為何我希望我們的孩子收到好人卡?- Why I want my future son to receive the nice guy card

From my posts you could have already noticed that Sing and I are more or less control freaks. We already even thought about the situation one of us is dead and where should we hold the funeral, should we be cremated, be image (27)or not be an organ donor etc. so it was pretty much obvious that once the baby topic is up we will get into another weird discussion.

We are not even in the point of conceiving the child (let me quote the Future Father Of The Year ‘That’s the fun, easy part, we should first think of the future’), but we already had our worries. OK, mostly Sing had them, because for some reason he likes to think of the worst possible scenario so ‘he can be prepared’. Well, I don’t think he would be prepared if his fear of porn star-daughter would come true. And not only a porn-star: a girl who likes much older men, gold-digger, ‘too open’, star of ’16 and pregnant’ or just the whole concept of having a daughter who one day will have a boyfriend. Sing already doesn’t like him, whoever he would be. The best daughter he could have is an asexual-lesbian with fear of modern technology.

He also have his fears about having a boy, but the fears are limited to three options: having a STD, making a girl pregnant (still, in his mind it’s better than being the father of the pregnant girl) and the worst of them – receiving the infamous ‘You’re a nice guy’ card.

Getting the good guy card is not only his fear, if you check out forums, especially Asian ones, you will see how frustrated the guys are. You can find plenty of memes talking about this problem.
And I get it, I would be frustrated too if I heard for a thousand time ‘Yeah, you’re a nice guy BUT…’
That is an excuse that doesn’t make sense to me either – if you look for a nice guy and then you tell someone ‘you’re a nice guy but…’, it’s just senseless. Let me quote a Hong Kong classic ‘Goodest Logic‘. image (25)

We girls don’t really see how lucky we are in us being rejected – at least in 80-90% of the cases we will at least know why. We can hear we are not their type, the conversation doesn’t go really well, whatever it is- at least we are likely to hear something other than ‘You’re nice, but’. I never heard about a girl who received ‘You’re a nice girl’-card. 
Thinking of it – how can you even respond to that with something other than ‘Oh’ or ‘Thank you…?’.

So if it’s so painful, annoying and painfully annoying why I wish my future son would go through the very same thing? 
Short answer: from my own vanity.

Long answer: from my own vanity. I want to see my child as my personal success. I don’t need him or her to find a cure for cancer or get a gold medal in the Olympics. Of course whatever my child achieves would make me proud, even if it’s a drawing of Biscuit (if you ever seen how ugly Sing’s drawings are you would know why I consider that as an achievement). But as much as I want him to grow as a smart, healthy man, what I want the most for him is to be a good guy, good person in general.

If a girl ever tells him ‘You’re a nice guy, but…’ I will ask him to never change that. That means I raised a man who’s a gentleman, who knows how to treat other people right, who has respect to others. And if some girl cannot see what a blessing that kind of man is, it’s her problem.

image (26)Me myself married a good guy. I dated a ‘bad boy’ in my teenage years, blinded by the ‘first love’ feeling. When I grew up, my eyes opened and I knew this is not what I want. I want a man who will love me and respect me. And I got one, the one who received few ‘Good man’-cards in his life. He was once so deep in a friendzone he bought his crush a cruise so he could confess his feelings towards her. Non of them ever went on that cruise.

Sing even thought to turn into being ‘the bad guy’, he looked on his friend who had 4 girls at the same time and non of them knew about the other one. For a short period of time he was jealous of that friend, but in the end he stick into his values and then we met. For every good guy there’s a good girl waiting. It might take long time to find that person, you might get hurt during that time, but sooner or later it will happen.

When I talk to my Readers and I call them ‘nice men’ it’s the best compliment you can get out of me. Sing treated it as an offence and asked me not to call guys ‘nice’, not out of jealousy but because of this stupid ‘Good guy’-card. There’s nothing wrong in receiving it – that means your family made a great job in raising a wonderful man who will one day make someone really happy. And this is exactly why I want my future son to get one of those cards. I want to know that I raised someone so well and that I did my best job as a mother. If someone cannot appreciate it – well, it’s their loss, sooner or later there will be someone good, worth my little man…

OH GOD, I SLOWLY TURN INTO MOMZILLA (I think 😉 )

What do you think about this topic? Have you ever received ‘Good person’-card? Let me (and Sing because he loves topics like this) know what you think! 🙂

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54 thoughts on “為何我希望我們的孩子收到好人卡?- Why I want my future son to receive the nice guy card

  1. During my first rejection, the guy told me I was the nicest person he’d ever met. Okay, so what was the problem, I thought. I never did find out. A couple years later when I met Cai, my first thought was “bad boy”, even though we had had no interaction up to that point. Then he seemed like the nicest person I’d met (nicer than the guy who rejected me). But first impressions are usually correct and Cai was a bad boy. And look what happened. I learned the hard way that the nice guys are the keepers. They might be rare, but, ladies, hold onto them when you find them because you will never regret it and will live an emotionally-pampered life. Great post!

