母性 – maternal instinct

After last year’s Momzilla’s visit, how many of you would expect me to write this post? After showing me all those disturbing child birth videos and talking about post pregnancy recovery I was fed up with a baby topic. I literally was scared even if someone mentioned pregnancy. I even pushed away Sing in bed so in image (12)some magical way we won’t end up having a baby. And now I’m here writing a post about my newly awaken maternity instinct.

To be honest with you, I don’t really know what changed in me.
Maybe it’s the new stability in life – no more worrying if we can get a visa or we have to leave the US as soon as possible. We couldn’t even really move out from our tiny studio because the rent in Bay Area was extremely expensive and actually mortgage for buying a flat would cost you similar.
Or maybe it’s the fact that there were 3 kids in our families born in meantime and now my paternal cousin will have her first baby-girl and being around kids make me feel happy instead of annoyed.
Or maybe it just feels like the right time for me – on May 25th I will be 24 years old, quite young but I always thought of giving a birth when I’m 25 (and that would make Sing 30). Especially since on June 20th we will mark image (15)our 3rd year as a married couple and Sing’s family stopped asking about it so we don’t have any ‘outside pressure’ because everyone is focused on his still-not-married-almost-expiring-sister.
There’s also a chance Momzilla’s baby-voodoo last year worked and that’s why during the last phone call she didn’t even mentioned any babies… That would only prove my theory that she really is a witch.

Whatever the reason is, I know things have changed inside me. It feels weird, in the last few months I slowly started paying more attention to baby products, I even spend more time at the IKEA’s baby section.
First I thought it’s because I’m the only auntie from my parent’s side – all my cousin’s have siblings, but since I’m the only child I’m the only aunt from this side of the family they can have, but more I thought of it was my own feelings towards having a child. As for today I think I can say I’m ready. I’m not pregnant, technically image (14)we still didn’t plan anything, but my maternal instinct is fully awaken and if something happens – I’m ready.

As for paternal instinct of Sing… hehe, now that’s a comedy. He is like a big baby, especially when he runs around the house with his boxers shorts on just like a baby with a diaper on a hot day. And try to force him to wear socks at home – he will argue to death about it. So technically I don’t need a new child, I already have one.
But he can be also very responsible and professional, especially at work. So I thought since he’s almost 29 and I feel I’m ready, I will talk to him about this.

First attempt end up with ‘So… how was the post office?’ and not healing his character in Resident Evil for two nights in the row.
Second time he was wiser and respond with ‘Let me ask you this… Can I answer it in 3 months?’. I really don’t know what he tried to achieve besides giving me a fail-face-expression.
Now that’s promising.

image (16)Later it only got better, I wrote down some of the memorable quotes.
‘Can we have a boy? I mean with a boy you only worry about STDs but a girl can also get pregnant!’
‘S: Oh my God, what if we have a girl and later she will do with a boy what we did?!
M: You didn’t complain when we did it.
S: But that will be my baby girl, that’s just ewww.’ 
‘S: What is she dates an older guy, can’t even think of it!
M: Babe, you’re 5 years older than me.
S: That’s different, we’re married’ – double standard master
‘Cannot wait when we have a child and finally I can use the phrase ‘Because I said so’ 
‘Biscuit, come back to daddy and love me. OK, fine. Once I have a baby for first few months it cannot run away and has to love me. Then you will be jealous, Biscuit.’
‘But you won’t tell anyone you’re pregnant? They will know we had sex’. –
let me quote a classic ‘No shit, Sherlock’. 
‘Babe, I read that when you get pregnant boobs get bigger. Next time you start the baby talk you should think of those arguments instead’. 

As a bonus for some of the things he says, whenever I see him looking up AVs I whisper to his ear ‘That’s someone’s daughter’ as a revenge.
And I promise you, the day I find out I’m pregnant I will order Sing a customized T-shirt based on a HK joke.
Front will say ‘Our party successfully achieved the conceiving of a child’ – based on the banner of a member of  Democratic Alliance for the Betterment and Progress of Hong Kong.
The back will state ‘I’m surely not 689’ – 689 is a nickname for CY Leung, Chief Executive of the Hong Kong that most of the people hate, it came from the number of votes he got. The joke is that 7 in Cantonese sounds like erected penis so since it misses the number 7, CY misses a penis. Surely Sing with a proof of my pregnancy would be able to say he doesn’t miss ‘the 7’.
Why I have such an awful sense of humor?

But I see he tries, he’s still little bit too immature and too selfish, but I believe that the day IT happens he will be ready. I see that he googles the cost of having a baby here (can you believe average cost of having a baby in Ireland is 174 euro per week?!) and I even seen him reading Baby Kingdom instead of HK Golden – trust me, that is a major change for him.
Even now when we look for the car he tries to find something that can be big enough to hold all the baby stuff but also safe. Last week he even pointed out the car we were looking at had special holders for a baby car seat.
image (13)Maybe it’s not really that much but for someone who said ‘How was the post office today?’ it’s more than I would expect.

