Continuing our last topic ‘為何要分手？Why would you break up?‘ this time I want to share with you Sing and I managed to survive our long distance relationship, what gave us power to keep on going as well as we will share advice that Chinese men give each other to handle burden of LDR.
On many sites you can find articles about keeping your relationship alive or why you shouldn’t get involved in that kind of situations. Many of those comments are universal for any race, any distance, any sex. And to be honest with you, most of the guys writing on Chinese forums, say things you’ve probably heard before:
- If you cannot handle being lonely or you’re not patient enough don’t even start – it won’t work out.
- Money are as important as effort and energy you put into the relationship. Airplane ticket won’t pay itself.
- Don’t care what other people say – they are usually negative and can make you start having doubts.
- You’re lucky to live in this modern world – make a use of it, install all kinds of communicators. Whatsapp, WeChat, Skype are your new best friends.
- Think about advantages of LDR like avoiding fights or having more time for yourself. Actually Sing made a comment about this: I love you but I miss the time I could spend with my newspaper. Gee, thanks.
- Have same goal and spend time trying to reach it instead of spending your free time thinking too much.
- Don’t control, your communication should not come from suspicions but from wanting to spend time together. It’s also harder to hold up a partner if you keep pushing him or her away with your doubts.
- Doubt is your enemy.
Doesn’t it sound familiar? Another proof that in the end love has no skin color or ethnicity. You can read as much as possible but it is life that verifies your knowledge.
For me it was really tough: when we met I was very young, I had practically no experience with such a long distance relationship. I was in Poland, he studied in America. How could this work? I had so many doubts, even at the time we were ‘officially’ together. It wasn’t about the trust – I think if he flirted with other girls the same way as with me… he would be probably still single. During the talking time I always turned my camera on so he could be included in my everyday life like cooking or cleaning, baking. We made videos or photos of things we did outside. Places we’ve been to. The best I could do is study and do my stuff until he wakes up then go to sleep as late as possible. There was a point I went to sleep at 4AM when I had to wake up at 7AM. I literally got sick from LDR. Inexperienced young girl who wanted to be a grown up. I motivated myself everyday with ‘chicken rib’ – cannot satisfy me from being so far away but don’t want to give up after all the things we’ve been through. We didn’t have any crisis, but one day in Hong Kong we’ve decided – either we’re getting married or we cannot continue it this way. Don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t us who couldn’t stand this. It was immigration, it was all our past: school we’ve chosen, countries we’ve chosen. If we didn’t get married I might be rejected to get a B2 visa to the USA. I cannot come then he must visit me or we don’t see each other for next ~29 months. But since his graduation time was coming and he was about to start his OPT after it he could be rejected to re-enter the country. That means he not only cannot finish his OPT but also literally everything he owned would be left in California. And I think that decision made me keep on going until the wedding day. All the good and bad memories, all the effort, a goal we had and a thought that if I don’t take this step I will regret letting Sing go. Today I’m happy with what we did. We can live together, be together like a normal couple. Sometimes when we drive a car (OK, he drives. I do KARAOKE) I look around and wonder if it’s true or we’re still in LDR and I’m just dreaming about this moment of very average married life.
For Sing it was slightly different. No, not slightly. Actually I’m embarrassed to write how he answered ‘How did you motivate yourself to make it?’. I present you The Most Cold-Hearted and The Least Romantic Guy ever and his ‘great thought’:
You know I had an experience from my past. You can actually write that I’m used to it. I’ve always been a kinda lonely guy – hanging out with just few friends, not into dating as well. I had to entertain myself to keep my mind away from thinking too much. Thinking leads to doubts and all kind of scenarios – what if… what if… what if…? Once I read about a guy who saw his wife on Skype with another man – I think if I had too much free time I would imagine my girl with some other dude, then think what if that’s true etc. There’s nothing good in this.
I fell too into you and that’s why I just couldn’t give up. I thought that we might break up – you’re 5 years younger than me, why would you keep yourself from someone who could be close to you. But I preferred regret later breaking up rather than not trying at all. I also had fun with my newspapers, video games and friends to keep my mind away. Honestly speaking I sometimes even sad while for talking to you – my Internet was too slow to handle you and Battlefield at the same time…
Cold-hearted and a psychopath. Good choice, Lina. So that’s how we made it all going. Maybe the way to survive weren’t the same but what we had in common was mostly our goal to be together and eat every meat from that chicken.
At the end with Valentine’s Day around the corner I want to share you my TOP5 most romantic things Chinese men did with their LDR partners to celebrate special days or just to feel like being together.
- Made a wooden stamp with her face. Cute but kinda creepy to put your face on an envelope.
- Made a picture of a sunrise and sent it during the night so when she woke up she could see the same thing as he.
- Bought a surprise ticket to visit her.
- Every week send a love letter. Yes, it was my cold hearted psycho bastard to do that. (;
My absolute favourite one: Been in Russia, girl was in China. Bought a cake, took a photo and send it to a bakery in her city to make exactly the same one and bring it to her on her birthday. Later they lighted the candles on each of the cake and blow them. Cake and cheesy, romantic gestures… How can’t you love it? I think it’s a great idea and if your girlfriend doesn’t read my blog I tell you: DO IT, DO IT NOW! 🙂
Do you know any advice that worked for you and could help others? Or maybe you want to share a whole story of your LDR, how did you manage to be together, how did you spend the time like birthdays etc.? I really, really want to read it! 🙂