地獄婚禮..也許 – disaster day.. is it?

Disaster that only George R. R. Martin could think of. You know what I mean – the wedding day. A lot of my readers asked me to IMG_2999write little bit about our wedding, but I had to wait until I will be ready. Almost two years after that I’m finally used to the thought of how bad it was. I mean we didn’t have any murder or poisoning which was nice but I’m pretty sure non of you will want to exchange with me.

Most of AMWF couples you can see online have beautiful weddings, sometimes more than one – Western and Eastern. We had only one and we made it so bad that actually we could make a guide how not to prepare your wedding ceremony.

I could complain about it for hours but I will put everything into a small list.

  •  Not enough time for preparation – we went to Tsim Sha Tsui marriage register on the day of my 21st birthday, the day I could legally get married in Hong Kong. I was stupid enough to believe my husband that you can make a nice, good wedding in less than 2 months. We had exactly 56 days to prepare everything. Don’t make that mistake.IMG_3077
  • The guest list – usually couples make two weddings for two families. In our case it would have to be three since my parents cannot fly due to my dad’s health condition, our Shanghainese part of the family wouldn’t go from Shanghai to Hong Kong and there was our Hong Kong part of the family. We ended up having a total of 15 (fifteen!) guest, where 3 of them were my husband’s father’s co-workers and a driver. Did I mention all of the people who attended to our wedding I’ve met only once, before the ceremony? Since there was literally no one from my side (not even my dear parents) I felt pretty lonely. Sing took the whole spot that night. At least even thought I didn’t know them well they were all really nice to me, especially Z&S. I really love how they were by my side all the time.
  • My bride’s maid gender – not only it was a guy, a dear friend of my husband but I met him two days before we got married. I cannot complain about him, if he was a girl he would be the best bride’s maid ever, but it was weird not to have a girl. I couldn’t ask Sing’s sister to be my bride’s maid because she didn’t want to, she was too scared.
  • The place – you cannot organize a wedding in Hong Kong for 15 people so we ended up having a meal. I wanted a restaurant but of course his Highness wanted to feel ‘special’ and once our friend mentioned a tram there was no way back. Yes, I had a wedding on a hundred year old tram. Maybe it would be more fun if the weather wasn’t super hot and there was no air conditioner. I also had a hope maybe we can get a big, red (lucky in Chinese culture) tram but we ended up having a smaller, green one.IMG_1671
  • The time of the ceremony – our ceremony was supposed to start at 16:30, we were earlier to prepare the documents and meet up with everyone but some couple before us forgot their IDs and they made us have our ceremony earlier, in rush and after that they kicked us out from the ceremony room. It destroyed the whole time table, because I told my husband that getting from TST to Happy Valley won’t take 2 hours, even if he had a building going down on the way. Now they made us wait even longer before our tram can go. Where did me and my guest spend our hour before catering and everything else could be picked up? In Cafe de Coral. Their name ‘Big family happy’ was not what I felt that moment. Imagine how embarrassing it was for me to sit there. How would you feel seeing a girl in a wedding dress and her guests waiting for catering service? And since we’re in wedding dress topic…
  • Don’t let your future husband pick up your dress – his perverted mind told him ‘a ghost girl in a Chinese wedding dress, yum’ and didn’t really care I hated the choice he made. It wasn’t so bad but it made me look so fat. What was the point of me being on diet when the dress gave me all the kilograms I lost. I wanted long, Chinese princess style, but I looked more like a potato.
  • Hair, nails and make-up. Once my MIL knew the price of it she told my husband’s sister to do it for me. I agree it’s kind a rip off when you need to pay 3-4 times more just because you add ‘wedding’ to the name and his sister is quite skilled in doing make-up but it made me feel like I’m not getting that special attention brides get.IMG_1656
  • Music – this one is my favorite and I like to tell it to every friend of us. Since we were on a tram we could not have a band or anything so my husband played music from his iPhone through big speakers. We had some fun with Beyond, Sam Hui when suddenly I heard *tudum tudum tudum* Yes, she’s a diva… My wedding song was ‘SEXY BITCH’ by David Guetta and Akon. Yes, you read it right. Damn, girl!
  • Photo shoot – it’s not common to have a pre-wedding photo shoot in Poland so after hours of talking we decided to ask his friend and one of our guests to make some photos during the ceremony and party. I need to say that was my mistake: I should know with my face and how photogenic I am I needed a professional and hours with Adobe Photoshop. Our photo album now is full of bad photos, weird faces and… cargo boat. Good that at least we still can make those fake post-pre-wedding photo shoots.
  • Cake –  since our wedding was tiny we couldn’t order those beautiful cakes because they were for like 50 people. We ordered a small, heart-shaped cake with our name and fruits. I didn’t like it from the beginning but Sing promised me he will ask them to make it chocolate, so at least I can enjoy it a bit more. Few days before the wedding we came to the bakery where we ordered the cake to confirm that it will be chocolate and they said it will be for sure. Guess who got a vanilla cream cake.
  • Classy silverware – we had some alcohol, non-alcohol beverages, catering from Cafe de Coral (to be fair the food they IMG_1617prepared was tasty) but we had to provide our own glasses, cups, silverware so we ended up with a plastic champagne glasses, cups and forks/knives we bought in our local TASTE. To make it even more funny while Sing was talking to people on the upper deck I was downstairs trying to build our toast-glass.
  • The night after the wedding – I must say that Sing made me a surprise and booked in secret a room in Nikko Hotel with a magical view of harbor. That’s a thing that makes me super happy and I’m really proud to show you the view I had when I first enter the room. Magical, isn’t it? Well, my luck wouldn’t be mine if it didn’t work. You think I could enjoy our special evening? To be honest, I could – thanks to terrible stomach ache I didn’t sleep for a whole night and ‘thanks’ to that I could spend that time with a magnificent view of Hong Kong by night.

