Somehow I still manage to write a blog post, make a crappy video with Biscuit high on catnip (click here to see it), do my duties as a housewife and keep on with new Dragon Ball Super. But I can’t complain on having a paid-job.
And in this world, like it or not, money matter. I learnt it the hard way when my dad had a heart attack and since that time his medication cost our family quite a lot of money. Sadly, in a pharmacy or anywhere else you cannot pay with a smile and good word.
I mean, I really enjoy blogging, and if possible I wish to continue writing as long as I can come up with more or less interesting topic, but as much as I like it, it’s just a hobby. Hobby started as a time killer in the US where I couldn’t work due to my visa type. Not even a freelancing was allowed. For two straight years I kept on being a house-wife and a wanna-be-blogger while Sing was the only bread winner. Or in our case it was more of a rice-winner. As of now, we have around 15kg of dry rice at home and half a bread.
That put me into really uncomfortable position. I wasn’t a burden to my parents anymore, my parents could focus on my dad’s treatment, but then I felt like being a burden to my husband. Sing never said anything like ‘You cannot spend money on this or that’ or ‘Return it, I work hard and you spend money on something useless’. That’s not him. To be honest, he felt quite happy to be someone that supports family and he was proud he can make it on it’s own.
But I felt miserable.
I know as marriage it’s OUR money, especially since we haven’t signed a prenup, but I felt bad buying something that was not necessary to survive or needed. Can you imagine how shitty I felt when I used the money Sing earned to buy him a wedding anniversary gift or a birthday cake? I masked it with a smile, but inside I felt like someone useless. Even thought I knew I was forbidden by the law to earn unless I get a working visa.
On the top of that there is another thing that bothered me during the time I didn’t earn and that is the topic I wanted to talk about. Earnings and interracial relationship stereotypes.
I know guys go through a lot, but I think we could agree in most of the cases of interracial relationships it is the girl who has it more tough. Of course there are exceptions and guys get abused too, but it’s much easier to target a woman. Especially when you mix it with finance.
I read a lot of forums and lots of opinions about interracial and intercultural couples and I had few conclusions. One of them was the fact that a girl who is in that kind of relationship is either after better sex (or let’s put it this way… ‘bigger penis’ – when she’s dating a Black guy/Middle East) or after money (if she’s dating an Asian). Add a home country that is not an economical power and you have a perfect image of a gold digger in some people’s mind.
Not-Really-A-Fun-Fact : if you ‘go after penis’ usually comes along with ‘He’s with you for a green card’, ‘Wait until he starts to beat you’ or ‘He’s for your social security money’.
That’s the stereotype. Apparently, you cannot love someone for who they are. It’s either genitals or wallet.
I know I shouldn’t be bothered by what others say or think, and most of the time I just try to ignore my own thoughts and ‘Oh my, what are they thinking?’, but it really hurts. At the top of feeling pretty much useless, I know there will be someone judging me as a gold digger. To make it funnier our fortune consisted of a health-related debt and personal belongings that have only sentimental value. Sing’s family might have money and is willing to help up, but we try to make our own future with our own hands.
I married Sing when he was still a student, we had nothing to start our life besides love and a small money fund from the family. Yet, I still read few times ‘You don’t work? Nice life, living off your husband. Asian guys have small penises but big wallets‘. But I have to give it two thumbs up to Sing who is totally cocky about any comment like this – he will say ‘Well, at least in their eyes I have money, right?‘. I sometimes don’t know if he’s insane, too self confident or just try to be tough for both of us.
Even now when I started to work I sometimes wonder if and how many of my co-workers thought of me that way. I hope none, because I get along really well with my team.
Sadly, I don’t know how long it will take to make stereotypes disappear, but as for now I finally feel satisfied. No one will tell me I live off Sing’s money, and whatever they think – I have my pay slip to prove them wrong (in my mind, I’m not gonna send anyone my payslip to prove anything). And finally, for the first time in two years, I will be able to give Sing a birthday gift that I earned for. I can spoil him with little delights and feel that I’m giving back him what he put in this relationship while working in America.
He recently complained a chicken wrap in McDonald’s doesn’t come with fries so I told him ‘Buy yourself one extra, my treat’. Like a mini-boss.
Have you ever been in similar situation? Have you felt like I did? I know it’s quite intimate topic, but your experience or your opinion on earnings and interracial relationship stereotypes can help others who might struggle with the same thing 🙂