三個月的總結 – 3 months summary

Wow, I can’t believe it – it feels like last week I complained about Momzilla coming to stay with us and now, in less than a few days I image (45)will be on my way to San Francisco International Airport departing to Poland and let Sing deal with all the complaints she will have in last 10 days of her stay. She needs to complain in advance as her daily habit, if she doesn’t then some poor guy sharing a seat with her in the airplane will have to listen to her. But I don’t care, I suffered enough and because I’m free at last! Almost.

It sounds like I was happy to go back. Of course I am, I haven’t seen my family and friends since March 2013. Not to mention I’m craving for some good Polish food. I will stuff myself like pig, I’m telling you. Am I sad that she will be gone? You might be surprised, but actually I will be a little. She can be annoying but unless Sing’s not home she’s quite fun to live with. Unless you think about all the hand-washing and everyday swiping-whole-neighborhood ritual – then it sucks. Try running with a broomstick around your area in the morning, when you’re half asleep.

Anyway, I guess it’s a right time to share our conclusions, thoughts and lessons we have learnt over past few months. And this time every single one of us, including Momzilla herself (you don’t experience that everyday!) with a guest experience of Biscuit, the smelly cat. Yes, as a crazy cat lady I speak cat. I gathered quotes from our discussion from last few days and I’m happy to share them with us!

Me

  • As I mentioned few posts ago I discovered more human and fun side of my mother in law. She had fun on playground, swinging and sliding. She said she’s happy which she never said to me before. There were many small situations that made me feel closer to her.
  • Despite everything I admire her how she can do so many things on her own. She spoke no English, yet she managed to pass visa interview and through the border with a stamp valid for 6 months. Last weeks I’ve been teaching her English and she’s making progress. Even when we’re done I see she used a translator and tries to study on her own. She’s very determined, not like most people in her age I knew before.image (48)
  • I don’t like to admit it but she’s a great cook – with leftovers I could only do fried rice but she can make a 3 dish meal from the same ingredients. In Hong Kong I thought ‘Of course, she’s on her territory, she knows what and where to buy. Try cooking abroad’. And I just cannot lie to you: I love it when she cooks, I hardly eat what I cook for husband (he is blindly in love with me therefore his taste buds have disappeared) but when she cooks I do a chopstick-fight for last piece of meat. But my tomato egg is tastier so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
  • She loves my husband more than I thought. There’s no love like parent’s love but she is very dedicated to him, not only in a spoiling kind of way, but when we had some leftovers she won’t eat them for her lunch if she knows he likes them. She will keep them and heat them up later for him.
  • Sing is a spoiled and he likes it. Sadly, but he really is – I’ve noticed he loves the competition between his mom and me. We both want to say ‘You do it better’ in case of cleaning or cooking so in the end he gets all the benefits.
  • Sometimes it’s just better to shut up. I wanted to burst out few times, but I just count to 10, ate my chocolate and let things go. She is too old to change, Sing is too spoiled to change so I just try to follow his philosophy ‘If you can’t change it or do anything about it, just ignore it’. That’s why they argue and I just sit there, enjoy my TV show and pretend they are not in the room.
  • I also learnt the most important thing: even after a huge fight, Momzilla won’t go and talk crap about me, she complains that’s a fact, but instead of making things worse she will try to make us come back to each other. One night we had a huge fight, like one of those where we go out the doors and leave the house, she kept talking to Sing to show what I tried to say (from a woman’s point of view) and asked him to come back home. She didn’t take his side, neither mine. She just tried us to make things right between us. I feel really touched when I think of that day. She is not against me, she is pro-us. She earned my greatest respect because I think a lot of mothers would take their child’s side.

Sing (quotes)

  • Seeing how you (that’s me, the good wife) how you take care of my mom showed me how bad son I am. I always believed in what she said, that it’s her to serve me and take care of me, that nodding my head means more than ‘Thank you’. I try to say ‘Sorry’ more often to her instead of letting things go.
  • I learnt that patience has it’s limits. Once your wife tolerates mother in law there is no chance for husband to do something that’s annoying or he will be dead. I felt like you were about to kill me. Quite often.
  • There is no way in the world I will live again in limited amount of space with the two of you. I made that mistake once and next time we are together I will be sure our bedrooms will be at least 2m away from each other.
  • If anyone makes the same mistake as me I would recommend to update your AV collection because it’s gonna be long 3 months. And believe me – your mother in law will know when you try to approach your wife. Cannot even cuddle because she will know image (46)and she will magically appear in the room. Always. Some kind of radar or something?
  • Even if you’re the only son and a Little Treasure you have no chance against the Uterus Union your mother and wife will have. Did I mention you both always talk at the same time? It’s better to give up, for your own sake. No man has ever won over woman.
  • If you ask me did I learn anything new about my mom? Besides the fact she actually really likes you – no. I know her so well, we always been close so there’s no surprise for me. But it improved my relationship with you, if you survived her and still are married to me, we will probably end up getting old and dying together (Charmer talking about the death again… and you don’t know if I come back from Poland, muahaha).

