Last month in Poland passed really fast – I remember when my mom told me she will hide my luggage in the basement and by the time she has done that I already had to pack myself. I loved the time I spent in Poland, but after a year and a half of being away from my parents we developed a different lifestyle and habits. And it made me realize that I actually married an Asian version of my father.
My Polish husband? My Hong Kong father? Oh God, no. I never thought I will marry someone like my dad – he’s a great father and husband, but he’s also very specific – that’s a good word, specific person.
When I met Sing I thought about him as someone totally opposite to my dad, opposite to that ‘specific’ part. Not opposite to tall and hairy with a dart board instead of hair. On the other hand my mom made a comment ‘Two Scorpios under one roof – that will be a chaos’ since there’s only 5 days difference between my husband’s and my father’s birthday. Of course since I don’t believe in horoscopes and fortune cookies I just brushed it off. How wrong I was.
I didn’t see that at the very beginning when we started to date – I don’t know if he was pretending or I was blind (-4 in the right eye and -3.5 in the left one) or I just convinced myself SING IS TOTALLY NOT LIKE MY DAD but for a really long period of time I just didn’t see that. Then our life changed – we got married, finally we could move in together more time we spend together I see how similar he actually is to my dad. Trip to Poland was just a confirmation of what I see today.
There are things that make them totally different like love of sweets, Sing hates them and my dad is literally a black hole around anything close to a dessert, or the interest they have in their daily life: one is fishing, the other one pretends he’s Beckham. In real and virtual life. But those are few things they disagree about, there’s much more they have in common. Now when I think of it: no wonder my dad liked him from the very beginning…
- One joke conversation – both of them are talkative when they are around the closest people but try to go out with them to people they don’t really know and they will open their mouth literally ONCE. To make a joke. They just sit there, think of a joke, wait for the right moment, make everyone laugh and they don’t take a part in the conversation anymore.
- The only good drivers – everyone around them is an asshole, bad driver and in the whole world only two of them are the good drivers who have to suffer from other people’s stupidity and lack of skills. They turn into a devil once they sit in the car, always making comments, they even have a habit of asking their wives who is behind the steering wheel and of course they always end it up with ‘I knew it’. My little dirty secret: sometimes I lie about the gender or age of the person so I can laugh at his ‘I knew it’.
- The fashion gurus – Sing is still nice because he just says ‘No’ or ‘Not really’ and just drops the topic but my dad is not ashamed to ask my mom or me to change our clothes because his fashion police sense is at the edge. If he tries to be polite he makes a face like a grumpy cat and adds ‘If you like it…’.
- Ex aequo Number 1 – they have their little world with them in the center where everything is for them and because of them, it’s funny to watch it from a 3rd person view when see themselves so superior and self-confident. I don’t know should I keep on laughing or actually envy how they see their world. I mean – in the end they are happy and get what they want.
- Asian ‘face problem’ inside a Polish body – if you’re reading my blog you probably also know what is a face concept in Asia, if you don’t know – long story short: social prestige. For Sing it’s just the way he got raised, he has to fight for the check or he needs to show off but in the way other’s can’t tell it’s a show-off and my dad is pretty much the same. He never been to Asia and had no idea about the whole face-concept yet he is always aware of what other’s will think of him. I remember one time my dad sent me an SMS when I was with a friend in a park in front of our house – he asked me to sit straight because what the neighbors will think of me. Not only a stalker but a really weird stalker.
- Mr. I don’t like that ball of fur but I will love it anyway – my dad hated that every once in a while I found an animal and took it back home with me. Besides a spider and a snake I think I had possibly every animal you can keep at home. He always complained about them, called every single one of them a smelly ball of fur, but I could see how he takes a piece of a carrot for a rabbit or brought corn for my rats. Sing was the same – when I gave him the idea of having a cat he tried to forbid me, but once we picked Biscuit I could see how he falls in love with her.
- Cold outside, warm inside – in public non of them will show emotions, doesn’t matter good or bad. Faces are like stones (not that funny stone with a face from a drama), but deep in their hearts they have a lot of love and once you close the house doors you will see two huggy and lovey-dovey people. For Sing he started to be like that after some time since we started dating, but longer we are together, especially around Asian community, he won’t show affection in public.
Do I regret having a partner like father? No, my dad is in the end weird, but pretty awesome, maybe sometimes annoying, like REALLY annoying but it gives me hope that no one will ever take Sing away from me because no one else would spend a single day with him and not kill him or commit suicide. But if my husband keeps going the path my father made I will kill Sing myself, be forgiven by the world and still go to heaven known as Saint Paulina, Patron Saint of Complainers.
It also amazes me how such a different people, raised in different time, different environment and by different people could be so similar and even more amazing how on earth I got two of them.
Is your partner similar to your parent? When you chose a partner do you look for someone similar or totally opposite of your parent? Share your opinion and experience! 🙂
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