Interracial relationships have to face many problems: culture differences, sometimes racism and… their own families. I must say that Poland is still pretty conservative and I think non of the parents there would be prepared that one day their little baby girl will bring home a foreigner. Not to mention non-white one.
Pretty much is the same in Asia, because let’s face it, it’s much easier for an Asian girl to have ghost-man as a partner than seeing Asian man with a ghost-girl, so it can be pretty shocking for his family as well.
As much as you can ignore second aunt of mom’s outside cousin, you cannot really ignore your parents, in the end they gave you the gift of life (and often threatened to take it back). Some people can be shocked and happy, some other might not know what to say, some other people can be racist – how many people, that many reactions.
After few selfish ‘me, me, me, me, me’ posts we came back to ‘research posts’ and this week we want to share the list of parents reaction to foreign partners of their children – Polish girls bringing home Asian men and Asian men bringing ghost-girls.
EDIT: I noticed few people got confused – below you can read other people’s experience as an AMWF couples meeting each other’s families. After that (total of 10 most interesting memories in our opinion) you can read our take on this topic.
Polish ‘mama i tata’
Just to be sure everyone noticed – these people are not related to me neither my family and these are their quotes. I guess I need to work on my English haha 🙂
- “My mom was pretty OK with my boyfriend, but my dad kept making racist comments like ‘Does he eat cats/dogs?’ or ‘Is it true that their penises are small?’. It was disgusting to hear it at first place and even more disgusting to hear it from my own father. Luckily mom had a long talk with him and in the end he just gave up. I think he’s still not really OK with me and X. but at least he tries to act normal in front of him. Hopefully one day he can just accept my partner as a part of our family.”
- “It was like interrogation but in a good way: they were so opened and curious about him, his culture, everyday life. Asked millions of questions, they really tried to understand him, his lifestyle. Then when we were alone they tried to show me why it might/might not work out, in their opinion, but after all they wished us luck. The fact is we really broke up later, but it had nothing to do with my family.”
- “I’m lucky that my sisters cleared that path for me: the oldest one is married to black American man, the other one is engaged with Turkish so me bringing home Asian wasn’t anything that would shock them. Actually the only shocking information for them was that I’m actually having a serious relationship and someone actually would like to have me as a wife. Gotta love them.”
- “Honestly speaking my parents weren’t happy about my foreign husband but they knew it’s my life, my eventual mistakes and my decisions. I’m not 5 anymore to ask them for a permission and interfering my own business would just make us argue so they never bothered to make a comment. Now we’re married for 2 years, I can still see distance between the three of them but as long as we are happy I know they will be polite to him and take care of him, as he was their own child. What a weird family.”
- “I thought my parents were doing great – during the dinner they used me as a translator and asked him a lot of questions, smiled when I told them his answers, it went just perfect. Too bad when he left back to his hotel my parents changed their attitude. Kept saying how he won’t respect me, that they heard in China women are treated badly (Oops, someone haven’t seen my post about Princess Sickness – click here) and I will come back to them crying. Of course every single time he has seen my parents they were ‘the cool people’ again. They do the same thing until present, hoping that we will break up, but guess what? We are already married! Do I regret on not letting anyone in my family know? Not at all, I’m happy and I don’t need more drama, but I also don’t want to lose them.”
Asian men and their ghost-partners
- “Our place is not a TOP destination for a foreigner to come so bringing a foreigner and introducing her as ‘my girlfriend’ made my parents silent for few minutes, especially I haven’t even mentioned to them I’m seeing someone but by the end of the day they were only talking like ‘So when do you plan to marry her?’.”
- “In my family I’m a hero – I managed to have my own ghost girl and my cousins keep asking me for advice how to get one for themselves. My inside-grandma made a huge deal of it and now all floors of the building she lives in knows I’m dating a white girl. I don’t even want to think what will happen if we ever break up.”
- “I had only one foreign girlfriend and I don’t think I will ever have one again. I respect my parents more than anyone else, with my ex-girlfriend they could not talk to her, she couldn’t talk to them and she was far away from the image of ‘Chinese girl from 100 years ago’ they would wish for me. She didn’t want to hear about living with them, didn’t want to listen to their advice, didn’t take care of me as they would see it. Now I’m dating very conservative Chinese girl and my parents haven’t complained much about her.”
- “My ghost-girl was my first girlfriend in general and I think it’s not her skin or different culture she was raised in that made my mom dislike her. I think my mother would dislike any girl I bring home, I have always been her little treasure and thinking about giving me away to another woman, scares her. Of course non of the women in this world could make me as happy as she makes me – of course according to her. We broke up because even thought she didn’t understand a word my mom said she could feel she’s not welcomed. It was tough for me and I don’t think I will have a girlfriend soon. Probably a girl who could match me in my mother’s eyes is not even born yet.”
- “My parents reaction was literally no reaction. They treated her as anyone who comes to our house, I was proud that they didn’t ask weird questions or do things that are not really well seen in Western countries. But you should see my sister – she took millions of photos with her and let all her friends know who she might have as a sister-in-law. Whenever we go back to Taiwan to visit my relatives my little sister tells her friend to come over. Sometimes my bride to be complains she feels like she was an exhibit in a museum, even thought we’ve been together for few years it’s always a big deal.”
I must say my family was pretty cool about Sing, even my great-grandma (!) smiled to me and said ‘Oh, little child’. The only comment my parents made was ‘If someone told me before I will have a Hong Kong guy as a son in law I would laugh. I don’t mind that he’s not like us… but why he doesn’t like fishing?!’. My dad always knew the priorities.
On the other hand Sing’s family was prepared for him to marry a white girl. They knew he never dated an Asian girl, he lived in ‘white countries’ and since he was a little boy he made a stupid pose to the photos and brag how one day he will marry foreign girl. I think the only things they were not prepared is that I’m not Australian or American, but basically it didn’t really shock anyone. In the end, just like a girlfriend mentioned above, no matter what I would never be good enough to match Mr. Perfect-Son-And-King-of-Everything, so I just live with it.
What was or what would be your family’s reaction if you told them your partner is from completely different culture? Any advice for people who are doing it for the first time? Share your thoughts and memories! 🙂