奶奶大人之醒覺 – Momzilla awaken

I’m sorry for the delays in my regular posting schedule. Luckily this weekend, I had few days off which I used as a getaway from Momzilla, because she was very close to driving me mad. On the other hand, she’s an excellent blogging material. I bet talking about Lunar New Year triggered the following events…

We all knew it will happen, but no one knew when. In-law Wars – The Momzilla Awakens. After a month she spent with us she finally became her real self. Constantly complaining and unhappy self.

I swear to you, I’m one of the most patient people you will meet in your life. I’m basically married to a big baby who constantly asks ‘Why?’ and whom I have to protect from tripping every now and then. Sing can ask me bazillion times about something but I will stay calm. My cat can scratch the shit out of me and I won’t be bothered by that.

And there you have that 152 cm of evil that just waited to strike. Even at work people ask me why I look so image2miserable. It’s because I feel so down, not being able to make Momzilla happy.

She’s not a bad person, I know in her twisted little mind, underneath that terrible wet-looking perm she might be thinking she’s doing everything to make us happy, but so far she’s not doing a great job in making my life better.

Please, don’t underestimate her, she looks like an innocent old lady with bad hairstyle, but once she starts complaining she can talk about that one stupid issue for a week or longer.

She’s a walking contradiction. Let’s go through some of her ‘golden thoughts’ from just last month only!

1st situation:

  • Why you don’t eat breakfast? I don’t care you’re not hungry until 10AM, I don’t care that you’re my Little Prince – I cook for you and you eat it. But I won’t cook for my daughter in law, because she won’t handle that kind of breakfast. She’s white and white people eat only bread and cereals.
  • Why your wife doesn’t eat breakfast? She won’t be healthy enough to have a baby.
  • Why am I making your breakfast? Why Na is not doing it? She should wake up earlier than you and prepare you a breakfast.
  • Sandwiches are not breakfast. Only good breakfast is a warm one.image1
  • Why Na looks so tired? Ask her to sleep more.

2nd situation:

  • Na, go buy food after work so they are fresh. Overnight veggies are not fresh.
  • Why you do food shopping everyday? That’s waste of money. Do shopping once a week and no more. You won’t spend unnecessary money.
  • Aya, those veggies gone bad after a week. Such a waste.
  • Cravings? Forget about them.
  • Missing item without which you cannot cook? Too bad, suck it up and think of cooking something else.

3rd situation:

  • You’re married to a Hong Kong man, you should follow his eating time. I don’t care you don’t like to eat late, good Hong Kong wife would wait for her husband.
  • You want to celebrate Lunar New Year and spend money on decorations? Nah, you live in a Western country, don’t bother. You should be as Western as possible.

4th situation:

  • I will cook enough rice to finish world hunger so my Little Prince can stuff himself like a pig, but I will never cook enough side dishes so they could comfortably eat without my complaints.
  • Little Prince! Put food into your lunch box first, doesn’t matter that you want to see first how hungry you really are and eventually I could just cook more for you. Because screw logic.
  • Na doesn’t eat much? She must dislike my food.image3
  • Na eats too much in my very subjective opinion? She’s fat and she doesn’t care about my Little Prince!

5th situation:

  • Last year I complained on weekly basis how bad it is to do laundry with a washing machine instead of hands. This year I will do laundry using the machine LITERALLY EVERY . SINGLE . DAY .

6th situation:

  • Your slipped fell under the bed and you forgot about its existence until I found it? You’re so untidy! You should be ashamed!
  • My undies drying on a heater in the place everyone can see them is completely fine. You know nothing.

I could be going on-and-on, but I probably would get upset again thinking about it over and over again.

To be honest, I don’t know how to handle her. I could handle her like I do with people complaining at work – just image4nod my head and ignore her, but sadly I cannot clock her out. I could try following her logic, but THERE IS NO LOGIC. Everything she says and does in the end doesn’t make sense.

She can be fun to read about, but if you lived my life you would know why I keep calling her Momzilla and not using her real name, like I use for Sing’s dad. He’s cool to whatever we’re doing.
Judging by the fact they are married for more than 30 years, I think I see the reason why he’s workaholic, spending 7 days a week at work. If I could, I would be the first one to go for non-paid OT at work.

