亞洲女性崇洋?- are Asian girls xenophilic?

I don’t usually write about that kind of topics, but one of my friends asked ‘Do you think Asian girls are extremely xenophilic?’. To give you a background for this question I introduce you the story of Cheap Agent 689 (7 in Cantonese slang sounds like penis so you can figure it out yourself; it’s also term used for CY Leung, Chief Executive of Hong Kong), David Bond. am-af-wm
That self-declared professional pick-up artist encourage his friend to ‘steal’ a local, strangely calm, guy’s date. Video went viral, Cheap Bond kept posting videos he made around Asia, including posting a video of him having sex with a Japanese girl on one of the porn sites. Classy, isn’t he? Real gentleman. You would think that now, since probably everyone who has Internet in East Asia saw the video and they will stay away from the Douchebag Gang, but they were spotted few days ago in Taiwan, surrounded by girls.
Now with the background information I can give you my answer. Or actually two.

If my opinion was based only on the opinions of men, with no personal experience, I would say: yes, they are. They might not say it out loud, but click on any Hong Kong/Chinese/Asian forum and you will find quite a lot of men being upset, they say it’s unfair to have different standards for a local man and a foreigner (check out this funny video that pretty much could sum up a lot of online posts, click here to see). Even some friends of mine complain quite a lot that is so hard for them to compete with foreigners. Technically we can talk about double standards for Asian men.

But isn’t it the same for Asian girls? It is less socially acceptable for women to date outside of their culture/ethnicity/nationality (choose whatever you want), than for men. I can relate it to myself and Poland, which still is quite conservative when it goes to dating someone from a different country. If you have a guy dating a foreign girl in most of the cases videothey will hear comments like ‘Great choice, exotic chick, you must be such a playboy’. Even in one of the shops in Guangzhou my husband heard shopping clerks talking to each other ‘That guy must be good to handle a ghost girl‘. If you flip the people and you have a girl dating a foreigner it has to be either for his money or his penis. I cannot count how many times I read about Asian girls liking ‘white sausages’ – I mean, if you try real Polish ‘biala kielbasa’ it’s just delicious ;), but the perception of WMAF seems to be really bad.  And as a girl in interracial relationship I read few comments about myself like ‘He must have bought you, you gold digger‘ or ‘So Polish guys are not good enough for you? Wanted some exotic fruits?‘ and of course my favorite ‘You are shame to Slavic race, thanks to you it will extinct’. Of course not everyone is like that, I can also read many comments that cheer me up by seeing how open-minded people can be, but still sadly majority of them is negative towards girls. And as much as I agree why Hongkongers got so upset with the Cheap Bond affair, even I got really, really frustrated because – we like it or not – it will have an impact on the opinion about Hong Kong girls. It’s quite sad to read those comments since I know how it feels. I mean seriously, you can’t find Sing on the world richest people list in Forbes and as far as I know he’s not a porn star, then using wallet-penis logic, why did I even marry him?

Now going to my personal experience: honestly speaking I don’t have many Asian female friends that I keep in touch with or I’m close with them, but if I make a statistic in 10 Asian female I know only 3 of them had/have non-Asian partner. The rest of them never even dated a foreigner and openly say they are only interested in ‘their own men’. I think 30% doesn’t really stand for ‘xenophilic’. To be even more honest I know more white girls dating foreigners than Asian girls. So should I change the question into are the Western girls xenophilic? More opened? You don’t really see that many complaints, they are somewhere up there, there are people making that kind of comments but still it’s less often than in case of Asian girls.012de1b602c41461c250e5876a0d665d

Conclusion: Some people like blondes, some people like redheads. Some people like Asians, other people like Latinos, some other Middle East. Some claim they wouldn’t date a chubbier girl, some girls claim they wouldn’t want a guy shorter than themselves. I would never date a guy younger than me – that’s my preference. And even with those perfectly normal preferences, which everyone has, people fall in love with those they wouldn’t expect to. Of course there will always be people of both genders who see dating a foreigner as an upgrade, nationality or race, but I personally find it stupid. Love is love, knows no gender or race, it just happens. It can hit you no matter if you’re rich or poor, white, black, Asian. You can love someone totally different from you aside of your perfect person image. It doesn’t bother me if someone dates an outsider, I just hate assholes like David Bond and his friend, I hope we won’t need to see guys like them anymore.
Dating is very intimate case and I think we should not judge someone’s preferences and choices, as long as they don’t hurt anyone. Looking at it in a more optimistic way: more Asian girls dating foreigners means more single Asian men for girls loving Asian men ;). Just let each other love.