IMG_3088Conclusion: don’t believe in ‘if your wedding is bad your marriage is bad’ – somehow even after all of this we made a pretty nice couple, and when you feel your ceremony is far from what you’ve ever imagined – think of me. 😉

Of course every girl wants her big day to be special, but if nothing goes well it’s not as bad as if the marriage itself was bad. I won’t lie that I wouldn’t want to get another ceremony, but we already moved on, we’re married for almost two years and after all ups and downs we made it. Maybe it’s not long enough to be called ‘impressive’ but every day together is giving me back all the sadness and regrets of the ceremony. That keeps me on going and makes me happy.

IMG_3089To be honest with you, while writing this post, I had my small catharsis. I even change the title of the post from ‘disaster day’ to the one you see now. All the time until now I thought my wedding was the worst. As a bride I felt little bit unfair seeing other people so happy, on their ‘perfect days’, but in the end – even thought it was faaaaar away from being perfect – it wasn’t that bad. We even a level 10 typhoon which hit Hong Kong few days later and that means God/s allowed us to be husband and wife.

At this point I also want to give my best wishes to my two dear friends, Polish girls getting married to Chinese men. Dear Aldona and Justyna, I hope everything will be perfect and that you will be happy as wives of two, charming men. Congratulations girls and I wish you everything the best.
And to all of you, love birds 🙂
IMG_3079

Has something like that ever happened to you or to the one you know? How was your own wedding? Share your memories – those good and bad ones 🙂
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35 thoughts on “地獄婚禮..也許 – disaster day.. is it?

  1. why did you go to TST and not the Queensway marriage register? it’s easier to get to Happy Valley. I can’t believed your guys ordered Cafe de Coral catering service. 😉 but the food photo looks quite good.
    I love the old tram, I took tram to go home after work, it brings back a lot my old memory in HK before 97. 😦

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    1. Sing thought this one was more convenient for some of his friends – there was one coming from Taiwan just for our wedding 🙂
      and the CdC catering was the closest one – they had a branch right in front haha 🙂 people claimed they liked the food but I was too busy building my glass to do that haha 🙂
      yes, the tram was pretty! too bad the red one was booked

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  2. Oh, my goodness! You don’t know how similar our weddings were! First of all, I’m SO jealous of your tram party. You won’t regret that It’s so Hong Kong! Okay, so I had to take this out of my book because of page limits, but we got married with very little time to plan our Hong Kong wedding with seven people in our party–total. Cai, me, our two witnesses, plus my two American friends and a woman one of them had met in a Wanchai bar the night before! We had no plans for ANYTHING except the wedding date and time. Cai thought he could just dash into a florist and buy me flowers. But it took so long that we almost missed our wedding time! Then after the ceremony (in the Shatin registry), my friends said they would take us out for dim sum. This was all so last minute, but was nice. After dim sum, Cai and I said goodbye to them and headed to TST, where we had no hotel reservations! We had left our passports back in our dorm room, but had our HK IDs. We started in Jordan and made our way down Nathan Road toward the harbour as six hotels rejected us because we didn’t have passports. Finally the old Miramar, which is now the Mira, let us stay there for a night. Even with all of this craziness, I look back and wouldn’t have changed a thing (except for maybe the guy!). Sometimes you just have to go with the flow in Hong Kong. It makes life more exciting and memorable!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I have to admit, our weddings (one in Taiwan and one in Canada) were really awesome, especially the church wedding and reception in Canada (it was an absolute ball – and not only for me but for the both of us)!! However, the ceremony at the court in Taiwan was a complete joke! (Watch my blog in June – I plan to write a post about it)

