一起生活是一種學習 – lessons from living together

I don’t know if you have noticed but few days ago I posted on MHKH Facebook page pictures of our small celebration of my first year in the USA. I wish I could do it because of my first year in Hong Kong but I could eat a strawberry tiramisu so I got that going for me, which is nice.
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One year in America means also one year of living together, finally like husband and wife should. From long distance relationship with short periods of living together we went to 365 days of seeing each other. A lot of people say ‘How could you do that?’, ‘How can you be married not living with someone for real?’ or ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’. It’s funny because I would say the same thing to someone else, but since I am who I am I thought since we’re such a good match together, what living together could change? My parents didn’t living together until few months after the wedding, same with my husband’s parents. Maybe today is just a different reality but I believe there’s no pair of socks on the floor that cannot be overcome.

DSC_0923Of course I cannot disagree with the statement that you get to know your partner better by living with him/her, you cannot put your best face, sooner or later true you will show up. We were lucky to not be too shocked about who we really are, my husband already had seen my worst, moody behavior before and living with his mom for few months showed me a child he has inside. That doesn’t mean we haven’t learn anything new about each other living under one roof.

We made a list of things that we didn’t know about each other or tried to deny their existence, but now there’s no way we can do that. It’s our tiny personal list, you might disagree with the statements we made, it’s totally subjective but gave us a lot of joy thinking about all the tiny everyday things.

My thoughts 

  1. He will be the worst father ever. At least for next few years. He has some kind of extra sense that makes him ignore every2013-11-02 21.45.46 sound that our cat is making – Biscuit meows constantly for half an hour and he later tells me he haven’t heard a thing. When she’s meowing during the day he puts hair into another room and say ‘You go to jail, bad boy’. I cannot imagine I give a birth to a baby and he ignores crying or puts a baby to a jail-crib.
  2. For a really bad father he’s a great uncle. He’s an ‘uncle’ to our landlord’s son and I must say they have a lot of fun, baby boy loves him a lot and it just melts my heart when Sing plays with him. Maybe they get along because he’s still little bit a child.
  3. Not a little bit of a child. Big baby. I knew his mom spoiled him, let’s face it – no matter how tough Chinese mom is in the end she will spoil her little boy, but whenever we visit my MIL or she visits us I need to remind Sing he’s almost 28, not 12. Good now she needs a visa (I’m awful, I know).
  4. Since we’re in ‘in-laws’ topic I will quote a song by Celine Dion ‘Near far wherever you are’… your in laws will be there too. I didn’t expect our MIL will have such an impact on our married life – my parents are cool, they say we’re adults, we got married and it’s only our business. It’s really true what they say – marry a Chinese, you marry the whole family.
  5. Sing has bigger balls than I expected – no, not THAT you pervs. In my eyes he used to be a little mommy’s boy which I accepted, it’s his mom in the end and I prefer a guy who takes care of her mom than ignore her. There was period of time my in-laws were too into our business and it made me annoyed, but I tried to hold on. I didn’t want to put my husband in awkward situation or do those stupid ‘me or them’ and one day, he on his own, stood up and told them to give us more freedom. This is something I did not expect he will do.1ff387ed328c9eaceeceac67725a61e97eae51ee7ad3923ac95e502e9bec3a67
  6. 天才與白痴 – genius in engineering, retard in life. His knowledge is great, it’s really much more sexy than bunch of muscles. He can fix everything, he knows a lot about history, math, chemistry, physics etc., but leave him on his own for a while and he will collapse. I wonder how he survived in America all those years. I asked him to do the treasure haunting in the litter box, I moved it to another corner in the bathroom and he asked me ‘How should I run with all the poop to the garbage bin’ – he didn’t think it was much easier to just take the bin with him next to the litter box.
  7. Hide your snacks. I don’t know why but every single time I have my snack they disappear. Even if I share with him he will eat the last piece or take the last sip and whenever I ask why he didn’t ask me he replies with ‘I don’t know’. Last week I lost whole bag of Cheetos – Sing claimed it wasn’t him but the orange powder on his hands determined that was a lie.
  8. He’s a terrible liar so I can trust he won’t do anything against me, since he wouldn’t be able to lie about it. Although still he tries to lie to me in stupid cases like ‘I called’ when I know he didn’t. Later he smiles and kisses me. How can I be made about it? 🙂