How would you answer this question? What is the majority of opinions you hear? I would love to read your stories and opinions!
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33 thoughts on “亞洲女性崇洋?- are Asian girls xenophilic?

    1. I think mostly females can relate to that problem, Asian girls hear about eating white sausages, we hear about being gold diggers because why else we would date an Asian guy… why people don’t just let people love whoever they want 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Not quite related to Asian girls but still: Being a native of a country very close to Poland 😉 I really like Asian men, mostly Japanese ones at least appearance-wise (which, you must agree, is kinda pretty important since the majority of our race wouldn’t consider Asians to be beautiful enough to date). My own parents say that they don’t want to have an Asian-looking husband and my friends say that Asian men are either ugly or look too girly (think Korean pop stars). They’re totally fine listening to their music and enjoying their culture and movies but it’s a no-no when it comes to actual real-life romance. When I told mom I was planning on moving to Japan, we had a huge argument, because she’s okay with me moving to South Pole – anything’s better than moving to a country with a culture completely different than ours. Also the majority of my friends think that Asians (Chinese and Japanese mostly) are cruel, violent, perverted, unemotional and cunning (and yeah, the usual stereotype, have short penises) which simply comes from watching too many movies about samurai and seppuku and kamikaze history.
    The bottom line is, people are always hesitant to accept the reality of the fact that some people are not what you’d consider “normal” by general terms. If your likes are more or less peculiar then you stand out which (despite our modern so-called democratic society) is still being frowned upon.
    As for Asian girls… there seem to be 3 types: a) They hunt foreigners only; b) They’re just open-minded; c) They prefer “their own men” because in reality like you’ve written before, Asian women are the ones dominant in the family.
    Btw, what about Asian parents of your partner? I often hear that Japanese parents are against their son/daugher having a foregin husband/wife. What do you think?

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  2. Perhaps. The truth is though that there are A LOT of Asians in the world, especially in China. The vast, vast majority marry within their race. In the cities and in the expat scene you see a lot of girls into the exoticness of foreigners. Some are into the physical, some are into the wallets sure. I must admit, it’s an advantage to be a foreigner in China but it isn’t everything. Especially the last few years women don’t just throw themselves at white guys anymore, they have standards.

    The point is, what are the general standards women have for men? While everyone is different, here’s my point about most people. Woman like men of high social status, who have confidence, good taste, experience, and know the right way to act.

    The physical thing is a distraction. Masculinity and femininity is more about behavior. A lot of white guys like the feminine style of Asian girls, and the culture of foreign men brings out a more masculine energy that women like often over their Chinese brothers’. Maybe this has to due with the culture changing too fast. Like, in times of great change for China women are more adaptable but men are being left behind and don’t know how to act. They need to learn faster, frankly, how to be ‘masculine.’ If that makes sense. I have all kinds of theories.

    The point is, the average Chinese brothers out there need to man up and act in a more attractive fashion. Be confident! Classy! Know how to please a woman… That’s the only thing keeping them back, not looks or anything else physical.

    The guys who complain online are reinforcing the problem. Complaining and whining is extremely unattractive, it’s the worst mindset to have and just digs yourself a deeper hole.

    They will figure it out. China didn’t get the world’s largest population by being celibate. It might have been simpler in the old days, but now it’s time to learn something new to compete with the rest of the world.

    For me, I agree about not having racial preferences, although I do have cultural preferences. Diversity is the spice of life and I for one would never say I’m only attracted to one nationality, one hair color, etc. Yet on the subject of personality (which is of course most important) I’m thinking more and more that someone with an international background closer to mine is who I’d really want to settle down with…

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  3. Hah, people think whatever they want to think. My way is to make it clear how little they know about anything by breaking all the stereotypes they have of your situation. Example: my wife is Korean. What conclusions would most people jump to?
    So when the topic comes up, I explain that we met on holiday in Scandinavia. I’m from Australia, she’s from Korea. I met her after a music festival in Germany. Straight away they’re confused. They ask what she does and I explain that she’s using her fine arts degree and her diploma in patisserie from Le Cordon Bleu to run her own cake business.
    You think she’s a mail order? Hah.
    Also, she’d only dated Korean dudes up until we met.
    You think she was after… damn do they really call it that?! Hahahaha!
    Point being, by criticising your choice of husband, they’re only showing how closed-minded, judgemental, and ignorant they are.
    Stay awesome,
    D.R.Sylvester

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Honestly, I think you are very close to the truth of Asian women being not much open to inter racial dating/ marriage. Personally I think it’s bullshit and we should be with the person whom we love irrespective of whether he is black or white, rich or poor. I have myself faced way too many snide comments and prejudices for having an American boyfriend, but in the end all that matters is love. Thanks for sharing not so comfortable, but glaring truthful thoughts on this post.

