial couples?

You may have heard about recent anti-immigration march that took place during Independence Day March in the capital of Poland, and my hometown. There were many people participating just as people loving their country and proud of its history, but there were few thousands chanting “Death to enemies of the homeland,” and “Catholic Poland, not secular.”

My husband and I are both immigrants. It’s my 5th year, Sing on the other hand spent more than half of his life moving from Australia, to the US and now to Europe.

I’m all in for freedom of movement for valuable members of the society (as bad as it sounds, welfare immigration is not really that uncommon and sometimes I get mad seeing lazy people sucking off my really high tax), that are confirmed to have no ties to any radical groups and respect local culture.
I won’t watch GAA finals, nor I still don’t know most of the famous Irish people, but I don’t force my belief and my culture on my colleagues.

But I also understand why people can be scared. I won’t lie – I am scared to travel around major European cities as there have been so many attacks just within last year or so.
I’m also upset seeing young healthy men with iPhones newer than mine seeking for shelter, when they left behind women and children, and threw away any IDs. This is not a right way to take.

I guess a lot of people in my country feel the same, or even worse. 
Same for Sing – Hong Kong isn’t really a place where Middle Eastern immigrants choose to move, yet the racism is still kinda there.

How does all of that impact interracial marriages in Poland and Hong Kong?

Poland 

I guess a lot depends who is marrying who. Usually men get less comments than females marrying outside their race. Maybe people think women are more vulnerable or won’t talk back. I read stories of women in age of my mom, that got spit into their faces for marrying a black men. Their kids were called ugly names. 
Even father of one of the girls I know said ‘At least he’s not black’ when she introduced her non-white boyfriend.
It was supposed to be a joke, but I don’t think anyone laughed.

I can still see many comments like that under articles about mixed marriages. Look at the gossip sites mentioning the Kardashians – they will have at least few comments saying ‘All of them like black di**s’.

It gets even worse when it comes to marrying a Muslim or someone from Middle Eastern country. “Goat-rapists” are the NICEST things you can read. I cannot imagine what those women go through. I know the statistics – I know the divorce rate, but why bring a person down who just starts their relationship? What will you gain? Even if they break up, how does this affect you?
The most ironic thing is actually women from Islamic countries are the 2nd most popular ‘foreign’ bride when it comes to interracial relationship of Polish men.

I have to say being married to East Asian is actually ‘the easiest’ from all the XMWF marriages in Poland.
Someone I know once said ‘Asians at least bring profits to the country and they stay away from trouble’ so I guess this is why Sing and I hardly ever get any bad comments. And they are always online – never in the face, at least I can’t recall anything.

But I’m still bit scared when we go back to see my parents. I nearly got a heart attack when we took a bus and a guy with ‘No-ISIS!!’ beanie went inside. Don’t get me wrong, F*CK those MOFOS, but I wasn’t sure if the guy is only against terrorist or he might dislike something in Sing and then beat him up.
Luckily, nothing bad happened, but with more fear inside Polish society, I’m not sure how long this peace for us will last.

On the other hand, I have to admit Poland gets more opened – people still look at mixed couples, but it’s not as uncommon as before. Every year the number of interracial marriages registered in Poland increases, and most of them are between Polish women and foreign men.
I guess that’s a good sign and I truly hope one day we can find balance between keeping our country safe, but also opened for others.

Hong Kong – many thanks to Sing for his part!

You have to admit racism is a painful topic when you are in a foreign country. In our situation, racial difference is always a hot topic for people to pick on us. Sadly there is nothing much we can do, but this time I want to share with you the bad experience we had as an AMWF couple in different countries.

Generally speaking from our experience, racism in Hong Kong, Taiwan and China isn’t abusive, we see it as stereotyping instead of actual abusive behavior against interracial couples. A lot of people would think Hong Kong is very open for interracial relationships. I partially agree with that because AMWF in Hong Kong is consider good but not the other way around.