I don’t know what to expect during the year of sheep, my year, but there were so many changes in our lives that I wouldn’t be surprised if one day we will make up our minds.
I think I’m ready for this, but I don’t want to rush anything. It’s a life-time decision, something we cannot quit if we cannot handle. I also don’t want to put any pressure on Sing. Having a child should bring us together, not drive apart if the other one doesn’t feel ready.
For now I am only an auntie and I’m happy about it but my heart is open up for a child of my own.

Have you or your partner felt similar? How to control it when one of you is not ready? Or maybe you don’t want a child at all? Everyone has a free choice and if they are happy that’s the most important thing. Share your experience, I would love to read your stories 🙂

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43 thoughts on “母性 – maternal instinct

  1. That long conversation you had is SO us. Haha. Derek always says “with a boy, we only have to worry about girls thinking he’s sexy and him potentially knocking up a girl but we will teach him to be safe. But with a girl, all guys are going to want her and stalk her and act like a creep around her. And she’ll get pregnant and then I’m going to kill all those guys” xD

    I think try not stressing about having a baby, it’s not healthy. But rather just let it happen naturally. Stressing might only create an uncomfortable environment for you two :(.

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    1. Sing high-fives with Derek 😀 I guess they know what they want to do us, girls, and then they are afraid one day another guy will think the same about their precious little princesses 😀
      With all the pressure from the family last year I thought ‘no-no’ about the pregnancy, but now when there’s no pressure I feel much more comfortable 🙂

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  2. Oh, hilarious. I love all of Sing’s ramblings and excuses and finally reasons (especially making Biscuit jealous).

    I like that you guys are easing into the whole idea of baby. Yep, dip in a toe, see if the water is too hot, and if it is, run like mad! I mean, um, wait until you really, really want to go into the water and the temperature is perfect. For both of you!

    Also, babysit for an entire day. Or weekend. If that doesn’t scare you off, well, babysit for a week. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sing can be really creating in finding the reasons ‘why not’ for everything 😀
      I only babysit my cousin’s babies so my experience is not big, but I remember when I was a kid and my friend has a little sister born, she told me ‘don’t touch her head or she will get a brain damage’ – I wouldn’t touch a baby for next 10 years, that’s how scared I was haha 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am sorry, I could only read “possible future extremely cute mixed baby raised by awsome parents”, can you please confirm this was indeed the main point of your post? Because I kind of love the whole possible future extremely cute mixed baby raised by awsome parents thing.

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    1. haha, I think the response for tl;dr is: not yet but maybe soon possible kawaii mixed potato raised by one try-to-be-awesome-parents and one not-so-cool-but-creative-in-finding-excuses-parent 😀
      but to be honest I have hope that my child will take my look when I was a baby, I was like cute blond little princess, Sing looked more like a funny cute potato with a big head. Now we grew up, I got ugly, he is still a cute potato with a big head so either our child we be extremely beautiful or will look like (s)he was joining the x-men 😀 whatever the outcome is, for me my kid will be the most beautiful 😀

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      1. Of course it will! And I think looking like a cute potato as a baby is a fair price for those Benjamin Button genes your mister has…

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        1. I actually heard that mixed kids get the best from both of the parents (due how different their parents’ ethnic background is) and that they are healthier than ‘pure race’ kids so keep our fingers crossed it’s true haha 🙂 thank you for so many kind words! 🙂

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  4. We had an about plan when we wanted our first baby and well, as you can see it worked and Nathan is healthy 🙂
    I also wanted a boy and I told my wife the next babies will be twin boys!!
    Aaand wait what, the milk powder is not sold out there? Here in Germany you can’t get any Aptamil milk powder because all the Chinese are buying it!! (perhaps we should visit you…)
    When my wife was pregnant many of her friends also had their babies so Nathan had few friends back in Finland.

    btw, momzilla must be a witch, her charms are working into your brain and now you want a baby. But somehow she fails to make her son a bit more adultlike? 😀

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    1. Sing’s co-workers from China office of the current company bought in total 42 cans of the powder.
      You still want more kids even thought it means MIL coming?! You’re SOOO brave 😀
      If you want you can give me your address and let me know what formula you Nathan uses, I think sending you like 2 packs wouldn’t hurt my budget and he’s so cute! I’m his internet auntie 😀

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      1. Yes, Milkpowder is really popular. No worries, Nathan doesn’t need any so there is no trouble but always some friends are in need of it :p
        I am planning to make our cellar a mancave for the next time MIL visits so I can have my peace!

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  5. By the time I was 24, I had four year old and a two year old. Both boys. I was a grandmother at 40 and a great grandmother at 58. Discussing having kids never happened. We were married three years before our Arron came along. (Yes, I married at 16. Different world ladies.) We had no plans, and nothing prepared, but that was the way we rolled back then.