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  5. In China, most Chinese women do date inside their own race. And that’s okay, because there aren’t that many foreigners in China. The stereotype about Asian girls being xenophilic probably stems from foreign guys who are more confronted with women who seek out foreigners in particular. I personally know a few Chinese women who prefer to date foreigners, but they are in the minority. Of those I do know who date foreigners, quite a few have found love unexpectedly, not because they were seeking out foreigners. And quite a few of them were hesitant to get together with a foreigner at first, not because they are racist, but because they date to marry and had to consider all the pros and cons of being in a cross-cultural relationship (like going abroad to live with their partner, their own career path, having to learn a new language from scratch, having a long-distance relationship, …).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve always been more attracted to my own race than to any other race- don’t get me wrong, I do find guys of any race attractive but to be honest, I do prefer to date an asian guy. Asian guys that get annoyed about how ‘all’ asian girls prefer white guys/foreigners most likely just hasn’t looked/tried hard enough, so they’re making excuses for their inability to get a GF.

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  7. You could say the same for white men when it comes to Asian women. We call it “yellow fever” (yes, i know, not very politically correct). For women who are in to black men, we call it “jungle fever” (again, not very PC). I will admit that i am a guy who likes any woman who is not white, even more so if they are asian. I have no idea why, but i just do. I don’t analyze it to much. Instead, i just accept it and it is very normal to me. If i were not married to a Filipina, i may have married a Thai, an Indonesian, a Malaysian, only because those are the nationalities of women i dated. Anyhow, i just live my life and don’t give a damn what other people say.

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  8. This is quite a loaded topic, actually there are several issues here. amwfcouple raised a similar topic on her blog, and I posted about how it is more to do with the nature of many WMAF relationships (a significant proportion are of old/creepy/fat/social losers who take advantage of the standard of living between East and West to attract young asian women) rather than any general hatred of WMAF in itself. Of course there will be resentment and anger from local guys in any country, far moreso than when it is a local guy with a foreign girl – men in general are more aggressive, and therefore let themselves show it in public when they don’t like something.

    Another factor is also the numbers involved; for every AMWF there are 20 WMAFs (in UK anyway, although judging by what I see on the street you do wonder if they’ve left a 0 or two 0s out…) So of course there is bitter resentment from asian males, the gender imbalance in the East exacerbates it as well.

    and finally, as you picked up, there is the PUA nature of white men. It is no secret that men see the East (China-Japan-Philipines-Thailand) as a sex haven for them. They plan holidays to get guaranteed sex from local women, and of course you get “players” like David Bond who would struggle to get any girls in the West for being such a creep, being very successful with women there.

    Also your last comment : “Looking at it in a more optimistic way: more Asian girls dating foreigners means more single Asian men for girls loving Asian men” – that’s not quite true, a lot of non asian women who don’t date their own race tend to stay single (or become a single mother by choice – at least in the UK), or of course go with other races. Asian men are generally unwanted!

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  9. 亞洲女性崇洋?就唔一定。
    香港人同日本人崇洋就一半一半。
    樓上無名人士不知所謂,鐘意妓女同叫雞就真嘅。

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  10. There are always a lot of Asian women with a white fetish and vice-versa. I’ve known quite a few and these girls always have some issues. Asian guys are better off without them anyway. No matter how how legit a WMAF relationship is, there always will be a stigma because of these women and sometimes the children have the bear the brunt of these. Eliot Rodgers was one of those too.
    Yes, this issue is real.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRHWOK5f1sE Imagine what a kid of an WM chinese female relationship would feel if he or she saw this video.

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  11. I think the blogger needs to live in North American big cities for a couple of years. Things may be different when Asians are a minority in certain cities while in other cities like Vancouver and Toronto, there are very large % of Asian-based locals.

    In the end, it is what keeps a marriage and relationship alive and healthy, respectful of and faithful for one another for decades.

