When I was young I dreamed about being a movie star, I think every girl at some point of her life had that kind of dream. Of course with my bad acting skills and my bad presence I could possibly end up only as an ape in ‘Planet of the apes‘. But if I think about it my life is already little bit like a TV show.
Thankfully, I can say it surely wouldn’t be ‘Game of thrones‘ – it’s cool to watch it on the TV screen, but I would prefer to be more… alive than most of my favorite characters. Plus I think only Sing could be the happy one about seeing so many boobs (with average 5.6 boobs per episode).
If it’s not super-awesome ‘Game of thrones’ then with what TV show I would describe our life? It’s surely not only one! Let me explain my choice.
The Walking Dead
Pretty obvious why: it has the first popular AMWF couple in a TV show, they play main characters and everyone loves them! I never heard anyone saying ‘That Asian dude shouldn’t get that hot chick’. And we’re an AMWF couple as well. You think that’s the only similarity? We have a REAL-LIFE walker. It’s not a typical walker, it’s more furry but in the presence of both you cannot show you’re alive. If you do that you will drag the attention and furry-walker will come, bury her face under the blanket and make a lot of noise wanting some brains. Blue buffalo or dental snacks are fine too. But if you think Sing will be as brave as Glenn, you never been so wrong. He even told me ‘If there’s a real zombie apocalypse, don’t worry – I will shoot you, then I kill myself‘. He doesn’t even believe we have a slightly chance to make it. Brave and romantic.
If you have never seen an episode just type ‘Maury’ on YouTube. Basically it’s an American talk-show where the main part is focused on a lie detector results and paternity tests. Luckily, we don’t need to deal with the second one but somehow my husband lies in everyday life about tinny little things – he knows I know he’s lying, he won’t lie about a big things but somehow he’s sometimes scared to tell me the truth, even thought we both know that he’s not telling the truth, EVERYONE can see it’s not true but he will still claim he did/didn’t do it. Biscuit is the same. Like father, like daughter. And I’m a walking lie detector.
‘Sing, you said you called but the fact there’s no appointment for us determined that was a lie’.
‘Biscuit, you claim you didn’t stick your face into my bowl, but the sour cream stain on your mouth determined that was a lie’
‘Sing, you said you didn’t drink my Vitasoy Lemon Tea, but the fact the fridge is empty and there’s only a foil covering the 6-pack you were too lazy to throw away, determined that was a lie’.
‘Biscuit, you meow that you’re hungry but the fact your belly is full and your bowl is empty determined that was a lie’.
I swear to you, dear Readers, next time one of them farts I will look at the culprit and say ‘You are the father’.
That’s one of my favorite shows when I was a child, it was also a hit in America. Now little bit of my background to understand the story better: my dad is what we like to call in my country ‘The Golden Hand’ – a real handyman, he can fix everything in the house, he remodeled our bathroom all by himself and it looks better than any professionals could do. I thought I would marry a guy like him, but I married the main character of ‘Home improvement’. In the show, Tim ‘The Tool Man’ Taylor is known by his incredibly wide knowledge of tools, electronics and general mechanics. In reality, he is highly accident-prone. He actually does have a significant amount of skill as a general handyman, but can be overly confident and prone to spectacular mishaps. He often forgets a crucial step, ignores instructions, makes ill-advised modifications, or comes to inaccurate conclusions. This is what describes my husband more than anything else. He has a huge knowledge, but somehow in the end he make so-so working things not working things. Last two of his great works were:
1. Fixing the doors of our freezer – he wanted to change the way they open, but in the meantime he just flipped the whole fridge to another corner. Now the doors of the freezer are not keeping the food cool enough and I have a bunch of ice inside.
2. He got a password to the router, to reset it if needed. Of course he thought it would be great if he upgrades it. He upgrade it so well it stopped working for few hours until our landlord called the company. To make it even more funny he later said ‘Now I know how to fix the Internet connection problem we had back in Poland’. After my dead body once you kill me in case of zombie apocalypse, sweetie.
Dragon Ball Z
Now you’re probably like ‘Oh, c’mon. Zombies are fine but Monkey-boy-alien with a super strength?’. Let’s look on it from the other angle – Dragon Ball was based on Chinese story ‘Journey to the West’. My husband is Chinese and he made his journey to the West going to America and finding Western wife. Check. Always super hungry with elastic stomach? Check. Scared of his wife? Just let me get on my period. If you cut out fighting, androids (although he’s now using an Android phone – coincidence? I don’t think so) and monsters it can fit the description of us. To make it even more funny and to prove you that Sing is actually real-life Son Goku I will tell you the story of how my mom noticed that fact.
When my husband was about to meet my parents for the first time I had to prepare them for that. I told them his name, what he’s doing and made a boyfriend application with 3 photos connected with an interview for my dad’s sake. My mom had some troubles with remembering his name (how ‘Sing’ can be difficult?) and by accident my mom called him… Songo – it was a name for Son Goku made up by French people who dubbed Dragon Ball and later that French version of DB was bought by Polish TV station. Since that day he’s my not-so-super-saiyan.
Married with children
That list wouldn’t be complete if I haven’t mentioned the greatest comedy-show that America ever gave us. When I was a child I thought Al Bundy is a grumpy, old man that is a complete looser in his life. Now when I grow up, I introduced it to Sing and we re-watch it together I see that he’s actually pretty lucky. He has a wife, maybe their relationship is not perfect, but you can still see the weird-type of love between them. He has two children, one of them is even pretty smart. He owns a pretty big house in a Chicago and it’s all from a shoe salesman salary. He has neighbors who are their friends and who they can count on. And this is our life right now – maybe it’s far away from a dream life we wanted, but we have roof above our heads, we have each other, we have friends we can count on and it could always be worse. Not to mention we’re pretty much like Al and Peggy, only I’m Al and he’s Peggy. Especially when I’m not in the mood, mad about something. Sing even started to talk like Peg! Recently he was like ‘Do you want to go upstairs?’ – if you don’t get it you should watch the show! 🙂
I hope you will still follow up on our Maury Married With The Walking Improvement Z 😉
What TV show could describe your life? Share your creative ideas! 🙂