Momzilla (quotes)

  • Lina is a good wife, maybe doesn’t cook as well as me and you might get kidney problems (From Momzillian to English: that’s Momzillian idiom that I use too much soy sauce when Sing complains I hardly use it), but you won’t starve.
  • I still don’t like fur and everything but I regret not getting you (not getting for her Little Treasure) an animal, when you were young. Cats are so cute. Giant MiMi (no wonder when she feeds her for every meow) makes good companion. Maybe I should get one when I go back? (Can someone call like ASPCA or something?)
  • Young people are too naive trusting washing machines (insert a death stare at me). It might smell nice but it’s never clean enough.
  • Video games are not waste of time. Before you played your games, your sister played hers. Now our family plays together. So fun!

Biscuit (translated from cat, I hope nothing got lost in the translation)

  • You shall not trust Outside Humans. Outside Human dressed in a red cape will try to take you away. I shall sing the song of my people until Mommy or Hairless Food Dispenser comes to rescue me. Meow Meow Meow.
  • Despite being incredibly dangerous, Outside Human in the red cape seems to show appreciation for my singing. If I sing long enough, noms of gratitude will appear in food dish.
  • Outside Human will protect Mommy from being violated by Hairless Food Dispenser. If Mommy is crushed by him I will sing until Outside Human shows up to save her. Outside Human seems to be kind for it’s own kind.

In the end, despite weird complaints, obsession about cleaning and terrorizing love of my life a.k.a. Biscuit, she is quite fun to be with. image (47)Our place felt more alive, I wouldn’t want to live like that but I wish our families live closer, see each other once a week, maybe a month. I would get crazy living a traditional Chinese family model, but being together as a family, doing simple things like playing cards or video games, is really pleasurable. And I cannot deny, even if he doesn’t want to admit it, he is happy to be close to her. O also hope you enjoyed my Momzilla-series.

See you next year, Momzilla.
But for now I will enjoy my freedom, muhahaha.

How is your relationship in the family? Do you think you could stand your in-laws for 3 months? Would it make all of you closer or further to each other? Share your opinions, stories and funny anecdotes 🙂
Lina has no master. Lina is a free wife, and Lina has come to eat all the snacks and meet friends! 🙂
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36 thoughts on “三個月的總結 – 3 months summary

  1. Luckily, I got a good mother-in-law which just passed away during my visit in Hong Kong. i can’t stand my father-in-law as he is very nasty and picky old man and everyone must go or listen to him which make my husband mad and my children and I will have a hard time. I have the same feelings as you couldn’t wait to get out of Hong Kong asap and be freedom without any in-law to look over my shoulder.

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    1. she passed away? sorry to hear that 😦 but I have to say it’s the first time I hear about father in law being mean, it’s usually the mother who is the bad one. I hope one day you and your husband can show him that it cannot always be his way and maybe it will be better between the two of you. my FIL is a saint staying with momzilla 😉 but I haven’t talk to him much, seen him few times only 😦

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      1. Yea, I do hope so as all his brothers don’t like him also except for the eldest one then FIL will take his word and order and so as he say. For us it will be harder n keep my fingers cross he will change it as my MIL was gone now. I hardly have to deal with him as I don’t go back to HK often. Only these few years due to their old ages then we go back home yearly or twice yearly.
        At least you are free of the load with your MIL now that you are back home. Home sweet home, my friend….

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    1. snacks, instant noodles, western food or eat out. mostly snacks – that’s why Momzilla thinks my diet is really unhealthy. I have to agree but I don’t make Chinese food that tastes good in my opinion (Sing as I said doesn’t count lol) so I wait for eat-out days while eating snacks. Sometimes sandwiches if there’s a real bread at home. Once I asked Sing to get me so instead of going to the European Deli he went to normal supermarket and got me that sweet sponge that people call ‘bread’. That’s why I cannot wait to go back home and stuff myself like a pig. Oink oink 😀

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  2. The part about “being together as a family, doing simple things like playing cards or video games, is really pleasurable” reminds me very much of Swedish summers. Stuck in the countryside together with basically not much to do. (Sure there’s TV, but oftentimes the programming sucks in summer!) There’s definitely a closeness that builds in that environment. (Although I do recall it also caused a lot of fights between my brother and I, ha!) As for in-laws, I’m quite comfortable with them living a 20 minute train ride away. We see each other about once a month, and that works quite well for me. Living with them… … … no. You are stronger than I could ever be. 😄

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    1. my friend said I don’t give a crap anymore that’s why I survived haha 🙂 you’re lucky! 20 minutes is far away to not see each other everyday but close when you need or want to meet 🙂 are they really that annoying? :>

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      1. Haha, now I feel bad I said it like that! They’re actually very sweet, but sometimes I worry about their dynamics together (mother and granddad pick on the dad a lot and it gets awkward when they try to get me to agree with them), and if we’re at their house YJ always ends up eating too much and falling asleep somewhere and I’m left to fend for myself. 😄
        They are nice though, but I just prefer meeting occasionally outside at a restaurant or event etc rather than at their house (because we end up never leaving).

