Over a year ago, after a long break, I landed a job in the same company as my husband. You may remember my ‘與老公一起上班 – working with a spouse‘ post. I was so eager and excited. It was not only opportunity to finally socialize with other people, but I could also spend more time with the man I love and get some real work experience to my resume.
Today, I feel like a loser and a winner at the same time. I gave up all the ambitions and goals for this job. I feel ashamed to admit this, as I do not like to quit. I once told Sing we will be married until one of us dies because I don’t like quitting. So far, so good.
But I’m also happy work has not become me, it doesn’t define me and that at the end, it did not bring me down.
I will try to make this story short.
Last year when I started my current job as RMA/RTV administrator it was just me and my boss. He wasn’t officially named as ‘the boss’ but he taught me everything. System work, logistics, how to handle human relationships on business level. I love that man and he is someone I can always go to if I’m confused. He is also a die-hard Chelsea fan so of course Sing was happy that he will be looking after me.
I did the best I could, I picked up the way our system works in no time. I was on my own after a month, without my then-boss supervising me. Longer I was in the company, harder I worked. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I got this job because I’m really good and not only because I’m a manager’s wife.
I would respond to my e-mails at 11PM just to provide the correct postal code so our super-important-customer gets his part withing next business day. I also learnt that Fedex is more reliable than UPS when it comes to fast delivery, however UPS is cheaper.
I would spend an hour on a call with a vendor and do the logistics for a node for another super-important-customer.
I didn’t need anyone to tell me what to do, my colleagues would rely on me and feel confident asking me for help. I was proud of myself and so was Sing. We made a great team, I’m not only his wife but also his left hand. Right hand is production team lead, you pervs.
Our department was growing, we got a new guy in and one of the other colleagues got moved to our department as well. I knew that my then-boss will soon get a promotion to a different department. It motivated me even more – I thought it’s my time to shine, I will finally be a team lead. I had the knowledge of this department, I had the experience, I had people’s respect and trust. What else a good team lead needs?
Apparently something else, because it was not me who got promoted.
A guy who got moved from production became my boss. Someone who has not been fully trained, who doesn’t have the same knowledge and experience. Someone who still was makes plenty of mistakes till today. Because of lack of his knowledge, he misleads the other teammate, he slacks of the important tasks, his productivity is very low. Like, very low – for my over 300 orders in 3 months he did only 40.
To be is great at customer service and talking, but he is terrible when it goes to RMA/RTV itself.
He is not a person that anyone trusts. All the tasks will go to me at the end, because people know how he works. He is not a leader, either, because I openly said I won’t listen to someone who cannot even approve his own orders and I do not have time to babysit him. After a year in the company, 6 months in this department and 3 months as my official team lead it should not happen.
I know it sounds bitter and I was bitter for a long time. I had that anger inside me – ‘Why him and not me?’. And what would make me the most annoyed was the fact my new-boss was making silly mistakes I had to cover up and wasted my time. I would come back home and swear at the-supreme-team-lead. I wasn’t happy and it was killing me inside.
I couldn’t sleep well at night, I didn’t eat much, yet due to stress I couldn’t even lose weight. That would make me annoyed even more because I would blame myself how I suck so badly I cannot even lose weight in a situation a normal person would. I tried telling myself to suck it up, but it didn’t help.
Sing kept saying ‘If you really don’t like it, tell it to the guy who promoted Supreme Team Lead’. For a long time, I hesitated. I told Sing ‘What will this change? What good it will do?’. And I kept shut until last week. I had enough of Supreme Team Lead’s slacking off, problems he is causing and the workload I’m getting when he does nothing.
I spoke privately to our vice general manager who promoted him about all the things that were bothering me, including how come STL got promoted but I wasn’t even considered? I swear to you, if I could get away with slapping him, I would do that. I never felt so disrespected as the moment he said ‘I don’t know, I don’t have time for this type of conversation’.
It was the moment something inside me broke. I knew there’s no return from that point. And it made me happier. It’s like that moment when you realize your relationship won’t work out and you just let it go. Do you know that feeling of relief?
I still feel upset about what happened, but I feel like I cut ties with my work. I won’t check my e-mails that often, I uninstalled the app from my phone. All of the sudden I have much more space on my phone to take pictures of food and Biscuit the cat.
I don’t feel that pressure when I’m asleep. I haven’t had a work-related dream recently, which is a huge change as well. We try to talk less about work and more about future. How much should we save before having a baby, where to go during our trip to Hong Kong and Tokyo, should we keep buying that cheese-bread at Lidl?
Even my workaholic Sing changed a bit. He said he was proud of me before confronting vice-GM, but now he is even more proud. Well, at least one of us has balls in this relationship.
Sing will engage more in cooking or help me around the house.
Very wise man told us few years ago ‘Don’t let work become you. Why would you want to spend time on work, when you can enjoy precious moments with your family?’. And the moment I let all out all the steam, this sentence start making sense.
Why would I waste precious time I could spend with Sing or our friends for a boss that won’t appreciate me? I know people can count on me. I made my husband proud, I made my parents proud. I made good friends at work that I can talk to about anything.
I won’t quit this job just because I don’t like a person or two, that would be silly. But this harsh experience taught me how to balance my life.
To be honest, I’m so jealous of you who can say ‘I love my job, I’m so happy doing it’. And I wish you all the best. For those who are not so fortunate, I hope one day you will be able to say the same thing.
Let me know how do you feel about your work? How do you handle everyday responsibilities? Share your stories and experience!