The worst thing is… I KNOW she’s not a bad person and I just can’t hate her or be mad at her – which would be a much easier solution than thinking everyday how to be a better person in her mind. She can be really kind and caring. But once she starts complaining… God save us all!

And now here’s my question for you guys: if you were me, how would you handle Momzilla?

How knows, maybe you have Momzilla of your own? Share your opinions, stories and experience! And wish me luck! 🙂

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66 thoughts on “奶奶大人之醒覺 – Momzilla awaken

  1. Wow. That sucks. When Andy’s parents visit, he takes them gambling for a day, giving me at least a little recovery time. And they only visit for 1 or 2 weeks! So I think Sing needs some quality time alone with Momzilla so you get a break. You are due!

    I also take walks. One night I took the dogs and went around the neighborhood about seven times while calling every girlfriend and family member I have (which is quite a lot) and venting about my in-laws. Sometimes you have to escape and let it out.

    Maybe you can work some unpaid overtime, too? Or pretend you have to work late and sneak off to a coffee shop? Whatever you do, get out and get a break before you explode and attack an in-law with a screwdriver. (Not saying if I ever did that.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. if you can’t get her to leave, then lay down the law. with someone like that, you will have to be firm with your boundaries. tell her flat out that she is making you unhappy and if she doesn’t change her ways she will have to leave.

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  3. This reminds me too much on my MIL…useless son-in-law doesn’t finish every single rice grain? He must dislike my cooking (well its true, aint that good). Useless son-in-law is eating western food instead of my glorious food? He doesn’t appreciates best ever perfect Chinese food! and so on…
    But on the other hand she does not appreciate her own daughters stuff either so it is more or less fine as in MIL’s brain only she is herself perfect and is doing everything right

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  4. Poor you ;( I fully understand, not because of my own mum-in-law, cause she’s amazing and only complains about her son :)))) sometimes we’re doing it together and then laugh at him for fun 😛
    But still I understand your irritation with her personality downsides.. I feel like most of Vietnamese people are like her. NO LOGIC at all. But somehow I must try to deal with it everyday, mostly because of my health. Seriously, I get stomachache when I’m too nervous and sadly, right now I’m in pain. It’s lunar new year, so everybody are driving (me) crazy. You should google street view in Hanoi, people are everywhere, driving and honking, but now it’s like Christmas time x 100!!! I live near city centre (if you can call it like that) and right now everybody are going there to buy alcohol, to buy sweets, to buy kumquat trees or peach branches.. whatever it is, it’s too much of it~ it takes forever to go anywhere and.. the most irritating thing is that they (vietnamese) DON’T THINK LOGICALLY at all… But maybe I should write a post about this too 😛

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  5. Wow…. she changes her attitude so much XD I feel bad for you… I rarely see my fiance’s mom, even though she lives really close. I would be really stressed all the time if I were in your situation. Hang in there!

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  6. Oh my! Momzilla must really drive you crazy! I can understand, the things she says and does is really frustrating. The same is very true of most Asian families. My mother-in-law is a beautiful and caring person, but when we stay with them we have to wake up at 6 AM, we have to do everything they want us to do. It is expected that I should be the one to clean and cook, and he doesn’t have to do anything. We had to lay out the rules with them though, because for the most part, I was working more than him for many months, and I couldn’t be the maid and the bread winner.
    The last thing my mother-in-law got upset about, is the fact that I haven’t learned Hindi yet, and I wasn’t wearing my toe rings. You know, because a good wife wears all her jewellery at all times. The struggle is REAL with Asian MILs!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have this theory that at some point in every person’s life, when they become a parent, the logic gates in their brain shut off and they stop making sense :P. Sounds like every parent I’ve ever known.

    I think the most you can do is just ease into making it clear why you do/don’t do certain things (this is what I do with my mom and this only works 50% of the time :’D ).

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  8. Hi Lina. I think you and your husband should go to visit a psychologist and learn methods to deal with momzilla. This is not healthy for your relationship in the long run. I also think momzilla should go see a psychologist for her own good so that her distorted mindset won’t affect other peoples’ happiness.

