4 more Burrito Wednesdays and I’m free. My first post in the year of Monkey, about my Monkey. And no – that’s not racist, Momzilla was born in the year of monkey. Now imagine a monkey riding a tiger and and pulling hair of little, fluffy, innocent sheep that’s married to that tiger. That’s basically last few months of my life.
To be fair, it’s not as bad as you may think it is, but it’s not easy. Where’s Momzilla, there’s drama. Lunar New Year celebration won’t change it. It will even make matters worse. I try to be as honest as possible with you – I love my mother in law but I’m sometimes really tired. I swear to you, I will nominate myself to Nobel Peace Prize. What I expected to be a fun time that will make us all closer, ended up as 4 act drama.
Act 1 : Food drama.
Living in Ireland makes food shopping for Sing much more difficult. A lot of products are either unavailable or extremely overpriced. After finally convincing Momzilla that we should make a big deal out of this New Year celebration, we went on the food hunt. Never again. We went to 5 different oriental supermarkets in 3 different cities. She studied each of the product very carefully, always comparing the price to Hong Kong, China or other two cities. Each time we spent around 1 or 1.5 in a store collecting only one or two things and complaining on the way back home about prices in Europe.
Later on she found that one of the malls sells fake glass noodles – you know, those that look exactly the same, but there’s one more/less stroke in the sign. She later on went on a quest to find them all. No, Momzilla – this is not RPG, nor Pokemon, you don’t need to catch them all and make us beg God for mercy. Of course each time complain about price/size/color/font on price tag.
After this I’m not even visiting Lidl or Dunnes Store with her in case she will want to drive an hour to Cork because lettuce there is half price.
Act 2: Decorating drama
You won’t see that in our latest vlog, because by that time we had it all sorted out. But if you think such a nice thing like decorating can be drama-free then guess what, you’re wrong.
Aside of the fact that we had to lie to her about prices of the decoration (‘That fake fire-cracker? Only 69 New Taiwan Dollars, see? 10 euro? I don’t know where you’ve seen that but it’s definitely not the price we paid!’), she decided that if we want to do it ‘the proper way’ we do it ‘her way’. Because her way is always the proper one. All of the sudden she became feng shui expert. She would move stuff around the house in order to make sure Fortune God brings us the biggest fortune and that those two monkeys will be twins that I will bare for her (yes, not for us or myself – for her). I was only waiting when she starts doing tai chi in the middle of the room.
Luckily for everyone, we agreed on the fake firecrackers and lanterns so no mother in law was harmed during decorating. Because it’s our house and not our rules.
Act 3: Family relationship drama
I thought the worst is gone, but then THIS happened. Momzilla’s family. If you think she’s *insert appropriate adjective*, her family is twice as bad. I kid you not. I visited them once in 2012 and until 2022 I’m not going back there. FBI and tax revenue could learn from those people.
When I forced Momzilla and Sing to call the shanghainese part of the family, I didn’t know how much trouble it will bring. During Christmas my family exchanges wishes with other family members and that’s it. 5 minutes, done deal.
NOT FOR THEM. They pick up the phone and interrogation starts:
Sing: Nabu, happy new year. Sing speaking.
Grandma: Oh, oh, oh. Sing. How are you in Ireland?How much do you earn? How much Na does earn?
Sing: XX,XXX and YY,YYY.
Grandma: Why so little?
Sing: I earn more than most of Irish people.
Grandma: You’re Chinese. When will you have a raise?
Sing: I don’t know.
Grandma: Can you afford a flat with that?
Sing: We’re buying one right now.
Grandma: How big is the mortgage? How many year you have to pay?
Sing: Maybe 5.
Grandma: Why your mom won’t buy flat for your sister?
Sing: I don’t know.
Grandma: Do you have a baby?
Sing: Not yet.
Grandma: You’re married for almost 4 years, where’s the baby? You or Na cannot have one?
Sing: We just want to wait a while.
Grandma: Don’t wait, your cousin will be making second one soon.
And it went on and on for an hour. In my mind I hoped my 25 year old non-married sister in law can save the day with her ‘expiration day’ but apparently my uterus was in the center of attention that night. I have to say, I like Wah Wah’s (my father’s in law) family more – you can shorten the whole conversation to ‘Mhm, mhm, thank you, bye’. I swear to you, I have no idea how those people are still married after more than 30 years. Guess it’s true, opposites attract.
Act 4: Infamous BB-drama
Of course, after grandma and grandpa talking about babies for almost an hour had to activate ‘Give me a grandchild’ mode on Momzilla. But this is funny, rather than annoying. For straight 3 hours she was saying things like ‘Don’t worry that I’m next door, I can’t hear you anyway‘ or ‘Monkeys are smart, good time to make a baby’. In the end she even got upset that her convincing doesn’t make us any more hornier she started threatening me with ‘Bad wives who don’t make babies will be dumped‘ and ‘Sing will get sick if he doesn’t make a baby‘.
I don’t know what she had in mind saying this, but guess what – didn’t work out too well. Still no grandbaby on the way.
The whole preparations and celebration were crazy. Momzilla is crazy. Her family is crazy. But Sing and I are also bit crazy.
I sometimes feel hopeless, sometimes I feel annoyed, but at the end of the day I will be happy to have them as my family and I’m glad we had a chance to celebrate the beginning of Lunar New Year together.
I’m actually looking forward to next year, hopefully with her, Wah Wah, Sing’s sister and maybe a little BB (so grandma can start asking ‘When you’re going to have another one?!’).
How was your Lunar New Year? Did you do anything special? Or maybe you had some crazy family members over, just like I did? Share your stories and experience!