心理月經 – period brain or a story about complaints

During last 7 weeks of Momzilla’s staying here we both improved our relationship. image (37)We talk more. Or I should say we do everyday charades to communicate. Language barrier between us gets smaller and we are able to get rid of that awkward silence.
I can even say that we feel quite comfortable in each other’s presence. So why I still call her ‘Momzilla’?

Well, since I can understand more of what she’s saying I can understand that 90% of what she’s saying are some kind of complaints. Smaller or bigger, but there’s no day without complaining. Most of the time, just like my husband, we pretend to listen, nod our heads, do the ‘hmmm’ sound and let her talk, talk, talk. That’s how she was, how she is today and probably after her death she will haunt Sing and me just to complain how afterlife sucks and that we’re not burning her tasty paper-food. I’m used to it, but my life was easier when I had no clue what she’s complaining about.

I’m a patient person, I have a love-needy husband, always-not-satisfied father and forever-hungry cat, trust me – I know what patience it. I also know she’s pretty lonely so I try not to get bothered by her and just let her say things out, but there’s a time of the month NONE of us can handle the tension in the house. That’s where we come to the ‘period brain’.

You may ask me: what is ‘period brain’. According to the Urban Dictionary ‘When bitches be going crazy due to their menstrual cycle. Periodbrain may cause: irrational thoughts, spontaneous crying, extreme anger, random freak-outs, freak-outs over boys, the creation of unrealistic scenarios and just pure bitchiness‘. Sadly, I have to agree, I have it too. Last week I called my husband a ‘butt hole’ and literally cried to him that he doesn’t love me anymore because he didn’t want to buy Snowy Moon Cakes from Hong Kong. Now when I think of it 35USD plus tax for few moon cakes is pretty expensive but at that time I was affected by my period-brain and just wanted that pack. To be honest I still want it but I’m not bitching around about it anymore. To be fair, how a girl cannot burst when a guy says ‘I know you feel bad’… You know nothing Jon Snow! You don’t even get a joke because you don’t watch ‘Game of Thrones’.
Now you know why I laugh when people tell him that he is the lucky one to have me…

2013-08-24-20-06-44I can bet some of you are like ‘Lina, but why you say both of you have the period brains, when your mother in law is in the age she probably doesn’t even remember how it is?’. The answer is simple: I’m having a period that means she doesn’t have a grandchild. Well, to be honest I don’t know how on earth we should even proceed to conceiving one when she’s sleeping behind a room divider and feeds my husband with onion and garlic for every meal. If I get pregnant then I would suggest you look up in the sky, because last time something like that happened we had a new era coming.

So with all the pain of not having a grandchild she has a week long complaint festival and longer it lasts, the complaints get more ridiculous. All until I’m ready again to become an incubator of her dreams. Because of the above I spent last few weeks writing down what she’s saying and made my list of most annoying, bizarre or silly complaints Momzilla made since she’s here. Enjoy!

  • Do you want to make a grandchild? Doesn’t have to be a grandson (in the rhythm of ‘Do you want to build a snowman’ from Frozen). She will approach me while I try to eat just to show me videos of ladies during their labor and when I ask Sing to tell her it kinda kills my appetite and she will start nagging that we’re getting old and sooner I have a child sooner he can get more tax deduction. You read it right.
  • No washing machine can gain my trust. Only hand washing can make your clothes clean. Well, I can walk in my dirty washing machine-made laundry. But I don’t blame her, my husband’s grandma first washes things in hands then puts them to the washing machine.image (36)
  • Bus fare is too damn high! Let’s just walk that 24 km to Sing’s work. We will save 10 dollars and waste 5 hours of our lives. Totally worth it. Don’t mind you can die on the way there. The only fair price is the same amount she pays in Shanghai – 2 RMB which is 32 cents. Don’t be fooled, buses in Hong Kong are quite expensive too!
  • Chinese babies are not pretty. Where do you have your eyes, woman? The only beautiful Asian child is Sing, not even his sister, only him himself. Beautiful, smart, dream of every girl. She gets really upset when she is told that our child might look more Asian than white. It will have only half of the God’s genes so it at least should be blond with bright eyes and chubby cheeks which is the only acceptable ‘cute baby look’.
  • That pork bone has no meat. She would stand LITERALLY for 10 minutes in front of a meat stand in our local Chinese mall and complaint to us and the guy who works there how American malls give no meat on the bones, how bad the soup will be and how big portions are back in Asia. Later she will sit in the back of our car and keep talking about that pork bone. Every single time she will eat the soup made out of those bones she will also complain about the very same thing. It gives around 1h total of complaining about stupid bones. To make it more funny she doesn’t like meat at all.
  • I want to eat Western food but not that. Italian? No, too cheesy and looks like mud. Polish? Too meaty. Czech? Too heavy. Greek? Too raw. And who eats lamb? American? Too much sodium, but burger from In-N-Out is acceptable when starving. French? Is garlic bread french? Nah, let’s eat Asian food. You waste an hour of your life to find what she wants to eat and that’s even before entering the restaurant. You can only imagine how much it takes once she gets the menu.
  • Why people look at me like that when I approach their children? With her granny-needs she approached random
    Luckily, young me matches her standards and gives a hope for a blond grandbaby
    Luckily, young me matches her standards and gives a hope for a blond grandbaby

