你們討厭對方的事情 – things we hate about each other and how we get over them

Being in relationship can bring so much joy, yet it requires a lot of effort to maintain.
The biggest lie you’ve even seen in fairy tales is ‘And they lived happily ever after’ – Cinderella, Ariel or Snow White had to deal with their Princes’ crap, and vice versa. I bet Prince Charming loved to leave his socks everywhere and Snow White kept bringing friends over.

Even matches made in heaven argue or have things they can’t stand about each other. It’s absolutely normal. If I have to share my living space, my time and my life I have to find a way to get around the things that make me annoyed. Just because my cat will sometime throw up on the floor and it annoys me because it’s waste of food, cleaning products and free time I could use for something else than picking up her vomit, it doesn’t mean I will get rid of her. I will just give her little less food next time or grab her

Maybe it wasn’t the best comparison between cat’s puke and relationships, but I hope you know what I mean.
I annoy myself, I know I will annoy someone else but if we want to make it work, we need to find a middle ground or a way to get over it.

We’ve been married for over 5 years now, I think I can say we know each other well enough. We have things we love about each other, that I often mention in this blog.
But there are also things that drive us mad  and how found a way to cope with them.

Not very often, but I get e-mails saying ‘Oh, it’s so nice you have such good relationship’ or ‘I wish we were as happy as you guys’. People see what they are allowed to see.
So to show you all that it’s not only unicorns and rainbows here, I decided to break the bubble and show you the things we hate about each other. And how we got over them!

About my husband

  • The sock affair – the most stereotypical, annoying thing ever. But have you seen anyone fully dressed up in coat, just waiting to take his socks before anything else? We literally go back home to pick something up and Sing will already walk barefoot.
    I can’t stop this habit of his, but I make sure there’s always a pair of new spare socks so we don’t waste our time looking for the one he just took off.
  • The good advice – he just can’t stay quiet when I play video games. I’m fighting some big boss and keep hearing his mumble about how I should throw my punches or what weapon to use.
    I just imagine it’s him I’m beating up… the whole game is much more enjoyable. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he is happy he could help.
  • No privacy – I don’t mean things like checking my phone or Facebook, we know each other’s passwords, but there’s nothing to hide. However, I sometimes want to breath away from my husband.
    We live and work together, I don’t need him to talk to me when I use the toilet. Same for the cat, two creeps.
    Neither Sing nor Biscuit understands ‘Leave me along, I’m using the f***ing toilet’ I just turn the water and yell ‘Can’t hear you’. 
  • Being too slow – Sing is a weird mix of Cantonese and Shanghainese blood, yet he didn’t inherit ‘best husband is a Shanghainese husband’ blood, nor the speed of average Hongkonger. Actually he is the exact opposite. He is super-fast at work, he will find a solution instantly, but once he clocks out his brain stops working and speed rapidly decreases. If I ask you to do something, I mean ‘Right now’.
    If he’s too slow, I just do it myself and give him the look. The look says more than 1000 words.
  • Never remembers about ‘special dates’ – you would think if you’re in an interracial relationship you can take advantage of the cultural mix, but not with him. Chinese Valentines? White Valentines? Western Valentines? 7.7?
    I know he won’t remember on his own so in early January I just keep filling his work MS Office calendar with reminders. 
  • ApplePay in his watch – that’s a new thing, but annoys the hell out of me. Especially when it’s not working and Sing is tapping his watch on the card reader hoping something will change. ApplePay is not yet popular in Ireland so very often it’s the first time people see anyone trying to pay contactless with their watch.
    If I can’t pretend I don’t know that man, I just stand and pray it works so we don’t look silly. 

Sing about me 

  • Keeps forgetting about loyalty cards – she’s a procurement specialist yet, she keeps forgetting to bring all the loyalty cards when we go out. I can’t even count how many free coffees and burritos we missed because of that.
    What kind of specialist would miss freebies?
    I’m one step ahead, registered two Starbucks cards so I can have one copy with me and I keep most of the cards in the car, because I know she won’t have them. 
  • Fashion show everywhere – never have enough clothes to wear and wherever you go there’s a sweater or a shirt, or pair of jeans. Choose any of the rooms in our flat, it looks like you entered Primark!
    I won’t ask her to give away her clothes, but I sacrificed part of my wardrobe to ensure she has enough space for her own stuff and no fashion show lays around the flat. 
  • Dr Jekyll & Mr Hide – my wife is the sweetest girl in the world. Unless she gets mad, then you throw bag of sweets on her and run as fast as you can. The worst thing is I never know when the mood changes and I’m in the danger zone.
    I do the same thing I do with my mom – I let her rumble about whatever she wants to, let it all out and wait until she calms down. There’s no point in doing a thing, or hugging – have you ever seen anyone calming down after you said ‘Calm down’? 
  • Self claimed foodie photographer – probably as one of many, many guys I’m the cold-food-victim as my partner spends too much time taking pictures of the food. The worst case scenario is my ramen gets soggy. Have you tried something that bad?
    Depending how important that is – for blogging – I let her take her time. But I will also try to eat from the side that cannot be seen on the picture, because I’m just freakishly hungry. 
  • The rice is not washed long enough – she will blame our rice cooker that if the rice is washed too long, it will get soggy, but if my mom seen it, she would complain about bugs in our stomachs.
    If we get into fight over rice I end up cooking the dinner. And I wash it long enough. And it indeed is soggy…

