我老公所謂的介女金句 – my husband, the pick up artist

Whenever I have my post planned, including THE BIG SECRET REVELATION, Sing does or says something so ridiculous that it forces me to completely change my plans.
Now you can thank him for delaying that important moment. Post about Sing being a pick-up artist is more important.

It all started during our weekend getaway. We normally would hang around the ocean or in the woods, take some pictures, chat, go home and prepare for another week of hard work. When we talk, we discuss very random things. The moment Sing grabbed my hand while we were walking, he said ‘Do you remember that guy in London?’.

You won’t know The London Guy. TLG is a term we used for young Asian fellow walking toward Winter Wonderland with extremely pretty British girl. It could be just one of those things you see and forget, but not us. We went completely into full ‘stalker mode’ and we were following them around for around 2 kilometers, including inside the Winter Wonderland. I’m actually surprised they haven’t noticed they had a tail.

Why you think we stalked them? Because they could possibly be another AMWF couple that we get excited about? The truth is, we wanted to see the romance being born in front of us, but what we’ve seen was just sad. You could see they both walked so close together, TLG’s hand was hanging there just bumping into her hand but he never grabbed it. Non of our business, you would say, but Sing got so upset like it was him being rejected.

We were following them for a while and Sing would mumble to himself things like ‘Just grab that hand’ or ‘That isn’t so hard, you’re good looking, bro’. At least he didn’t compliment his eyes the way he did with my dad. Never, ever told another man he has eyes like Brad Pitt unless you want to flirt with him.

Sadly, at the end we lost the maybe-future-couple and could not see if the guy manned-up or did he stay in the friendzone. But that made me realize my husband now considers himself some kind of ‘pick-up artist’ proving that Asian guys CAN DO IT.

To make matters worse, aside of having successful 1.5 girlfriend plus a wife (half as he confessed his feelings and she just stopped talking to him), some of you who read my blog and then write to us make Sing feel like a dating God. He would put his very little dating experience into other couples and try to hook them up like they were two Sims.

I’m not saying he’s that bad, he had his moments when he was actually useful, like in this post 他的交女友指南 – my husband’s dating advice but most of the time that’s not how it works.

And today, again, he thought of TLG and for around half an hour he would say things like ‘When you’re so close, why don’t you just grab that hand?’, ‘Or he could say he can warm her up’ (yes, if he wants to get slapped in the face), and of course my favourite ‘How difficult is that? Just be shameless’. Sing was shameless, that’s actually true when I think about it. He confessed his feelings really fast and said it straight to my face that he will wait until I am ready for new relationship. I wonder, how long would he really wait?

So if you decide to drop us a message like ‘Oh Gracious Sing, supreme leader of Asian dating scene, father of AMWF relationship, could you please kindly let me know how to make western girls crazy about me? Aside of course being you, your gloriousness.’ or ‘White chick, how date’ be prepared for response like:

Be confident
Be shameless
Grab her (but not by the kitty-cat)
Be like Adidas – impossible is nothing
Don’t be cheap

Be also prepared that he probably did not use any of the advice he ever gave you. You know that person that always gives advice but is never in relationship? That’s Sing during his youth. Now since he successfully got married (nearly 5 years this July!) and since he gets such a flattering fan-mail from you guys, he started to think of himself like an Asian Dating Guru that will help you to get any woman. Because all women love overly attached creeps.

Comparing to the western dating ‘artists’, Sing might sound silly but there’s a huge difference. People like that funky Bond guy treat women with no respect, treating them like one night stands, showing it publicly. Here is ‘the art of pick-up’ by Sing – version extended.

Be confident – don’t be afraid to tell her she is beautiful to you or how much she means to you
Be shameless – if it’s not you, someone else can confess the feelings to her, do you want to live in regret?
Grab her – if she rejects your hand holdhing hers, that’s fine. Say ‘sorry, I got a wrong impression, just wanted your hands to feel less cold. Do you want gloves?’.
Impossible is nothing – if Sing and his superman curl could seduce a women, so can you.
Don’t be cheap – but to some level, no woman is worth senseless (keyword) debt

Would I consider Sing a ‘dating Guru’? Hell no. To me he is still my cute little shy potato laughing from my jokes. I think that is what keeps us together – me telling jokes and him laughing at them.
Would I say his dating advice are valid? Well, 2.5 relationship experience can’t lie.

What would you do if you were The London Guy? Do you think him and the girl are now a couple? What dating advice would you give to someone like TLG? Let us know, we are so curious! And please no more love-mail to Sing, he is getting so cocky! 🙂