    people on the street, in shops or in IKEA, stares at their babies for a while and wants to play with them. She doesn’t even have a feeling she should first ask if she can, later she complaints why people look at her like she was a weirdo. Somehow she cannot understand ‘You cannot touch babies without a permission’ – not in English, Shanghainese neither Cantonese. But she will complain it’s not as nice as in Asia (where she doesn’t look at babies – go back to complaint #4)

  • Why do you tip so much? No, Sing doesn’t tip anyone like he was at least 李嘉誠. But Momzilla is used to 10% that is already charged in most of the places she eats in Hong Kong. If it’s not a fancy place she will complain for every tip that is over 10%. Her shanghainese brain has calculator inside, when it goes to counting spending or prices she’s faster than any computer made by a human. If you’re not fast enough to hide the receipt, be prepared for an hour long ride with a 1-record CD ‘Why you tip so much’ by Momzilla and The Gang.

Most of the time I ignore it.  During ‘haunt for red October’ I used to freak out and put my husband in very uncomfortable position between me and her, now I try to laugh about it because two crazy ladies in 30m2 is more than enough for one Hong Kong man.

Do you have anyone like Momzilla in your family? Do you agree or disagree with her? Share your stories and anecdotes, I would love to read them 🙂
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39 thoughts on “心理月經 – period brain or a story about complaints

    1. haha 🙂 yes, Momzilla could have her own book 🙂 I think if you let her write all the complaints she has about everything it could be a hit haha 🙂 before I published this post I was cooking and she complained for an hour why I use buckwheat instead of rice. half an hour, until the cooker turned off haha 🙂

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  1. Daaaaaaaaaang. That’s a lot of complaining. And I used to think that *I* complained too much.
    Hahaha. But that lady really wants her grandkids!

    Would she come live with you permanently once you have a kid?

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    1. Believe me, that’s not even 1% of what she complained about, but if I mentioned everything she would look like a heartless old witch haha 🙂
      according to her – yes, according to me – hell no, go away. she even mentioned she can take my child back to Hong Kong (!), I felt little bit like Susan in that moment. luckily she doesn’t mention that thing anymore, but it was like an instant birth control haha

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  2. Wow, she complains a lot, doesn’t she. Living with her must be frustrating sometimes.

    Oh, if she wants pork bone with meat, just have her get the “country style ribs” in the normal supermarket. It’s basically like spare ribs except I don’t know why it’s called country style. It’s got tender meat and bone. It worked for us.

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    1. that might be a solution! but then she will complain they are too expensive or something haha it’s so funny, there’s no way she can be satisfied. but on the other hand that helped my husband to prepare for my PMS haha. maybe if I hide the price… but thank you, I need to see it 🙂

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      1. I understand that, my mom used to do the same thing with snack, no matter how, she cannot be satisfied.

        This cut of meat is not expensive by the way, at least that’s what I know from my local market. But if she complains about the price, hide it. 🙂 Good luck.