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  2. I would not be comfortable with a “Dear Person” card.Of course I understand the idea, I’m glad I”m a Person and not a Rock or a Chair (but I might not mind being a Wave or a Bird) but, Person–it is so imPERSONal. I am a Person identified by being a woman and have a name and a life different from all those other Persons.
    Would be interested to see what other replies you receive!

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  3. I did,i did and i am a girl! But even if that time it was just an excuse not to date me, i thought there was nothing wrong with being a nice girl, in fact now I am with someone who likes me because (and I quote) I am a “nice girl with a good heart ” and it’s a great feeling to be told so!

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  4. I couldn’t agree more with this post! Prior to dating Derek, I always went for bad boys because I naturally assumed I could ‘save them’ (darn being a female and wanting to save everyone lol). But I am a good girl and realized it’s not me. Upon meeting him, I fell madly in love with the fact that he was a good guy with a kind heart who was down to earth and caring.

    I love how you and Sing are when it comes to the topic of your future children! It’s a lot like us. We were cuddling on the bed the other day and Derek randomly said something among the lines of “if we were to have a daughter, she will not be allowed to date anyone… even after I am dead. I will haunt them if I am dead. Just imagine the constant worry that she will get pregnant, date much older guys (keep in mind we have a six year age gap lol), become a porn start, be thirteen and pregnant or just be super slutty!” He was legit freaking out lol. It was too cute. Yet with the thought of having a boy, his reaction was “it would be so cool to have a boy. You could teach him how to cook, and I’ll teach him how to treat a girl. We can make sure he is into sports and plays the guitar. He’ll definitely pick up girls then.” Obviously being a good guy, he never had tons of girls throwing themselves at him due to him being shy so he kind of wants our future son to be this hot stud who can get a girl with ease lol. His ‘biggest’ concern is that our future son would impregnate too many girls thanks to his hot looks. But according to him, he wouldn’t mind. Men lol.

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    1. Derek and Sing should never ever meet up – in case we have daughters in future, they will end up locked up in a tower like Fiona from Shrek. Even when we were watching it Sing was like ‘They didn’t do that because she was changing into a monster, look at her – she’s a hot chick, of course her dad locked her up so she won’t hook up with guys’ :DDD I don’t know how on earth he even came up with this 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL now you’re making me worried XD We are going on holiday in just over three weeks and Derek is adamant we watch Shrek! 😮 maybe he’ll say the same thing XD. That’s one heck of a conclusion though! 😮

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    1. I get this too and it is due to racial stereotypes. I am not supposed to be nice, I am suppose to be like a racial stereotype. I think the men that gravitate towards me do so because they want the strong dominate black wan and then are angry when they figure out I am not that.

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      1. That is so weird.. but I can kind of relate to that. First impression most people have of me is a nice, sweet and innocent girl. While that might be sort of true lol! There’s much more to me and when I don’t turn out to be the person they thought I was, they blame me for it.. so weird lol.

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        1. I have a friend in China and she is very petite and dainty looking. Most people by first looking at her treat her like a little dainty China doll. Especially those dumb foreign men who have preconceived notions of Asian women. She actually is a spitfire and quite strong. Oh and she has a quick temper.

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  5. Whaaat,you don’t want your kid to win at least a gold medal at the Olympic Games???? I will torture Nathan during personal trainings, I created already a training plan 🙂 (I actually have…)
    I think I used to be Lso the nice guy type but then again I never asked any girls out so I never got rejected through this :p

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    1. we can ask your wife if she considers you a nice guy haha 😀 oh since Nathan is aiming for gold I give up already 😀 I’m too lazy for training plus Nathan is soooo lovely I couldn’t even dare to fight against him 😀

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              1. Actually not so much, I am one of the few who still can walk. Two of my friends even died of a heart attack after practice (one of them was Alexander Dalen Oen just before the Olympic Games and the biggest favorite for gold medal back then). So in the end, swimming can be a rather murderous sport

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                  1. Well, I survived but even sports such as swimming (which are considered save) many injuries can occure when doing some movements the wrong way and not to do some counter excercises for the monoton movements :p

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  6. I think I gave quite a few of Nice Guy Cards myself before meeting Mr. B.. It was just an excuse to relief the awkward tension of the moment.

    As a teenager I used to date quite a lot, I could never find guys that were interesting enough to keep me hooked after a while. I think Mr. B got some Nice Guy Cards before meeting me, because he was a bit shy and not too comfortable approaching girls.

    I am glad I saw past that and got to know what incredible guy he is!

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  7. Nice guy doesn’t necessarily means ur a gentleman. it usually implies a shy, unattractive and unassertive (?) personality. in the HK culture, it sounds more like “觀音兵” <– (hard to translate here, ask Sing for more info)…at least to me. Perhaps saying “ur a gentleman” or “ur helpful” is seen as a compliment more?