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  4. Having a big fancy event isn’t everything. Last time I went to a large wedding, the kind that looks ‘perfect’ on the outside, I knew for a fact that the bride and groom were so completely stressed out they didn’t enjoy it much at all. Big weddings aren’t truly for the couple, they are for everyone else. What really should matter is the husband and wife, that’s all.

    But only 21, do you feel that’s young?

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    1. maybe a bit, but my mom got married at the same age – I know times were different but with us it was also a little bit of formal pressure from government. we could either get married and now live together here or not get married, get my visa refused, Sing would be trapped on his OPT, cannot see each other for almost 2 years… it would lead to break up. Until now everything is good, so keep your fingers crossed for us that we won’t need to have any regrets in future :)!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my… I’m bit nervous about my Polish and Chinese weddings now 😄 But thank you very much for your wishes dear :*
    Well, actually I have already little experience with this topic as me and Yin had our marriage registration in Australia. I must say it was far from perfect as well haha We had like six guests, and one couple I met sth like 15 mins before registration. Registration itself last 10mins maybe. After that we had little photoshoot made by Yin’s friend in nearby park but… I looked horibble at that day. Got bad hair day which I decided to straighten and it was really bad idea, and unprofessional make up made by me, and on top of that the cheapest flowers which Yin bought me in supermarket – actually looked more like weeds xD’. But at least I liked my chinese dress ;D Although I must say your dress looks nice in first photo 🙂
    For diner (or rather lunch as it was pretty early – marriage at midday heh) we had peking duck in chinatown, it was ok, nothing spectacular tho. so yea, it definitely wasnt “most beautiful day of my life”.
    But it’s not the most important. Wedding is just one day and our life together is much longer and sth more than that 😉 All in all you and Sing are such a wonderful couple ❤ Wish you all the best and many many happy years together!

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  6. Your wedding was great!!! At least you will remember all the details for rest of your life. And it’s a cool story. My wedding wasn’t so memorable. Two drunk Brits were doing witness duty, another drunk Brit was taking photos (that’s why we don’t have any), it was on the beach, started to pour like crazy right in the middle of the ceremony, the bartender put on “Ironic” and all the random people nearby joined in the chorus and sang “like a-raaaaaaiiiiiiiin on your wedding day!”

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  7. *Assuming I do marry my HK boyfriend* My wedding will be worse due to lack of interest and effort! 😛 And trust me, if his family living in Hong Kong/China can’t be bothered to come over they’re not going to see a wedding (I think my boyfriend would rather they didn’t come anyway) I’ll have as few people as possible and spend as little as possible – except on the cake and the honeymoon. As long as you had fun, it sounds like you did, it doesn’t really matter in the long run! 🙂

    You should have got angry about that cake though, who’d want vanilla?!

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  8. We had three weddings, one before the state in Finland, one year later a celebration in a hotel in China and the third was a church wedding in Finland.
    The wedding in China was kind of special, we had 100 guests and I knew about 5 of them (my wifes family). It was pretty much just the basic Chinese wedding style, much food, much booze and everything over after 2 hours or so (some guest even stole several booze bottles…). My parents-in-law planned this one.

    The wedding in Finland in the church was much better, we planned that one for around one year and we had roughly 50guests plus band and photographer 🙂

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  9. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s quite common for women to dream of the perfect wedding since they were girls, and no matter how good your marriage is if the reality is disappointing it does stick in your mind.

    Nowadays it’s becoming more popular for married couples to renew their vows, especially for those who have been together for most their lives. I recommend that, a few years from now, when everyone is more settled and you two are more organised (let’s be fair, it was a bit of a mess), you can both take the time out to arrange the perfect dream wedding. Just don’t let Sing choose the dress or music (I’m surprised you didn’t slap him a bit for that choice of song!!!)

