I recently realized my husband and my sister in law are best example of dating problems in Asia. But let’s go back to the beginning.
Every now and then Sing will get a call or text from Momzilla with ‘family gossips’. The three of us are like a CCTV or Big Brother of the Chan family. We know everything about everyone. And yes, I got involved in that as well – family that gossips together stays together.
The newest family gossips was that my sister in law and her boyfriend split up. It kinda sucks because in my head I was planning her wedding – should we do it in Hong Kong or in Shanghai? Will she have two dresses? Will that be a Chinese banquet or maybe she will ask her Western older sister to help out with a Western style wedding?
I even knew what dress I will wear. Their break up screw up my plans, now I need to keep on dieting to stay in shape (round is also a shape). If they got married, that would be it. No more family occasions that I need to attend, can finally be a lazy person I always been.
Not this time.
I kinda understand why the boyfriend broke up with her – he had that last bit of sanity telling him ‘Get the f*ck out, you’re going to be stuck with Momzilla. Use an example of that gwai mui. GO, GO, GO‘.
I’m actually happy that my experience helped other people. Sacrificing myself for greater good.
But to be honest, I’m here now, joking with you and hoping my little sister in law really thinks ‘It’s all better now’, yet I know that’s just the beginning of new problems.
Sister in law and me are both at the same age. We were born exactly month apart in 1991. Next year, I will be married with Sing for 5 years and she will be 26 and not married. I don’t know which one is more alarming to the rest of the family – 5 year being married and ‘no accident’ or an ‘expiring daughter’. I can only imagine outside grandma has a little red an loud alert going on when I have my period or when sister in law gets one month older.
I think dating in Asia is really hard, for both men and women.
First of all non of them are encouraged to date when being teens. I’m in the middle – I want my child to date, but not like some of those 12 year old kids kissing at the gas station. Made me gag. But 16 or 17 going for a dessert after school? Sounds fine.
Not in most of the Asian households I know. Work hard, focus on school, get good grades, get to good university, graduate as top student. And at the you pick up your diploma you will hear ‘So when you’re getting married’? Sing was never really pressured into marriage as he’s so handsome, smart and perfect that, according to Momzilla and WahWah no girl would ever resist him hence no problem with him getting married and fertilizing an egg.
When my sister in law started to date her ex boyfriend he was judged from day one. How old is he, what is he doing for living, can he afford to take care of both of them in case something happens. Who is his family, are both parents alive, living together or split. I’m surprised the family did not give him a questioner and a tax form to fill in. So even if everything goes well according to ‘Dating life cycle’ there’s still no guarantee that’s it.
Like it or not, family can split a couple. It doesn’t matter if it’s East or West, they have the power. In Asia, however, they have even more influence on the couple. There’s no official reason why sister in law and her ex split up, but I think it’s all the pressure he had from the grandma and the rest of the family. You would think at least Sing would be on his side, as I believed there was a secret ‘Penis Society’ but even he was judging the boyfriend.
The one who should be on his side betrayed him. Sing himself struggled with getting a girlfriend, was seen as ATM, had problems with getting common topics and was socially awkward (despite what his parents think of his Highness) yet he said he wish his sister had a different partner. No bro code when it comes to family members, huh?
To make matters worse, even if everything worked out fine between two people and their families, there’s still a problem of space and privacy. Try to make Momzilla knock the doors before entering the room. We learnt it the hard way.
We read so many post on forums, written by people slightly younger than us and complaining they can’t even get slightly more intimate with their significant other as there’s no privacy at home, nowhere to go besides a hotel…
Society, family, environment – being born in Hong Kong or China already defaults your dating game to the difficult settings.
Now my beautiful, smart and kind sister in law will be treated as a woman of worse category in the eyes of some part of society. First guys will complain about princesses, but then won’t turn their heads to girls older than 27. Same the other way, girls will complain about guys being asses, but will reject the kind ones ‘because they are too nice’. It’s silly, don’t make everything so complicated! Let’s all of us who are now struggling, give a chance to someone they thought they would never date. Who knows if that’s your soulmate?!
Also, finishing my post, I wish to say we should stop using term ‘leftover women’ in a negative way. It’s supposed to be shown as someone was unwanted, but who doesn’t like leftovers?! Tell me, if you wouldn’t be happy to see that you still have a slice of pizza from last night. It’s still good and you will love it!
What is your opinion on this topic? Who do you think have it worse – guys or girls? Do you think it’s the same in Western culture? Let us know, we would like to read your take on this!