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    1. you might be right, but it’s hard to break up using ‘you’re a gentleman’ (you’re a gentleman, but I need someone who will abuse me or something :D) . I told Sing I want our son to be a nice guy, not to be a stupid guy, a puppet for a girl dancing around. I think that’s the biggest difference in being a nice guy and getting rejected by it and being nice and abused – I hope you know what I mean

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  8. You officially know a girl who has received the you are nice line but line. I have gotten that on many occasions. “You’re nice , but I don’t sense and chemistry with you.” “You’re nice but, I like a more dominance wrong in charge black woman. That isn’t you. You are like dating a white girl.” (Said by a white b boy) “You’re nice, but you have a propensity towards obesity and I don’t want fat children.” “You’re nice but dating you is like dating a corpse. So boring.” Yup I met the gambit of men who felt I wasn’t good enough to date and told me why do they could “help” me. I don’t think nice guys exist if they do they don’t want me. I am getting a second puppy instead .

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    1. You are like dating a white girl – I officially fell down from my chair, what kind of sentence is that. if you meet guys like that then puppy is much better choice (and much cuter :3). I feel sad reading how some people treat you 😦

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  9. You don’t get it! When Asian girls tell boys “You’re a nice guy BUT..”, it doesn’t mean they think you are a nice guy, it is just the standard polite way of saying “You suck, now get out of my face!”

    And I think it is normal for Asian (or any) men to already hate his daughter’s future boyfriend before that even happens, is it not? Boys are dangerous, they might trick my daughter to have sex or elope. What? That’s exactly what I did to my wife? Well, we’re different, so… 😀

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    1. From what I noticed it’s not you suck, more like ‘you’re too boring’ or whatever, that girl doesn’t feel excited. It’s better to say there’s no chemistry or whatever, because that basically means ‘you’re too nice, i need someone to beat the crap out of me to feel loved’ – say it straight!!! 😀
      Amish girl is a perfect daughter, no naked selfies online 😀 Sing even had a thought ‘What if we have a girl and she grows old to a super chick and then your readers who are now in their 20s will want to date her?! NOOOOOO’ XD moral of the story: no father wants a daughter 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    2. actually having said that, I’ve seen worst. “nice guy” or “yea, I’m busy for the next summer holiday, sorry can’t make it out” (what? u mean u don’t even have time for dinner over the whole of 3 months?!) is more of a polite way of say’in “piss off”, I had an occasion when she was actually a no show. (hey, she confirmed she’s coming, she did showed up to the team meeting)

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  10. I’ve never really understood that phase honestly, who wouldn’t want to be with someone who treats them right & respects them? ..Come on! I think most of the women & men who use the ”nice guy/woman” phrase lack maturity, even if you are not interested in a full commitment kind-of relationship, you’d still want to know that the person you’re potentially seeing is a good guy/woman.

    If a woman were to say that to me now,knowing what I know now I’d give it to her, not because I have to validate why I’m a good guy but because if I really did like her & saw potential in our situation but if not I’d walk away (or I wouldn’t have approached her in the first place). There are good people out there, you don’t have to compromise yourself for being accepted. Good guys & women are great!

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  11. I loved this article! I had my share of bad men too, like some other girls commented, I was also someone who wanted to try to help and ‘save’ them. I found my perfect match now and I am not afraid to use the ‘you’re a nice guy’, without the ‘but’ part, because he is really nice!
    I also give advice to my single female friends that, sometimes, you need some bad experiences (=bad men) in your life to realize the good guys. Because of my bad experiences before, I now cherish my men much more! So much so, that although we are just together for a few months, we got married yesterday.
    If it’s the right guy, you know right away. So, aquariusamber, I read your bad experiences with men. Don’t despair, it’s sometimes difficult and it takes a while, but I am sure you will find your perfect match too!!

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  12. I guess HK folks better get over about being “cool” …hopefully at the right time in life: when they fall in love.

    I think Sing worries too much. Besides, parents know that a child will still have their own mind. But at least, give them the best influence for sustained time, early in life!

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  13. Sorry to break it to you, but your future son’s happiness is more important than your vanity in raising a good person.

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  14. lol. i think we ALL would have the same fears once we have a child. it’s only normal, no? knowing what i know by reading your blog, i think both sing and his mum gonna be so overprotective, while you and your parents will teach the child to be more explorative and independent. i think that’s rather a good balance. your child will turn out a OK.

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    1. I think I will be overprotective parent too, just like my parents were. They got more cool when I grew up 😀 I guess that happens once your child is married and their child won’t be outside of marriage – all the fears are now gone, you’re not their problem anymore 😀 that’s how I see my parents 😀

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  15. Guys just want to be the bad boy, a stereotype is charm and popularity. I do believe though, at the end of the day, a wise girl would choose a “nice” guy over a “bad” boy to spend her life with.

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  16. Oh my goodness, I don’t even know how many times I was told the “you’re such a nice guy but___” during my teen years! It happened in my 20s and 30s too, but I don’t mind, it only strengthened my character and led me to my wife! I think the nice guy card is one to be proud of, and I too would be honored if my son had one 🙂

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