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    1. we live in San Francisco Bay Area and in many areas I can see more Asian people than others. I see much more AMWF and WMAF and it seems pretty normal, I think I’m the only one shocked but it’s a shock in a positive way. Hope one day people just simply won’t care who is dating who 🙂

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  12. This reminded me of the article by AMWF Couple last week or so and Anonymous (I think it is the very same Anonymous) made some valid points there as well. Due to my relationship I had heard too often in the past the term “yellow feve” and this is probably to the vast majority of WMAF couples who fit perfectly that stereotype.

    He also wrote fittingly “Regarding what is seen as a fetish, society sees being with one’s own race as the norm – you grow up with them, you see them all the time with family. So when someone shows attraction to someone of another race, it is very easy for them to call it a fetish.”, pretty much the harsh truth.

    Lets just hope that society/ mankind! evolves further into more tolerance and acceptance towards these issues in the future as for now we are far away from it 😦

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  13. Hey! I’m living in Hong Kong now, so it was great to find your blog! I actually found your blog when you were talking about Chinese dating shows. Funny stuff! I was going to ask, do you know of any HK dating shows that are available online? I looked up some of the ones that you wrote about, but since I’m learning Cantonese, I’d rather watch a HK one. So far I haven’t been able to find any available online.

    And about your topic, that David Bond guy was definitely a creep, but obviously the girl wasn’t so into the guy if she left him so easily. Better for the Asian guy to be rid of her then!

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    1. I’m not really familiar with those, but there was something like 盛女愛作戰 or Brides Wannabes – it should fit your taste, not like the Mainland shows, but still got 25% of Hongkongers watching it 🙂 hope you will like it! 🙂

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  14. Haha, I love the “wallet-penis theory”. I’ve definitely heard it used, thankfully not in relation to me (at least not to my face, eep!)… But anyway I agree with your conclusion: anyone should be free to love who they like. (Although ideally of the mutual and non-stalkery variety) XD

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  15. I think one of reasons why certain Asian girls prefer to date Asian guys is because of culture and mutual understanding. Dating someone from a different culture can be quite daunting or challenging if it goes against your own religion or beliefs. Whether it’s cultural habits or language barriers there will be those who prefer to date within their own race.

    To be honest I’ve never thought to myself “I’d never date a guy from so and so country” that’s just never been my way of thinking. For me it’s about the person not the theory behind it. So I guess I’m on the side of peace and interracial love lol.

    P.S. love you blog!

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  16. I have absolutely no idea about being xenophilic or not. My sister and I were both Asian born but US bred – she has never dated an Asian guy, and I’ve dated mostly Asians but also Caucasians and other Asians but not specifically Chinese. I think it’s mostly preference like you said, and personal comfort. My sister is definitely more Americanized and spent more time with Caucasians whereas I was expected to be with my parents more (as the eldest) so by exposure I think I was more “Asian-ified”. But I think at a certain point in life, a girl starts to realize that it’s hard to find a good guy so when you do, hopefully parents will be accepting and the girl as well! Thanks for stopping by also. I couldn’t find how to comment on your posts until just recently!

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    1. interesting how you worded it. I have to ask, why do you and your sister equate “Americanised” with Caucasian? After all, like you there are many US born AND bred Asians… yet your sister thinks that being american is to be caucasian. They are not mutually exclusive. And if you’ve managed to date asians, it’s not like there are none in the area… so it sounds like your sister is selectively NOT dating asians.

      Also I note how you say “its hard to find a good guy”, do you mean there are no good asians?

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      1. well if you think about it, a lot of our social definitions are not something we make up as children right? it’s something that has been associated with either from culture, either our own, other similar ones, and sometimes from the other ones that aren’t even close. It’s not just her, it’s large populations of people. People in Asia will most likely not associate being African-American as Americanized and yet they are also equally as American as us. Same also for Hispanics.

        And my statement is what it is: it is hard to find a good guy. Didn’t say good asians, good white guys, good black guys, or good hispanic guys… just a good guy period.

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  17. I think people are missing the point, the problem is not that Chinese women are xenophilic but the consequence of this phenomenon.

    China suffers from the worst gender ratio imbalance in the world, there is a severe shortage of women in China. Western world on the other hand have surplus women. Western men come to China and get local girl is analogous to an obese guy take food away from a starving guy.

    The WM/AF phenomenon aggravates China’s gender ratio issue. Excessive male population can be extremely devastating, those men who can’t get woman become angry, frustrated and violent. They often “revenge” the society by commit massacre at public place or school, this kind of incidents are increasing fast in China.