However, the feeling of being discriminated I had usually happens under unusual circumstances. Airplane was one of the places I felt being mistreated. I noticed for some reasons regardless of where I sit, I usually get served last. I made many observations of flight attendants to see if they like to serve from windows to aisle or the other way around, 8 out of 10 flights I was served last in the row and I remember one time I didn’t even get the choice of food! I also noticed flight attendants tend to serve white passengers before Asian. You might think I am very self-centered to say that before I just want to point out that Paulina usually gets served first. Also in restaurant Paulina also usually get a fork instead of chopsticks, isn’t a type of stereotype? She had to make special requests for chopsticks instead.

However, I know WMAF in Hong Kong is usually don’t give people good impression, in my opinion there have been many incidents that white male in Taiwan, China or Thailand showing off their “achievements” of getting laid with different girls, thus hurting the ‘genuine’ girls in love with non-Asians.

Without sound controversial, from my observations I noticed Hong Kong parents will classify children’s partners in the below levels.

  • Tier 1: Hong Kong/ Macau/Taiwan/ ABC/ Japan/ Korea
  • Tier 2: White from western countries
  • Tier 3: white from non-western countries / mainland China
  • Last tier: Middle East, Black and SE Asian.

Indeed, having different opinions towards AMWF or WMAF or AMBF or WMAF itself is already a type of racism, as long as can handle and respect each other’s culture difference, why put a tag on them?
It’s all about who you are, not what skin you have.

Comparing to Poland, it’s still easier for mixed couple (in my opinion), but it’s far from being ‘Not a racist place’.

What is your experience with racism in your country or relationship? What is your take on interracial marriages?
I’m opened for all brutally honest comments, as long as they are respectful to each other! We would love to know your opinion!

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40 thoughts on “跟外國人拍拖被歧視的經驗 – Racism in our countries: how it affects interracial couples?

    1. Okay, I know you had a terrible time in the midwestern U.S., but the U.S. coasts are different. California, especially, is very, very tolerant. Andy and I didn’t even get any flack in Utah, Southwestern Virginia, or Kentucky.

      Of course, it might be different now. Now, I might have to kick someone’s ass.

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      1. I knew in USA, there are some big China town. So I don’t think the USA does not accept chinese culture. But I am certain about their donot accept the communism. Because now, China as a communist country, they do not practice their traditions and cultures much like before the Flower Revolutions in 1970s. During the flower revolution in China, so many of the scholars and culturists, and even books about chinese traditions, like Confucianism etc were burned and destroyed leaving nothing.. Currently from the research the chinese people especially these 20 years above, they are more showing that they are communists and not chinese.. their race is still chinese, but their culture and their values and norms are very very different with the chinese traditionals.. e.g. long time ago, chinese people like to migrate etc, and they quiet opened to the western culture , but now, they some of them dislike the western, either their governments, or like human rights concepts, and gender equality and and gender violence and domestic violence, etc.

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  1. I have to admit that I’m insular about some cultural mixed marriages. If other one is western and other one is black (not christian), I just think they have too different cultures and assume automatically their marriage will not last, specially if it’s man who’s black. I just can’t be thinking off will that man treat his lady right! It’s also true that many of those couples will end up to divorce but maybe I shouldn’t be thinking off that instantly. Many of christian couples will also end up to divorce. Still, I don’t have any insulars to a couples of asian and western mix. That is because I think asians are more adaptive people.