In my opinion it’s bit more difficult for international and interracial relationship. The language we use to communicate the most is not our native language, so when we argue we sometimes get more frustrated that we cannot find the right word rather than the thing that started the argument. 

But if you love each other and the annoying thing doesn’t harm you, you can find a way to live with it. No one’s perfect, no one’s relationship is perfect either.
If you’re not happy, then it’s OK to leave, but you need to keep in mind there’s no such thing like ‘ideal relationship/partner’ and your next partner will drive you mad, in some ways. 
That’s how it is when you start sharing your life with someone.

What about yourselves, guys? What is the most annoying habit of your partner? How do you learnt to live with it? Maybe your advice (better than Sing’s!) will help other couples!

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12 thoughts on “你們討厭對方的事情 – things we hate about each other and how we get over them

  1. I hate that my husband never puts things away, so I guess I sympathize more with Sing! I’d be stuffing your clothes in a trash bag and giving them away. 🙂

    Andy’s like Sing, too, though — I’ll rage and yell and he’ll just let me wear myself out or wait until I’m making sarcastic jokes to speak again. Sadly, he does not know about throwing sweets on me and running. That seems an excellent technique.

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    1. I sometimes respond to him saying ‘I would put my clothes back if I didn’t need to investigate the case of missing socks’ haha 😀 I high-five with Andy on our fashion shows 😀
      Bag of M&Ms usually works for me, but you need to let him know it has to be a whole pack, not just teasing with few sweets – that would make me mad even more! 😀

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  2. O wow! That’s a pretty sensitive topic LOL What you’re saying is so very true. Too many people only see the smiley faces on FB/IG. All couples have these quirks. Couples that tell me their spouse is perfection has to be lying. My hubby and I are married for over 5 years too. I doubt that he will be pleased if I even write about him in my blog. I am definitely envious that Sing is so supportive of your blog (and that he pens it occasionally).

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    1. He has no choice haha 😀 but to be fair to him I always let him read the posts before publishing to see how comfortable he feels with such level of exposure. I think once we have kids I won’t be posting too much about them – I remember many years ago one Polish singer publish pictures of her son covered in poop… now he’s a teenager that gossip magazines write about, imagine if some of his friends digs those pics up! Luckily they were too young at that time to know about this haha

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  3. This made me giggle! Thank you! You can get him with the Stocard app. All your store cards on your phone. It works without internet so you’re good to go! It’s free and all you have to do is take a photo via the app of the cards. 🙂

    P likes to throw his socks in the laundry basket inside out, then complains when he goes to put them on they’re not washed properly as they’re still inside out. My response, I haven’t got time to turn your socks back the right way so deal with it or turn them out when putting them the basket. He still throws them in the basket inside out!

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    1. Don’t even say things like that! If my Momzilla read it she would get a heart attack 😀 and as for the app, I will definitely let Sing know! That also means I need a bigger phone, only 16GB – won’t have enough space on all those loyalty cards haha 😀

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  4. Lina, this makes me laugh a lot. Everyone has their own quirkiness and we can’t change that! I love the fact that you are brave enough to write it. As for forgetting special dates, I am really bad at it too. Now living in the Netherlands, I recently found out this typical Dutch thing called the verjaardagskalendar (translated as birthday calendar) that is commonly hung in the bathroom of many Dutch households. It is a calendar without the day of the week and you can fill in all those special dates. Now Sing can be reminded of all those dates everytime he is on the throne! How romantic! xD

    https://bitterballenbruid.com/2014/02/17/bathroom-calendar/

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  5. I write such daring posts. Fortunately, you both seem to have figured out ways to tolerate the things in your partner that bug you. Also you’re smart enough to know that perfection is not possible. I liked your intro about the cat.

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  6. When we went to the consulate to register our marriage, the consul asked exactly this question. What I hate about him? Haha! He has some quirks, but nothing that deserves me getting angry about it (for the moment! We have been living together for almost 5 years).

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  7. I don’t know about the annoying things I might be doing (certainly tons of so my wife is a real fighter for still enduring me). About my wife though, well there is certainly the point that she wants to travel everywhere but as soon as we make plans the doesn’t want to go anymore because it is too expensive…then is the the thing of complaining of having zero hobbies but yeah, she does not even want to really start anything as she prefers staying home eating snacks and watching tv shows 😀

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