Winter time in Northern California is not what I expected – one day it’s extremely warm and I can go out wearing no-sleeve shirt, then the very next day the temperatures are so low that we have only 12C inside our flat. In Poland it might be -25C outside but you come back to a nice, heated room later you take a hot bath in your hot bathroom… In the end I got sick.
Not really sick – I just wake up with a runny nose every single morning but besides that I’m 99.9% OK. Of course not to my husband. Whatever hurts me – it has to be a cancer or other disease. He even told me that since the time we started to date he actually thinks of me dying one day so he ‘can be prepared’ – same goes for our cat. Now you can judge who of us is more weird – him for saying that or me by my comment ‘Why do you assume I die before you? Everyday I’m still 5 years younger than you’.
Now you know how any sickness in our house looks like and it really bothered me WHY he behaves like that? Why his whole family is just obsessed by health, eating habits etc. I understand love and so on, but often it gets ridiculous. For me he and his mom are still quite easy-going but I don’t even want to imagine what will happen once I get pregnant. Already Ruth from China elevator stories (congratulations once again!) has to deal with all the believes about health – for example even thought being intimate during pregnancy is proven to be fine if there’s no other medical medical condition I read while preparing the article that it is forbidden because not only a man can ‘deform’ a child but also (that’s just my favourite) CHILD WILL REMEMBER IT. I cannot remember my lunch from last week, how on Earth I could remember this? Of course forget about brushing your hair and cleaning your teeth after delivering a baby – why? No one knows, but that’s the way it is.
I tried to find the answer why that kind of strange believes are still in Chinese culture – probably it has to be tradition, because ‘mom said it so it has to be true’ and some of those old Chinese medical rules can actually cure you. Don’t get me wrong – my country used to believe that tiny bugs with a black head are destroying your teeth. I really hope no one still thinks it’s true. And no matter what no one can deny how much old Chinese medicine influenced today’s world.
I want to share with you my favourite things I’ve read or heard from our family members. Don’t be shocked that most of that is connected to food or eating – food is important for Chinese people, at least most of them, and having a Cantonese man by my side makes food and cooking even more serious
- Chinese people, especially older generation, really care about the body type and they match their diet to balance hot and cold, wet and dry. When I started to cook for my husband he didn’t say a word but once we got married he used to stand behind my back and making comments like ‘This veggie is cold, add some ginger – it’s hot’ or ‘Babe, I cannot eat tropical fruits – I’m hot and they are hot too’. After weeks of taking care of it and balancing his meals he doesn’t know that fried napa with a soy sauce has no ginger inside. His life was a lie but he is alive and somehow didn’t have any stomach problems. Is it true? Maybe, but for me as a main cook (only cook) it’s a pain in the ass.
- Cold water is bad for you. Not even water – any cold dish is not healthy. Food should have at least room temperature (good luck with Hong Kong having 4C outside). Cold water on a period even thought it’s 40C outside? My husband and his mother had a fight in a restaurant about it – according to her I will not only damage my stomach but also I will damage my uterus and in the end cannot give my husband a Prince Perfect Jr. but I still take a risk. That is something I cannot get used to – summer, winter, I don’t care I love ice in my drink.
I thought maybe it’s just my family but once our landlord’s wife saw me giving my cat food taken out from a fridge and asked me seriously do I want my cat to have a cancer. She told me back in China her 3 dogs NEVER ate a cold meal. Always same, warm meat as them. Biscuit fat belly doesn’t seem to complain about the food temperature.
- Cold is bad but hot is bad as well. Perfect soup temperature is 60C – over that you will, again, damage your stomach. 60C is the most nutritious time for soup.
- If your stomach is already destroyed you can start to think how to damage your kidneys. You don’t know how? Don’t worry, here’s the answer: to make your kidneys bad you should… eat a cold watermelon from the fridge before you sleep. Watermelon is cold and wet = KO, warm body.
- That lovely charming man in the first photo claims that if you let a small snake go though your mouth and nose you will get rid of a runny nose. I’m afraid since Sing now knows how to cure my terminal disease I might wake up with my nose stuffed… with a snake.
- Once the snake is dead you can use it’s raw gut, cook it and have a very precious Chinese medicine ingredient. For what? I have no idea. Why? According to my husband there was one guy who wrote a really big book about medicine and he said so. I say chocolate and pizza can make you lose weight. Now I only need to wait until you start to believe in it, get fat and let me be the slimmest person around without a constant diet. Great, evil plan.
- Have problems with getting an erection? Forget about blue pills. Also forget about hot food and food made from cold ingredients. You think there’s nothing you can eat? Of course you can – eat animal penises. If you eat a pig’s penis it will also help your kidneys damaged by that bastard, watermelon.
- 以形補形 – since we`re in a topic of ‘exchanging’. If you have a problem with an organ… eat the organ! If you have problems with your ovary eat an avocado – it will increase your female hormones, cut tomato and it will fix your heart. Cannot see properly? Eat a fish eye, but don’t throw the fish away – use it’s gut to cure your blood pressure and breathing problems but it works only if you swallow a raw gut. Your bones hurt? Pork bone soup will be perfect. You wish to have bigger boobs? Drink milk… At this point I just can’t resist a comment – if it’s true then think about all those poor pornstars spending thousands on fake boobs… I seriously published that?
- If you don’t really want to eat a soup made out of penises you can try a tea I found yesterday in a shop… HORNY GOAT WEED. I think the name doesn’t need a further comment.
Do you know any other interesting believes? Or maybe you can answer where did those one came from? Does people in your country still use traditional, but little bit crazy medicine? Share your stories! 🙂