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  2. For my wife and I we have faced the most issues in China.
    In Finland we had never really incidents except with some grumpy old lady who voted for far right and then ofcourse my favorite neighbour who called me an Nazi-Pig who should be killed and that I should watch out what I will do… (lovely woman, really…I kind of felt sorry for her husband and daughter, apparently she had fights with every neighbour, she even went as far as damaging our car several times)
    In Germany we had in the beginning problems as there were some nasty messages left at our door the first few months but it stopped (have two people in mind as those messages stopped when one woman moved away and another neighbour died). Besides that we only get some “looks” onthe street from time to time but we dont really care about it. As for the mentality Germans are probably similar to many of the Polish people as I heard often the points you mentioned in your post.
    In China…oh gosh what a nightmare at times. Randomn men shouting stuff at us, once I even got attacked by one guy who jumped me in the middle of a crowded road from behind – only got out of it as my dear daddy was walking with us and threw the guy with one arm away 😀

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    1. I heard Scandinavian countries are really opened! As for German lady… let me get this straight – you literally go against all the ‘white superior race’ concept and marry an Asian… therefore you’re a Nazi?! Now that’s a great logic 😂
      Sadly your wife and yourself will need to go through a lot of crap as usually Asian girl marrying an outsider is considered ‘sold for money and penises’ … but an Asian guy dating a foreigner? Good for you bro!
      I will never understand that logic

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, it was not a German lady, it was our neighbour in Finland who was that crazy 😀

        I will probably never understand why it is “okay” for guys to marry the foreigner but other way around it is called stealing away the women…

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          1. Whoa that is extreme but yeah that is what I mean. Remember from my college time a Chinese guy who was only after white girl but as soon as a Chinese girl would date someone “local” he was so furious, throwing stuff at the guy etc

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  3. I follow a few AMWF blogs/social media accounts, and the other day I saw one on instagram comparing low migration Poland with high migration Germany with the no. of terrorist attacks they’ve had. All the time she is doting on her asian boyfriend…

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    1. We had a person threw a pig head to a mosque… not the most non-Christian friendly place. On one hand I understand the fear built in the society, I’m scared too but actions like this won’t help. Then to be fair I also don’t have any solution in mind aside of deep background checks, just like in the US

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  4. I think Singh’s right about the airlines. They definitely stereotype based on race, and the Asians on the flights are more likely to get bumped or get crappy service.

    And damn, I cannot believe I would be a Tier #2 wife in Hong Kong! Grrr.

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    1. Hahaha… do you realize that you wrote “Singh”? I hope the Hong Kong prince is not offended 😉 Luckily I’m not categorized in any tier because even if Hong Kong men are the last human beings on Earth, I’d rather be a nun. I don’t remember being discriminated on SIA flights – one of the best airlines in the world. Maybe Cathay Pacific run by Hong Kong air stewardess even discriminate against their own kind. That’s why I never take Cathay even on sale. Hong Kong people like to think they are better than Mainland Chinese. In fact, their ancestors are from Mainland China too. Living in denial!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Agreed about the airlines thing – let’s just say I wasn’t exactly surprised when I saw the clip from United Airlines….

      My SO is similarly annoyed about her ‘I will never be as good as someone Chinese’ status, aka Tier 2 haha. I think being white is a bit odd, because you end up getting a mix of adoration, astonishment but also a distinct sense that you will never be one of them.

      The reasons my parents give for preferring someone Chinese (language, food) really don’t hold up, given that in my case many British Born Chinese (BBC) girls don’t speak Chinese or cook very well. I’ve actually learnt more about Chinese cuisine and restaurants from my SO than anybody else!

      So like Lina said, everyone’s partner should be Tier 1.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Andy was watching “The Mind of a Chef” recently and he was pointing out that one of the top Sichuan chefs was Fuchsia Dunlop — a British woman!

        If the BBC women are anything like ABC Andy, all they want to do is assimilate. It’s been me embracing everything from mooncakes to red envelopes. But what with my white privilege and Amazonian physique, I can do that without fear of ridicule from racists in a way that many first generation Americans can’t. Which pisses me off — how many traditions are being lost to the next generation? Thank goodness for the internet and all the AMWF bloggers in China, showing me all the Chinese holidays /history that Andy jettisoned. I’m bringing it all back (only I’m leaving the yolk out of those cakes because they’re nasty).