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    1. I would never slap him, especially since it was ‘random’ on iPhone, but it was so embarassing when whole HK Island could hear ‘sexy bitch’ haha 🙂
      maybe one day we will re-do it, maybe not (if I age badly!) but at least for now I sadly cannot do anything about it:)

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I think cross-cultural weddings are adventures. I got married three times (third one pending) to the same lovely woman. Once in Boston city hall, in front of the city clerk with a hilariously heavy Boston accent (which made us laugh when she was reading the vows). Once in her hometown in Xi’an, China in front of about 300 guests (which I mostly did not know). And the third one will be in Vancouver in front of my own family. Each style was very different and I can technically say I will have been married three times already.

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  11. Hello! I follow you on instagram as stacywahh. After reading your wedding shenanigans, I decided to share mine: My husband proposed in mid-February of last year and we got married in April so we also had two months. My story has a similar amount of crazy. My in-laws were coming from Taiwan to the US so they said we should just get married to make it official since they never visit. So we just went to the courthouse. My family lives five hours away and my parents are divorced so my mom’s family had to get a hotel room and my dad stayed with me. We settled on April 18th after my mother in law went to the fortune teller and two of the three dates she gave us were no bueno.

    I had my best friend from High School’s wedding the weekend before mine so I flew to Tennessee on Friday, gave my husband instructions to get our flowers (No roses, wanted orange and navy flowers). He pawned that job off to his sister, who got them as our wedding gift, so I ended up with peach roses and purple flowers. Flew back to Maryland Monday and then decided to book my hair/makeup appointments, haha.

    Day of, it rained in the AM. My makeup artist put super dark bronzer on my extremely pale face and I cried all of it off. My mother’s family was screaming at each other because no one was ready when we needed to leave.I got into my dress and felt like a fat blob. I was 30 minutes late for getting our pictures taken. We budgeted $400 for sushi for 18 people, ended up being $600. But in the end, I married my wonderful husband, our pictures turned out great, and apparently rain on your wedding is good luck.

    We plan on having a big traditional wedding in 1-2 years and I’ve learned that I will pick my own damn flowers well in advance and no one but my parents will be around to make me late. You live and learn.

    Your wedding seemed to be full of memorable moments, which if nothing else, is a good story to tell. Though I can’t see your faces, you look really good in the qipao!! Wish you both much more happiness in marriage 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh no 😦

    That’s so sad to hear. Man. Even 4 months after our wedding, I still have little flashback nightmares that something went terribly wrong with our wedding.

    I was never much into weddings – but even *I* turned into a bridezilla the weeks leading up. It was crazy. I felt so bad for my husband and family.

    Have y’all ever thought about doing another ceremony, like on your 5 year anniversary? Like a “renewal of the vows” or something – to do it “right” this time (with your dream dress, cake, venu, attendance, etc)

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  13. What a story! It really does sound like everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong on that day. I also didn’t like my hair on my wedding day. Before going to Austria for the wedding, my hairdresser cut it really short (I told him not to, but that was of no use). When I went to the hairdresser on my wedding day, I got an apprentice instead of the more experienced lady who I had the week before my wedding and who did a really nice job. The make-up was really visible and my hair-do looked like I was already 20 years older. The rest of the wedding was okay though, but I’m not into weddings that much and I never dreamed of the perfect wedding, so in the end I was just glad when the wedding and all the planning and stressing out over it was over. I’d love to see more of your Qipao, it looks nice in the picture.

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  14. My wedding was more of the fairy-tale wedding I had dreamed of since childhood. It was on a beautiful summer morning in July, at a big Victorian-looking church, I wore the dress of my dreams and there were lots of guests. By even the most perfect wedding has little things that go wrong – my ring bearer (2 years old) fell asleep and didn’t walk down the aisle and one of the groomsmen fainted (it was hot in July). Still, it was a beautiful day and week-long honeymoon at Niagara Falls, New York.
    My advice for other girls – NEVER LET YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE PICK OUT YOUR WEDDING DRESS! They have no sense of fashion 🙂

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  15. I love your blog! It is so easy to read, and slips along like silk. I do enjoy learning about other cultures, and am always taken aback by the similarities more than the differences! PS my husband is Polish 😉

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  16. Ha ha, I love it. Reminds me of my own wedding. The registry in Hong Kong was only attended by my father and my wife’s family. We went for a Beijing Duck lunch afterwards, in the afternoon I had to go back to China (I lived in Shenzhen back then). The ceremony was in Taipei since my wife’s father is Taiwanese and all her relatives live in Taiwan. Looking back, I should’ve done a second wedding in Europe. From my side, only 15 or so friends attended, from my wife’s side it was more than 100. But overall, it was a good time. And both, me and my wife had way too much to drink. And that’s important!