    When my boys were about 8 and 6, I wanted another baby. But couldn’t have another due to health issues – mine – and I was so disappointed. I understand that urge, and that need. Best of luck! And just because I am perverse, and know how the Chinese are about having boys, I hope it is a girl. That will set the MIL off.

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  6. His reactions are hilarious haha and when you whispered.. “That’s someone’s daughter” cracked me up xD I’m so excited for you guys!!! I can’t wait for the good news already hehe

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  7. Hahahaha. You two are wonderful.

    Recently I’ve gone a bit baby crazy too. Ryosuke and I have been together for almost 4 years now – and all our other friends are having babies. It just seems like now is the time!
    (but money. uggggghhhh. babies are so expensive!)

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  8. Cute!! My fiancé and I have about the same age gap, so I’ve thought about things like when is the right time to have kids after we get married, etc. I think you are definitely right that being more stable and not worrying about visa stuff might be the thing that put you in a different mindset. I’m an only child too, so I was happy when I found out Junkyu has two sisters who are both married with kids. Being an aunt is already fun haha

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    1. it’s a good test before being a Mommy 😀 luckily Sing’s sister takes pressure from us, she’s my age, soon becoming 24 but no fiance so the whole family is freaking out haha 😀 I’m sure one day you will have cute babies!
      I don’t want Sing to be too old when we have a baby so he can go play football or something instead of being a grandpa 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Some people don’t start feeling grown up until they have a child. Then they have no choice. They have to act like a mom and dad because that’s what they are.

    My husband was like Sing. He liked to run around the house barefoot, but he wore shorts over his boxers. Especially important when you have daughters. By the way, I was 25 when my first daughter was born. It’s a good age. You have enough energy to last at least 18 more years.

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    1. First part of your comment is exactly what our previous landlord said, he grew up when his wife got into non-planned pregnancy and he said that if this didn’t happen he probably wouldn’t even want to have a child any soon but now he is so in love with his boy! 🙂
      The end of the comment is the same what I’m thinking – I want both of us to have enough energy and can play with the child or help studying and not feel like almost dying at the same time 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  10. You’re so young! But the above commenter is right, you will need all that energy 🙂 My husband felt the same way about having a girl, and our ultrasound tech told us it was a girl, so cue tons of worry and fret. But then…it turns out he was a boy all along! Whoops!

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  11. “I think I’m ready for this, but I don’t want to rush anything. It’s a life-time decision, something we cannot quit if we cannot handle. I also don’t want to put any pressure on Sing. Having a child should bring us together, not drive apart if the other one doesn’t feel ready.”

    You are on the right path. I applaud your maturity. Definitely plan on having one when you both are ready. Ready for him not only wanting to have one. Being responsible for one. And not working constantly but to be a father to one at home, i.e. making time to be home for the baby. You know me. Giving more opinions. 🙂

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  12. My husband and I took a long time to get around to having kids, we were married for nine years before we took the plunge! I think whatever you decide there are always pros and cons in either starting early or starting later on, persuading the other half is always tricky, and in my case a lengthy process! Still he adores his two girls now. I can’t believe I have two grown up daughters where do all those precious years go?

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  13. You sound very mature and totally ready, Lina! I am completely the opposite… I will be 31 this year, I am not married yet (and not in a hurry) and I simply can’t imagine having a baby :/ I don’t know if I will ever have a maternal instinct, but my boyfriend is exactly the opposite as Sing… he would have loved to have a baby a long time ago, and I don’t feel ready at all!!

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  14. There’s no such thing as waiting to be ready for parenthood. The moment you’re pregnant, both of you would be ready. You want to wait for a man to be mature, you can wait until he is 50 and still be disappointed! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  15. don’t over plan and don’t get stressed out. just enjoy your time together. when the time is right, you BOTH will know.

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  16. Wouldn’t rush into it. Baby will change your lives forever. Maybe the 2 of you should offer to babysit a kid for overnights a few times.

    He needs to experience this for real.
    Do you know his level of patience with a kid screaming for 1 hr. or longer? Or teaching a child for many hrs. in a way that helps a child.

    I chose not to have children.
    My partner has 2 adult kids from his former marriage. At that time, he was flexible either way –no children or children.

    First recognize he has a younger brother by 10 years. So dearie learned to look after baby brother as a teen.

    I do believe that fatherhood changed my partner…it probably has given him a softer edge and given him more patience in general. He generally a soft-spoken guy anyway. However no woman, should ever give that to be the reason for having children.

    The other person must truly desire to have children and stick with it for at least the next 20 years.

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  17. He he! 😀 An old friend told me that there is never a “right” time. And she was right! When we wanted a baby, it didn’t happen. When it did, it was a surprise but we are making it work. And if all parents knew what it would be like, humans would grind to a halt. ;D

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