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  5. I probably have a sheltered view, having lived in NYC, Melbourne and now Hong Kong. I’ve been in many interracial relationships and in the US, probably most issues there were from black women (when boyfriends were black or mixed). Otherwise, no real issues.

    In HK, with my asian boyfriend, we don’t face really any issues aside from stares. Also, I think a lot of locals assume he’s an ABC or Japanese (give him English menus, speak to him in English, etc.) so they’re surprised when he speaks Cantonese. We were in a cafe in a more local neighborhood where my boyfriend grew up Mei Foo (aka not a lot of white people or tourists around) and someone said to him, “Wow your Cantonese is so good!” Yeah, funny, that’s because I’m from here! In Taiwan people seemed to be a bit pleasantly surprised by us and asked to take our picture. In Japan recently, we barely got noticed. That could just be the Japanese politeness, but it was really nice not to be stared at for awhile! My friends in NYC say AMWF is pretty common there now too so don’t even notice.

    I think AMWF couples probably have it easier in Asia. Sometimes I think people here are just trying to figure us out more than anything. We’re both a bit more creatively dressed, some tattoos, me piercings/nose ring/sometimes pink hair, he’s tall and good looking with facial hair… I think they just have no idea what’s going on lol. And we’re OK with that 😉

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  6. Great blog and great post! Very relevant to the current times. I’m Chinese, but grew up in America and my husband is Caucasian. It’s very true that Asians are the most widely accepted interracial couple for Americans, particularly Asian females with White males. Asians are typically thought of as educated, well-off, law-abiding citizens who contribute to American society. However, with our new president and all of the anti-immigration sentiments that comes along with his presidency, there has definitely been more attention on non-Americans in general.

    I know my mom (who grew up in China) definitely still has racist sentiments and stereotypes, especially when it comes to the significant others of her children. I know if I brought home a Black or Indian man, it would take my mom some time to truly be okay with it. My dad is a lot more progressive and Americanized, and I think it wouldn’t be hard for him, as long as he was a good person.

    Fortunately, my husband and I haven’t really experienced any sort of racism, even living in the South. This was not the case when my husband was dating his ex, who was half Black and half White. It’s ironic how far the U.S. has come in terms of equality but also how far there still is to go.

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  7. Racism does exist in Hong Kong,
    however, usually it is more like some sort of cultural discrimination rather than racial discrimination.

    I mean, you are unlikely to have troubles if you are able speak fluent Cantonese,
    but it is not the case in US.

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  8. For white-Asian couples in China, most likely it would help a lot if the non-Asian partner could speak some Chinese. I wonder in Poland about the occasional right wing expressions of dislike of non-white residents, never mind married there.

    With Lina’s hierarchy, I wouldn’t disagree. There’s some of that sentiment here in North America but depends if the Asian-North American were immigrants or 2nd/3rd/4th generation Americans or Canadians of Asian descent. However I am surprised that southeast Asians marrying mainland/HK Chinese would be viewed on par with pairing with blacks. In North America, there’s probably significant difference than in HK/mainland China, vs. North America since I know of Chinese descent here in Canada marrying those of Southeast Asian descent.

    My partner (who is of German descent but immigrated to Canada as a boy) and I were at a cycling conference dinner in Copenhagen, Denmark. I don’t anyone was even comfortable approaching us as a couple to chat during cocktail hr. It was over 300 people that evening. So we stood there, smiling politely.. This is what happens as a visibly racially mixed couple..in certain social situations where no one else is like that at all.

    At the table, the German guys though some knew English, didn’t speak to me..across from the table. I guess they viewed as a true non-English speaking foreigner. This I view as simply living, I’m sorry, living a narrow life, no matter how well educated they were. And they were.