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  9. It’s a typical traditional (probably Cantonese) mother in law syndrome! LOL!!!
    There must be thousands of Momzillas in this town.
    They sometimes go dining out with their dauthers in law to show people that they are the one in charge (because they are the ones who order the food and the daughters in law should not even look at the menus!)
    I ain;t joking. I work in a restaurant! LOL!!!

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  10. I have a similar situation. My mom is similar and even though my wife is the easiest person to deal with, there are still conflicts. There’s generation gap and there’s cultural differences. It’s very hard. For Chinese, parents are the authorities. You are not really equal. The parents expect the children to obey and daughters-in-law especially. They always think their way is better and if you disagree, it’s disrespectful. It’s how they grew up and that’s what they know. However, think about her feeling. She was the only woman whom Sing were very close to until he met you. Now you are his center of universe instead of her. The feeling of become the 2nd is not that good. I don’t think we will understand that until we become parents. But just imagine if Sing likes someone else, how would you feel? It’s not the same, but a similar feeling. I think you have to remember, as you said in your article, she is not a bad person. Her intention is good (want you to be healthy, save money for you etc). If that’s the case, there’s no need to be upset at her. It’s just a different way of doing things even though it’s not necessary your way of doing things. The good thing about my parents is that they are reasonable people. They are NOT ok if we just say no, we are not doing it your way. But they will listen if I explain. So give that a shot. I am not sure if it’s easier for you to talk to Momzilla directly or through Sing though.. really depending on your situation. But I think a talk is unavoidable or else you will suffer the rest of your life and you will put Sing in a tough spot.

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    1. I think a better way to compare if I would be jealous of Sing spending too much time with our baby. I cannot talk to her as I only write and read Cantonese/standard Chinese to some level. I can only express my feeling fully if Sing will translate that to Shanghainese. We tried to talk to her, like bazillion times, but it’s always the same – argue, ‘I know better’, they don’t talk to each other for few hours, everything’s back to normal. I don’t say her ways are bad, it’s just we have our own habits, the way we spend our weekends and this is the way that makes us happy not the way she thinks it will. We earn money to enjoy them and still can afford buying a flat here, I don’t want to just go to work and come back, eat, sleep, repeat. For now I can only pray those 5 weeks will be gone soon haha 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Thanks for the giggle! Only a few more days! Then therapy. Only joking!

    Maybe try to see the situation from her side. I’m not taking sides, just sometimes seeing things how others see helps. Maybe it’s the only way she feels validated is by running the show. She did for years and now her only son’s all grown up, she doesn’t work (?) and she’s had to put her energy into something. Her generation’s different from ours. Their culture’s changing, the ‘proper’ way’s different now. Maybe suggest a few hobbies or volunteering back in HK. I know it’s hard. Even the same culture families have problems with in laws. They’re your family but they’re not your family you’d choose. They come with the other 1/2 whether you like it or not!

    I think it’s an universal saying, guests are like fish. They go off after 3 days. Hang on in there!

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    1. When she’s not terrorizing us, she either stays with Sing’s dad or the Shanghainese family (sadly all her close people are in different parts of the world). Volunteering won’t work – I don’t really get why, but she doesn’t like to help others. She thinks ‘If I help you, who helps me?’ or that someone will abuse her help. I guess she had some bad memories from the past that my husband didn’t really want to share.
      My fish is now very smelly and sadly, I cannot throw it to the dumpster and forget about it XD

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  12. I don’t know what advice to give you. I mean, my mom is somewhat like Momzilla (maybe a few thousand times better, but still similar characteristics). I know how to handle her after all these years, but I wouldn’t know what would happen if I bring a girlfriend/wife home. I know it is very tough. Godspeed, Lina. :/

    Anyway, Happy Spring Festival to you!