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  3. We used to joke here that, our moms don’t have specific periodbrain time, it is periodbrain 365 days a year! Sometimes you just don’t know why they suddenly goes into bad mood and complain and get angry!
    My mom washes the clothes by hand first too, in fact she even soaks the clothes overnight in water before going to the washing machine. She said it’s to eliminate the sweat first.
    And, I suspect one of the reasons you might not want a baby yet is because of her 😀

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    1. she’s a walking birth control haha 🙂 good to know not only my family is crazy about washing! do you have any idea why is it like that? any belief or something? the only person who can sweat is Sing – he doesn’t sweat, he gives out the ambrosia haha 🙂

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  4. I don’t know why she does it, seeing that Sing is from HK and your Momzilla is from Shanghai, you guys rarely sweat there right? But for me here in the tropics, sweating is common. For my mom, she wants to wash away the sweat and dissolve it with lots of water ASAP, if we leave the clothes in sweat stain for more than a day, the sweaty smell will stay with the clothes forever.

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    1. it reminds me when the first thing she did in the house was taking off her clothes and washing them, maybe it really has to do with the temperature… I’m from Poland, I don’t know the concept of sweat haha 🙂

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  5. Oh this was wonderful. 😄 I feel like I have to preface every comment on your blog with: I feel your pain… but at the same time some of it is just so darned ridiculous I can’t help but laugh.
    What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… Chant with me! 😀
    We only have YJ’s granddad asking about great-grandkids, but only when I’m not around, so I’m cool with that. Also, he says every year he thinks he’s going to die soon, so I’m sure he’s concerned about not being able to enjoy having a little one around. (He’s 84, so the concern is valid at least.)

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    1. it’s kinda ironic – his grandpa is 84, here Momzilla is 58, my dad is 47 this year (but he has a heart condition) and they both are like ‘I might not make it until my grandchild is here…) but good they are not so pushy 🙂

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      1. Yeah, I’m grateful they’re not pushy… I mean YJ and I are getting old (already in our thirties, ahem) so of course we’re thinking about it, but probably not for the next 2 years. I think YJ hasn’t mentioned that to granddad though, since maybe he’ll intensify his complaints about dying *soon*. (I almost suspect he’s going to outlive us all though, he’s super active! XD)

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  6. Lol. I suffered from a Momzilla too. Know how you feel girl. During period brain days, pretend to be awfully sick and just curl up in bed. Cry a bit if you need to about being homesick and all, especially if your husband is around and she will leave you alone. Soldier on girl, after 7 years, my Momzilla and I plan vacations together.

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  7. It sounds like your MIL is just demented. And I find it somewhat surprising that she has such strong white-worshipping tendencies given that she seems to be very conservative and traditional in other aspects of life.

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    1. she doesn’t worship adult white people, only babies up to 3 years old are cute in her mind. and Sing in any age 😉 she can be wicked, but you can get used to it. My husband and his family didn’t abandon her after all those years haha 🙂

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    1. I really admire Sing and his family – they are complaint-proof, I even asked Sing does he remember other weird stuff she says and he’s like ‘No, I don’t even listen anymore’. I also think it’s advantage for me – I can be mean through my PMS and he won’t be upset about it haha 🙂

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  8. My dad says, as a Buddhist, we should be thankful to my mom, she allows us to practice 忍辱般若密 (The Withstanding Humiliation Mantra) 😀

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  9. I do wonder about point 4. A LOT of asian women think this way, that white is cuter and asian (them) is not. Does that mean when they have children they don’t think they’re cute?

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  10. Good to see that you can joke about all this, I think most of us would have already gone crazy, but it seems like you’re coping pretty well.

    When my MIL went to Beijing for a day or two, she took pictures of every little foreign toddler she saw (that was before we got a baby). She especially liked the ones with blonde hair. I think when looking forward to their grandkids’ foreign looks, some of the grandparents-to-be forget that maybe their grandchild will actually look quite Asian. My in-laws are quite smitten with our baby boy (or rather the pictures my husband has to send them on a daily basis to make them happy) and they don’t complain, but for people who like complaining, there’s always something to complain about. You really should have a baby just so you can tell us what your MIL complains about then.