    When the accumulated angry and frustration reaches critical level, war will break out since that’s the only way to prevent society collapse. The purpose of war is to “waste” surplus male and/or loot women from other country(which was a common practice in ancient times). It is estimated that by year 2040-2050 there will be 50 million surplus men in China, what could be more dangerous than 50mil angry guys who have nothing to lose but armed with nuclear weapon?

    Those xenophilic Chinese women and yellow fetish western men are jeopardizing world peace, in that sense they aren’t much different than terrorists.

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    1. The gender imbalance is self inflicted as a nation, although the one child policy certainly plays a part (most Chinese families would want several boys and girls – if forced to have one, they will almost always choose a boy).

      But you are right – a man who has done everything right – studied hard, worked hard, abided by the law – and dies childless and without a wife – it leads to anger, violence.

      I was watching the World Cup and they said there is a 2 million surplus of women in Brazil. Other western nations also have the same.

      Of course it doesn’t help that immigration from China is mostly women (in the UK 60% of Chinese students are women…. no other foreign nationality has a greater female number than male). Conversely, immigration TO China is mostly men – a good example is the number of white men compared to white women in China. Not to mention the nature of said white men in China (many of whom are out there to get easy sex and women…. how many Chinese men go to the West for that? No, they do it for jobs and education)

      Liked by 1 person

  18. @Anonymous

    I live in a country with serious surplus white women issue (New Zealand), the govenment want to “import” more men into the country. But despite the existence of large amount lonely white female, you rarely see any AM/WF couple in this country, AF/XM couple on the other hand is prevalent(this further aggravates surplus white women issue).

    As for China, China has been undergoing rapid military modernization and expansion in recent years. I guess the govenment is aware of the chanllenge and preparing for worst-case scenario.

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    1. I said it plays a part, but certainly there are other reasons like you prove.

      White women have options though – one night stands, sperm banks – not ideal, but the stigma and dependence of being in a relationship is gone – financially they can work for themselves or be paid for by the taxpayer, and of course men being men, they will capitalise on it by playing around e.g. white men who are “with” asian women, but knowing the power imbalance between them, also have white girlfriends. The chances of asian women sticking with a husband for cheating on them are increased if the cheater is white.

      So a female surplus nation is nowhere near as dangerous as a male surplus nation; the former can still have their own family (in fact many women prefer raising up their child themselves, not having another party interfere with their parenting methods).

      All this of course spells disaster – extinction – for asian men.

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  19. @Anonymous

    That’s exactly the dilemma asian American(or other western country) community facing.

    If the high interracial-marriage rate continues, without new asian immigration the asian race will soon be extinct in the west. The fact is that you rarely seen any 3rd(or beyond) generation asians in the west, majority of asian women rised in the west marry to non-asian men. Since asian women is the product of asian men and women, if asian men extinct, so does asian women.

    Introducing new asian immigration may keeps asian population size steady, but this leads to another issue : first generation immigration can’t blend into society, so asians will always be seen as “foreigners” “outsiders”.

    First generation immigration can’t blend into society ——> Their daughters try to get “social approval” by marry white men ——> No further generation asians(eurasians don’t identify themself as asian) ——> Start from new asian immigration agian….

    As you can see, asian Americans stuck in this vicious cycle.

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  20. There seems to be a lot of dating, or maybe mating would be a more accurate term, here in the Philippines. I see many foreign white males, or all ages, coming here as users, having their fling and then returning home. Sadly, parents here are often responsible for creating the access to their daughters, because the bottom line is often money.

    Traditionally, the culture here would expect the visitor to meet the family upon arrival and then have a chaperon accompany the visitor and their daughter. That seldom happens today. The foreign man lands at the airport, is met by the girl, they go to a resort hotel, spend a week together and the night before the man is to return home he treats the entire family to a nice dinner. During the dinner he will give the parents gifts; usually things they really do not need. I mean, a gold watch is nice, but if you are living hand to mouth…50 kg of rice and a case of Corned Beef would be more appropriate.

    The girl introduces the man to her family and friends as her BF. Sadly, he leaves and after a few months stops communicating with her. But he will return for another fling, because he knows he can. But the next time it will be in a different locale and with a different girl. Truly, poverty creates strange bedfellows. Those parents who permit this type of relationship to occur are as much responsible for creating the sex trade in Asia as the prostitution rings.

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