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  13. Cześć ! Znalazłam Twojego bloga kilka tygodni temu i juz przeczytałam wszystkie posty hahaha Dużo wtedy szukałam takich informacji, przeżyć i rad. Sama od półtora roku jestem w związku z Chińczykiem. Wysłałam mu nawet Twojego posta ale uznał, że jego mama nie będzie taka marudna wobec mnie.. cóż cicha woda brzegi rwie i wszystko wyjdzie w praniu haha
    My również planujemy wyjechać za granicę (tez jesteśmy w ldr ale spotykamy się w wakacje ^^ ), słyszałam, że ludzie średnio lubią i Polaków i Chińczyków w Irlandii.. to prawda ??
    Pozdrawiam ! I będę jednak z Twoich wiernych czytelników 😛

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    1. to zadanie tesciowej, by uprzykrzyc Ci zycie 😀 takze, nawet jesli, to nie martw sie – sama nie jestes 🙂 co do Irlandii – mieszkamy w Limerick, nie ma tu duzo Azjatow, moze ze 2 ‘azjatyckie’ sklepy, ale Sing mowi, ze tutaj sie czuje bezpieczniej niz np. w Polsce. Ja tak tylko raz uslyszalam, jak jakis siusiumajtek maly do mnie takim bardzo ciezkim ‘speldalaaaaj’ powiedzial jak uslyszal, ze rozmawiam z kolega po polsku, ale zaden dorosly mi nic nie powiedzial. Ogolnie dorosli sa bardzo przyjazni, mlodziez – taka jak wszedzie, ale tez, zeby ktos sie plul do nas czy cos to takiej sytuacji nie bylo 🙂
      dzieki wielkie za komentarz i mam nadzieje, ze z nami zostaniesz 😀

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  14. Wow! Hahaha I am very surprised! Is she really like this? 加油!
    I have met my MIL, she is a really strict woman but I really hope she is not this way
    I haven spend with here more than an afternoon so I can’t not say yet how she is haha

    Happy new year! I loved your lasts videos ❤

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  15. My own mum and MIL are Momzillas too and I have sort of figured out most times what to do. Your husband and u must most definitely stand united, do not let her wiggle in! What I do is usually agree with whatever comment and then put a little spin on it so then they know they are not 100% right. Eg. “If u don’t eat breakfast, u won’t have a baby” . Smack your forehead and say: Wow! U are so right! Next time I go see the doctor, would u like to come along and tell him/ her?
    On issues u r not a good cook and have to eat out, agree, and say u could never ever cook like a chef as u also have another job. And isn’t it wonderful to work outside the house and be able to spend on eating out? If MIL insinuates u r using up her son’s $, either tell her NOT to tell him, keep him in the dark, it will a dirty little secret for the 2 of u( she would hate that!), OR , encourage her to tell her beloved son how u r wasting his $! I did it for years with my own MIL that every time we went out to eat or buy something, I would loudly declare this was with her son’s money and I have no issues spending it. Years and years later, she actually relented and accepted that we had a joint account, and it was both our money!
    My mum, who lived with my brother, had endless complaints abt everything especially on my sis in law who does not treat the kids well etc etc. Of course she wouldn’t want me to talk to my brother, all she wanted was for me to agree with her, which I absolutely avoided doing. So, I told her that if their was such abuse going on, it was her duty to call the cops and if she didn’t, then she is part of the abuse and just as guilty! Well, never heard those complaints again.
    So, always agree, which usually stuns them a bit, then put your own ideas in and make them look dumb. It takes a bit of fast thinking but practice makes perfect!
    I have not raised my voice to any of these ladies, or engage in arguments cos I make sure they cannot argue cos I am not actually disagreeing.
    True story: 80 year old lady threw a fit over her son and daughter in law over something stupid; she went out on the street screaming and crying. Family called the cops, next thing u know, she gets placed in a nursing home, crisis placement, get to the head of the line, no waiting!
    My mum is now in a locked unit with rather advanced Alzheimer’s. I always think she was such a feisty gal that if she saw this disease coming, she would be royally put off!

    Have always thanked the Lord that I never had to live with my mum or my mum in law!

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  16. if only i could offer advice. i’m not yet married to know how to handle a mother in law. i must say, sing is truly lucky to have a wife as patient as you are. i understand a difference in culture can be a problem for many people, and in-laws are not always as understanding, and to have those two combined… well, BRAVO to you both for remaining sane.

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