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  11. Oh how I feel with you. All of these complains I know by heart 😀 (are all Chinese MIL loaded with the same brain?)
    I think my mil never used our washing machine either, something about clothes not getting clean enough or something like that…
    Honestly, I could comment on each of those complains because I know them so well, but hey, don’t want to a possible own blog post now 🙂
    However, there is one complain I haven’t heard yet and it’s about giving tips and this is only because you basically don’t give much tips in Finland anyways (never gave one when mil was around)

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    1. we could start a blog together ‘Crazy Chinese Mothers-in-Law’ haha 🙂 she mentions the same thing, that washing machine won’t make the clothes as clean as by her hands, although I believe that my washing machine is much better than my weak hands, plus it saves time and money. unless you make 4 loads of laundry and use 12 drying… that was Momzilla’s first American-laundry experience. can’t wait to see the bill 😀

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      1. No no, better not doing a blog together as I would loose 90% of my content by writing it’s you about crazy and weird MILs :p
        Poor you about the bill and good for me the we have our own washing machine and that MIL is even not touching the machine…
        Let’s see how she will be later on when she visits us next year in our new home 🙂
        Probably we will even go to Poland when she visits next time to visits my fathers “ancestral”/ family estate in Kolczewo. Not so much family left there but I haven’t been there myself for 20 years….

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  12. Hello, you know me as “stacywahh” on Instagram.
    I, like you, suffer from “period brain” so I totally understand the moon-cake thing though… I just couldn’t understand whyyyy my husband wouldn’t buy me the $50 Lion King blu-ray but luckily I found it for free at our library.

    My mother-in-law is Taiwanese, and luckily, my Mandarin isn’t that good and neither is her English, but I’ve witnessed many an argument between my sister-in-law and her buying groceries. We went on vacation for a weekend, and my mother-in-law wanted to buy all these vegetables when we only went to get stuff for lunch (so we would eat out for dinner).

    When they call, the first thing she asks is if I’m pregnant yet, then she reminds my husband of how sad it is she only has one grandchild. My husband knows babies are in the “five-year-plan” so I ask him what his response is and he said “Well I tell her ‘soon'”. Since when is “soon” the same as “in the next five years’?

    My in-laws are actually considering moving near us and are practically insisting that we move in with them if they do. While tempting, it also makes me kinda nervous that as my Chinese gets better, my “quiet but sweet” image of her will slowly fade. haha

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  13. Hahahha I laughed most of the way through this. Thanks 🙂
    I never had these kinds of problems, because me and mum in law are pretty much the same except with a language barrier. Both love beer and books and museums. We walk around them pointing stuff out to one another and nodding. I might have had the grandkid pressure thing to deal with from dad-in-law, but we got pregnant so… 😄

    Best of luck with it! Sounds like they’re putting the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional

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  14. Your bullet point “That pork bone has no meat” reminds me of my former boss’s temporary driver in Shenzhen.

    My boss was from Australia, and wanted to get something non-local for lunch. I suggested a neighborhood called Shekou, which is something of an expat enclave. No matter which menu we looked at, our Chinese driver asked the waiter if they had something suitable for Chinese people.

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  15. I’m a male born and raised in Singapore. If I had a mother like your mother-in-law, one of us(either my mother or I) wouldn’t have made it past my teen years. In fact, if I were your husband, I would be silently plotting a way to get rid of her(maybe for good). I don’t know if you have mentioned this, but have you ever met your father-in-law? Usually, women like your MIL have a husband who is the total opposite to balance things out and to calm things down.

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    1. you are right – my father in law is totally opposite of her, my husband is like him: both of them learned how to ignore her nagging haha 🙂 no wonder my FIL works so hard, I believe he hides at work from her haha now he has some freedom since she’s here. maybe it’s just all the women born around 50’s, 60’s and 70’s in Asia are like that? I see a lot of people mention Momzilla isn’t the only one haha 🙂 thank you so much for your comment Shaun! 🙂

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  16. I feel for laughing at your pain but I can’t help it. I already got the idea of what kind of person your mother-in-law is but she seems like the stereotypical Asian mother-in-law 😄 At least the ones that appear in Korean dramas are similar.

    You just have to endure, I guess. And I agree with the others, this would make for some funny book about in-laws which every wife would totally sympathize with. ‘Unexpected You’, a Korean show, shows a lot of problems in-laws pose and indirectly criticizes it. At the same time, it’s also funny. You might just enjoy watching it (it gets better after the first ten episodes).

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  17. interesting script of life. and perspective. having lived in china for six years, it’s interesting to hear your thoughts. JT

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