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  17. Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.
    I’m gonna watch out for brussels. I’ll be grateful if you continue this in future.
    A lot of people will be benefited from your writing.

    Cheers!

    Like

  18. The music part just killed me, and I thought that person who changed our song did a mistake…but..no..we were lucky if we compare..
    In our case:
    – They changed the colors of the decoration without telling us, too much white, mixed with purple, red and yellow
    – The person who did my hair that day had no idea whatsoever about managing wavy hair. She did a very simple up do that made me look like an old lady. Lots of hair spray that lead to me losing so much (not really, so much) hair.
    – Same problem with the make up, she just did a black line on my eye lashes, and applied plenty of white in my face
    – Someone changed the list of songs and included “Titanic” for the moment my husband was talking, he couldn’t stop crying.
    – The guy who gave the speech was T’s colleague from high school, he is a History teacher and does speeches in weddings as part time job. History means he loves to talk and talk. We met him to summarize and review the whole thing once more the day before the wedding. The day of the wedding he didn’t do anything as it was said, not even one point. Everyone was lost. He suddenly gave the microphone to my father who doesn’t speak any Chinese, or English, he took the flowers out of my hands so fast, i had them for 3 mins and didn’t see then anymore in the whole wedding, in the video you can see he is checking his hand (he wrote on it) our names and some things he forgets, he is reading from it. He changed the whole thing. He did such a big mess..
    – The same guy suddently took 4 chairs out and put them in the middle for the tea ceremony (he was told not to do that, floor as we had that arranged and my dad came all alone). He organized an empty chair next to my dad and gave me the mic and said: “Your mom couldn’t come but I’m sure you can explain how she is and she would be feeling, show some love to my mom ” ( I struggled as my mind was just saying…”My mom left us when I was very young, she exists, she is separated from my dad but she has no interest on me since I was very young. She locked me at home without any food, took all the money, let her boyfriend hit me,… She appeared when I was 15 to make my life impossible and ….etc…etc…” I just said ” I am very glad my dad is here, I wish my relatives where here and I do love the support of all my relatives in China, thanks”). He then said again “You forgot about yout mom”, I just said ” My mom is here, you see?” (pointing my mom in law). Everyone laughed.
    – The videographer focused so much in the decoration and the cars that a friend borrowed to us that forgot to include the part of the wedding where the little kids have so much fun, do some act and send us some kisses and messages.
    – The music was so loud I couldn’t hear the questions, or anything people were saying
    – 130 people appeared in that wedding, either of us knew most part of them I mean…100 out of those 130 were new people for us.

    After we finished we were sweating of all the work and things that the speech guy made us do. My MIL and cousin in law (they were there the day before when we talked to that guy) went to him and told him: You really did it all wrong, causing lots of confussion. People were thinking they didn’t even knew about their wedding when it was all about you doing those changes less than 24h before the day…
    etc…etc…

    But even though all this happened I have good memories…I remember I was exhausted….I was dreaming about sleeping in a very comfy bed and had plenty of fun in the KTV!

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  19. Wow that doesn’t even sound real! It was like I was reading a fictional story. I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you wanted but glad your marriage is great!^_^

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  20. It’s all what you make of it, isn’t it? My wife and I had been planning for something like 9 months, and had a beautiful beach wedding on the perfect white sands of Pensacola under the Pensacola lighthouse “in the bag.” Guess what? Rain on our wedding day! And not like, “Oh look, it’s raining….” Thunder, lightning, and the whole god’s wrath thing!

    We moved inside (which we really didn’t have a *great* contingency plan for), but in the end, it has made the day that much more memorable.

    Or, at least that’s what people who’ve had their wedding day rained-out say to make themselves feel better!!

    Cheers & Congrats!

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  21. Here in Indonesia, if the bride and groom are from different ethnic backgrounds, they usually go through both traditions, which is time and money consuming… or they just “go western”, meaning: they register themselves in the civil affair office (I do not know how to translate it correctly).

    As most of my friends agree, it is much easier if both the bride and groom are Christians. Church wedding for the local Chinese folks means not having to do all the rites and traditions. It is cheaper, faster and less energy consuming.

    I wonder if most couple – Chinese or interracial – in HK still do all the old wedding rites.

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