    Keep in mind, I worked for a German global engineering firm in Vancouver. My experiences are here on interracial interactions and couples:
    https://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/drama-at-construction-sites-things-i-never-knew/1

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  9. In addition to myself and partner, I have 2 sisters who married Caucasian guys. I have 4 half-Chinese nieces and nephews from those 2 marriages. There is 1 sister married to a Chinese-Canadian guy with their 3 children.

    So as a family, we’re getting mixed.. It took a long time for parents to acknowledge the first marriage when it happened.

    Here is the eldest niece who writes romance novels and novellas: https://laurajardine.com/
    Did you know that in the English language romance novel world…that the better sellers are all white lovers. It’s still considered strange, marginal to have a romance novel of a mixed race couple or a completely non-white couple??? You see, the world must change even in the world of fiction!! If you see illustration cover of an Asian descent woman, not full face…yes, this is what I mean, marginal, weird/exotic.

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  10. I think as a result of brexit. Unfortunately some of these were friends of mine. In Hong Kong I also feel like WMAF is more common and accepted than the opposite. Thanks for posting about this!

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  11. Great post – here’s my take from a British AMWF perspective (I’m the AM).

    I must say your ‘tiers’ for preferred partners is spot on, at least when it comes to my HK parents. I would say though that for many East Asian parents I know, SE Asian ‘ranks’ above Middle Easter/Black/South Asian partners. In any case, I’m pretty sure my parents are holding out for me to marrry a Chinese girl one day, even though they know full well I’m a lot like your husband Sing when it comes to preferences (for different reasons – I basically grew up in an all-white neighbourhood).

    Special note about getting street cred for dating a white girl: it really pisses me off. I’m sorry, but it’s not a compliment to say that I decided to date my SO so I can have some ‘trophy’ white partner. It’s disrespectful and dismissive as to the myriad of reasons that result in a relationship (compatibility, attraction, love).

    As for racism towards AMWF couples, it definitely happens even in cosmopolitan cities like London. It’s just done more privately. My SO doesn’t really talk about it but she has mentioned hearing the usual derogatory commens about East Asian men due to dating me. She has been told that she has ‘yellow fever’, by both white and East Asian people, which understably infuriates her.

    On the other hand, I’ve ironically experienced negative comments from fellow Asians – usually girls who seems annoyed that I decided to date a white person.

    On the whole, I haven’t had a lot of trouble, but I feel there is an assumption by the parents (of both sides) that the current interracial relationship is just a phase that will hopefully fizzle out. Interestingly, the same people who are accepting of WMAF relationships here aren’t as welcoming when it comes to AMWF.

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  12. This is interesting. I worked before for AU government several years ago in Sydney. My father was a USA navy officer. I am from mixed backgrounds, East Asians (Chinese Japanese with European and Native American and Jewish), But I am majorly looking like Japanese. When I was studying my master degree, I was introduced to my classmate (now my husband), by some of my Australian white friends who worked for AU government as well, same like me. My husband, even he does not want to open publicly, from the conversation, he might have same roots like me, Japanese and European, and Jewish. But he looked much more like European, with dark hair and large eyes, not even like a half East Asian and European, who sometimes have smaller eyes. My husband, that time keep approaching me even until now. But there is an indonesian woman, with polish connections, who keep disturbing us, and keep approaching my husband, with all made up reasons, including keep trying so hard to separate us. Until I sent her messages 3 times politely to stay away from my husband, and to leave us peacefully and leave us to live normally. Guess what she is doing? she and her friends from asia, they use some photoshops advanced technologies, and created many fake pictures between her and my husband. We knew, my husband and me and my husband’s friends knew about the fake pictures, because she is above 170cm, while my husband is around 165cm, and I am around 160cm. These heights are with bare feet. And in all her fake pictures with my husband, even full body pictures without heels, she became only 145 cm next to my husband. The last time, she was captured using someone’s pic a IT blogger named Roxanne Cambridge (a Philipino beautiful woman with an Aussie husband), in this pic, Roxanne was in huge belly pregnancy, and without her consent, this bad woman, Sarbinowski she took this pic and posted in the internet, and showed to others to her team mates, that she was in heavy pregnancy, fathered by my husband. I was surprised actually, and I asked my husband, he said he never sleeps with her at all.. then we checked and found it was Roxanne’s pic.. found in Roxanne internet account.. that pic..