Sing’s thoughts

  1. Dr. Lina and Mrs. Period – when I thought it cannot be worse… it was. Days of complains, crying, laughing, hunger and mood changing. How someone so sweet become so bitchy/depressed and then moment later cry for being bad to me.2014-01-26 16.58.28
  2. For every male action there’s female overreaction. Try eating soup with fork, because you don’t want your girl to wash more dishes, and see how war begins. Don’t try it during the ‘sensitive days’ or you might end up single/homeless.
  3. If your partner says ‘Babe’ long enough, looking you in the eyes you will break so just don’t lie.
  4. Small surprises can change a lot. Never really cared about it but the joy you can see in partner’s eyes is priceless. Also food she makes tastes better.
  5. Even if I don’t celebrate birthdays or other holidays as long as they’re important for her I should do what I have to do. Multicultural relationships, no – any relationship, should be a mix of you and me and a person should not give up everything he/she is.
  6. Revenge is a part of daily routine. Her word is always the last one, her action is the ending action. I ate few Cheetos and the next day all my jelly beans in the tastiest color disappeared. I tickle her for a second, she will torture me for a minute.
  7. Having a girl that plays video games is not as fun as they say. Forget girl eating a controller, my wife stabs my Lego character because she’s upset my character collected more money. Should I be afraid?
  8. Hugging while sleeping exists only in the movies. There’s her side of the bed, cat’s side of the bed and a little bit of space for me not to fall down.

2013-12-31 20.09.15

Our conclusion after all? If you both really want you can make things work out or get used to other. There are good and bad sides in everyone, but most of those things can be solved with love, patience and understanding.
And remember – don’t eat your partner’s snacks.
Never.
No excuses.

What are your lessons from living with your significant other? Share your stories, memories and opinions! I love to read them! 🙂
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22 thoughts on “一起生活是一種學習 – lessons from living together

  1. I agree, hugging while sleeping is just cool in the movies. I can’t sleep with a super heavy arm on me and someone breathing in my ear! I need my own space! However, crossing the frontier of my own space with a frozen feet and touching his warm body is totally ok 😀

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  2. Thank you for the best giggle all week! After 15 years, my boyfriend still surprises me. He does most of the cooking being a yacht chef who works summers with winters off, so we get to spend time together (previously, we only saw each other 6 weeks spread throughout the year) He says the kitchen is his room, but still asks me if we’ve got X or Y in the cupboard?!

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  3. OMG Love it! Especially that Sing says “Hugging while sleeping exists only in the movies.”, seems like every guy looooves to cuddle when sleeping. NOPE, I need my own space too!! Haha toooo stuffy when someone is constantly squeezing you. Before sleeping, sure its nice, but then BACK OFF haha

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      1. haha yeeeeeeees cold feet on his back is lovely!!!!! i can’t even see his face when trying to fall asleep usually. my standard sentence “I have to turn around. Good night, I love you” haha 😀

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  4. 1+2 are the same…. not being able to care for a cat isn’t the same as not being able to care for a child. Sounds to me like Sing is very capable around children, re: 2)

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    1. maybe you’re right but I still thinks he will be a bad father for now – he is still under influence of my MIL that brainwashes him with ‘you just have fun, make a BB (also the fun part haha), me and Lina takes care of it, you just play’ – and it’s been like that for years, since he got in his 20s! so there was a point he really believed in it, now I make sure he doesn’t although my MIL still whatsapps him with this haha 🙂 so our landlord’s son is the fun, once he gets grumpy it’s a responsibility and… Sing magically disappears haha 🙂 any fun – he’s there, give him some responsibility and it looks like I’m single again haha 🙂

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  5. When I was learning English many, many, many years ago, my teacher told me that father and mother are internal family members while in-laws are “external” ones.
    (She made a family tree diagram on the blackboard, you know the one which shows you the uncle, aunt, cousin, etc)
    I immediately thought : If she had a Chinese husband… She’d never say that!
    LOL!!!
    😀

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  6. “Hugging while sleeping exists only in the movies.” hhahah, we’ve had this conversation before 😛 It’s good that he also is so aware of it though lol 😛 I love my own space 😀

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  7. Back in the beginning of my dating time with my wife we moved in pretty quickly after I got myself an apartment. Not that it was any fancy place but it was on a convinient spot on her way to work so it helped her decision making process to move in with me 🙂
    After that it took another two years till we got married and this is now also soon two years back now

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  8. Yes, you really get to know a person when you live with them. These insights were funny. I could relate to quite a few. What I’ve learned about my husband is that if he says he has a million things to do and I offer to go grocery shopping for him (he’s the better shopper), he’ll always say, “okay,” but it’s his favorite chore so he changes his mind and goes. I pull this trick at least once a month.

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  9. My husband and I lived together for a few months before we got married but we still have cultural issues and mini arguments. It really doesn’t matter exactly when you start living together, before or after you get married, you will always have issues to work out and compromises to make.

    I currently live with my in-laws in Nanjing. Since I’m the only American I’m the minority and really have no say in much of anything except what I get to eat. My in-laws are great, but the one thing that that drives me nuts it that my mother in law won’t let my husband, Hanyang, or I do any chores. We are apparently still guests…although we have been living here for almost a year. When my husband and I start living on our own again I will have to re-train my husband to do his chores! haha ugh! Mother-in-laws can really be a pain sometimes! 😛

    PS. Your husband’s number 8 is wonderful and SO TRUE! We have a cat too and my husband is always being squeezed into the corner so my cat and I can sleep in peace! 😛

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