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          1. Hahaha!!! Synchronized sleeping, I love it! Standing up or sitting down, that could work. 😄
            I used to love that game but had to stop. It’s quite addictive. Also, my friends got too into it: I made a small village of them and they kept wanting updates on how the Sim versions of them were doing… Did you ever do anything like that when you played? (Or do you still play now? 🙂 )

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    1. me too, but I really hate the food quality here so I’m happy she cooks recently. if she’s not here i can make some western food and it’s not a problem for me i will eat it but she doesn’t like western food unless it’s… IKEA’s meal. so be prepared for my posts from Poland because there will be lots of food! and my diet will be better 🙂 hopefully I can take some stuff with me

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    1. it’s because you just woke up 😀 but thank you 🙂 I managed to survive, like they say – what doesn’t kill you makes you annoyed 😀
      but it also made me closer with Momzilla and Biscuit finally realized I’m her only ally so she should love me. although I need to say I have enough until next year haha 🙂

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  3. Ha ha ha! You’re soooo funny. 😀 As for relatives stuff, I haven’t done anything long term but when my parents and hubby’s parents get together, there is SO much laughing. Hubs and I sit back and just glow. It’s awesome.

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  4. Great post to end the Momzilla series! 😉 As you know, I lived together with my in-laws for a year before moving to our own place almost next to them. Some days it was much easier than I thought, some days it felt like I had no place of my own and I was a guest at their house. Now with our own place I can be me, even though my husband isn’t that happy of my messy habits! 😀

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    1. it must be like taking a breath of fresh air 🙂 I admire you that you could stand your inlaws for a year, I consider 3 months already a sacrifice haha 🙂 you’re a great daughter in law that you didn’t burst out haha 🙂
      btw. you was great in the tv show, even Momzilla was watching it with me 🙂

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  5. You nearly made it! I remember the last days I survived with MIL in our tiny apartment, I was getting sooo excited to regain some little freedom 🙂
    However now I can feel it already that MIL will stay with us once again for three months. I dont know yet but I do know it will be too soon :p

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    1. Good luck with that one 🙂 you can predict the evil coming 🙂 but at least I will have funny posts to read 🙂 but I really admire you for not closing your doors and pretending you’re not in 😀

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  6. Hahaha! Your cat is so funny 😉

    I can relate to your MIL experience. My MIL is really nice, but very over-protective. Maybe she’ll stay with us for some time in the near future and help out with the little one. I’m always torn between “it’s nice to have someone help out” and “I need space”.

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  7. Nice post, it’s very touching and funny. I’m glad things have worked out well for you guys. Have a good trip to Poland and hope you will blog more about there.

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  8. This was a really great post. I really like how you’ve made such a huge effort to understand and get close to your MIL instead of just complaining like a lot of women do! I have a complicated relationship with my in laws too, but I haven’t really been forced to face it so up and close like you have. Also, I suspect your cat and my cat, Chairman Meow have a lot in common.

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  9. Your posts can always make me laugh! haha. Sing got some great advise for his fellow “treasure sons” haha.
    I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one that can manage to get the tomato egg dish tasty 😀 haha. As of my MIL its a love/hate relationship, sometimes she can be very funny, BUT can she not understand a joke?! haha. I have a feeling she will come to europe sooner or later as she can’t stand being away from her son.. haha. Oh well, just pray that it will only be for a short visit 😀
    My FIL is awesome, he is so laidback and just wanna drink with me! haha. but yeah, no I never drink alone with him, as I am so scared I will say something stupid >.< haha. And he is not so interested in coming to Europe, as he think its waaaaay to far for him 😛

    And Lina, HAVE FUN IN POLAND 😀 eat lots of yummy food!!!

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  10. I visited my boyfriend in Korea and met his mother for the first time. She was too shy to talk to me most of the time because she can’t speak English and I speak Korean but I was nervous and didn’t say much either. But I realized that since my boyfriend still lives with her, he gets to eat comfort food every day and is used to the way it is at his home. He can cook and we’ve discussed how we will eventually split housework, but I definitely feel the pressure. My mom didn’t cook much and I had to learn how to clean the whole house alone, so maybe I got good experience? And now that I live alone I have more opportunity to test out my cooking alone before I live with him. But we know for sure that we want our own place. Even if I have to live with her for a few months, I might go slightly insane, despite her kindness.

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  11. Thank you for liking my recent post ‘Mindfulness in Ho Chi Minh which in turn has led me to your blog. How wonderful that you and your husband share so much diversity of tradition and are bringing this alive in a new country. xx

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  12. Hmm. Any chance at all for you and Sing to live in another home outside of his parental home in HK? I can only assume that his job is based in HK and he won’t consider a career move elsewhere.

    It’s going to be a challenge if you ever have a child….or even just to grow as a couple, individuals within a marriage. As for this statement: “•Sing is a spoiled and he likes it. Sadly, but he really is – I’ve noticed he loves the competition between his mom and me. We both want to say ‘You do it better’ in case of cleaning or cooking so in the end he gets all the benefits.” There is a point you will have find new traditions, new regular foods that aren’t his mother’s nor his, etc. That happens better outside of in-laws.

    I will have a blog post about my partner and I…with a very narrow tight focus.

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