    The worst, she and her friends, raise the hatreds from the ultranationalist groups here.. from the nazi youth in Australia, and they keep disturbing me and my husband, including threatening to kill many times. She also spread malicious defamations against me and my husband, including threatening us and extorting us. Also she knew that I am still being helped properly and lawfully by the USA government veteran etc, due to my father working for them before. She and her groups, keep raising propagandas and malicious calls and insults based on their defamations, e.g. calling me as always often steal others husbands or guys, while these are unproven at all. I can provide the evidences from all my communications, because if you are dating with some guys, there must have been some kind of communications right? there is no any between me and other guys, beside me and my husband. She dares to raise the hatreds as well, by keep insulting the USA government, raising hatreds and insulting with derogatory comments that are no ground at all. Also, she even hires some people to attack me, like trying to rape me.. but unsuccessful. After that, she stalk me with her car, and shouted this way “Still saying Australia is better than Asia countries huh?? same!! go back to your home country!!”.. She is actually not born in Australia either same like me. She is said from indonesian background, but might have married a few times and one of her husband is Polish, with surname Sarbiwnoski or Srbinowski. Some said that she is mixed an indonesian and a white polish. But I had met her a few times, and she looked like completely asians not even like my eurasian cousins, who is a half done.
    Some tried to defend her by calling her as sexy so she deserves my husband than me. Also she has been asking my husband to stop dating me nor marrying me before in the beginning several years ago, with defamations from her that I am a bad woman like a mistress. My husband that time told me, and asked me to ask her directly and to warn her to stop stalking us, and to interfere in our marriage. Because she keeps bugging my husband, and dare using her groups, these hatred groups including muslims groups to attack me, because she knew that me and my husband are Christian, and she uses them to scare down us. My husband told me that she is very bad, and have told me that she is often recruiting women especially good women or Christian women for negative unlawful purposes, similar like jihadist brides recruiter. I firstly disbelieved my husband, and keep trying to be objective. But she and her team mates from iranian, suddenly approached me recently, and told me that iranian people are so rich, so I have to leave my husband for these iranians, otherwise they and her will keep making problems in our life. In other side, she raises hatreds against me to the AU government officers, especially the ones with lower educations than me and my husband, raising hatreds with inappropriate words, e.g. asian women always steal others husband and guys, then changed to christian women always steal others husbands and guys, then changed to insult the Australian women once she knew that I worked before for AU government and I am an AU citizen, etc etc.
    I was told by my husband, to be strong and to be patience, because she is only a very bad woman with huge envies, and keep trying to influence others with malicious unproven defamations against me and other married Christian couples. My husband told me that there are so so many mixed couples now in Australia, even like Kevin Rudd’s son in law is a Hongkong migrant to AU, Albert Tse, and the PM Turnbull’s daughter in law is a chinese american woman, and many others. About stealing others guys, whom I never do at all.. , actually my husband told me that there are a lot a lot women from all backgrounds that have stolen or destroying others marriages.. including the Australian women themselves, or the other backgrounds.. but they never raise issues like these.. and trying so hard like these.. I noted that she might have been doing these with multi purposes, e.g. raising hatreds and divisions against US or AU communities and governments.. and raising divisions between the East Asian communities with the Europeans and Westerners, raising hatreds against the Christians, etc etc.
    She was said to be mistress or former mistress of Indonesian government officer, named Tommy Suharto the son of ex president Suharto, the infamous dictator who keep persecuting the non muslims and chinese community, etc.

    So sorry I am talking sharing a bit about these.. but these are really occurring here in Australia..

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