好妻子 – perfect Chinese and Polish wives

Few days ago on SpeakingOfChina facebook page posted a link to a book by Susan Blumberg-Kason: Good Chinese Wife: A Cross-Cultural Memoir. image (4)I started to wonder what is a ‘good wife’ in Chinese men’s eyes and how ‘perfect woman’ is seen in the eyes of ‘my people’. Do I qualify as a good wife? How similar and how different guys raised in two different cultures can be?
We did some research, checked questionnaires and summed it with a picture of a good partner!

What’s the most important for Chinese men?

  • She needs to take care of my parents
  • Very elegant, virtuous, modest
  • Comes from a good family
  • Has a temper
  • Can think of her own, has her own taste and thoughts – can make up her mind what she wants to eat or when she wants to go, doesn’t say ‘I can eat whatever’ and then reject all your propositions
  • Classy, stylish, knows how to behave
  • Knows what’s important in life – at this point I asked my husband ‘Important to who? Her or him?’ and he just smiled to me and said ‘As a Chinese man myself I will be honest with you: for him. It doesn’t need to be true, we’re talking about perfect, probably imaginary, girl’
  • Won’t make me lose my face – I don’t mind if she yells at me at home, but she should consider my face in public.
  • Trusting, will give me my own space
  • Has a stable income but lower than my own – again I asked my husband ‘Why? She doesn’t need to ask you to pay all the time, that’s good, isn’t it?’ and he smiled once again replying ‘We like to feel girl can depend on us. When she has her money  she’s more likely to leave as well. As long as she depends on you there’s always a way to make her stay’. I think I married some kind of a psychopath. idealna-zona-gif (1)
  • Very flexible about her lifestyle – she can go to a fancy restaurant but also go to the woods with me, not afraid to get dirty
  • Reject trashy life – another beautiful quote of my husband ‘You know, extremely drunk, totally high… Just think about early image of Ke$ha’
  • Bit childish, naive but not behaving like 5 year old who cannot get her toy
  • Like reading, but books not magazines. Listens to good music, not some bad pop.
    And who the hell are you to judge someone’s taste? No wonder some people stay single…
  • Not a dead fish in bed
  • Romantic
  • Cannot be ugly, but also cannot be too pretty. Her face should be more I see it more beautiful it seems
  • Virgin

My husband wanted to add few things from himself:

  • Faithful
  • Not too close to other guys
  • Doesn’t dress ‘too open’ – that’s a real life example: I got myself beautiful shirt with lace at the back, cannot really see much beside a tiny piece of bra. And here comes my husbands logic ‘You look cute, but I don’t want others to think you’re looking cute. And there’s a bra. Bra means boobs. Guys will think about your boobs!’ but apparently he couldn’t respond to my argument ‘So either you’re a pervert who thinks about other girls’ boobs when you see a piece of bra coming out or no one really thinks that way. Either way – your argument is invalid. To be clear: I still haven’t wear it, at all. 
  • Cheap – doesn’t spend much on unnecessary stuff. I don’t mind spending money on a girl, you know it, but why spend money on something you don’t need. Said a  guy who bought himself a pair of slipper and they still have a price tag on them.
  • Knows how to cook, do the housework
  • Is willing to take care of me. My 27 year old BB. ?????

What Polish men find as a part of so called ‘perfect women’?

  • 27% of guys wants a girl who wants a child
  • 15% claim they want a virgin
  • 11% would prefer a blond wife
  • 10% want their wife to be around the same age as them
  • 7% think they should earn as much as them,
    know how to cook
    be short!
  • 4% want a girl who is self-confident
    has big boobs (why am I not surprised?)
  • 3/4 of asked guys like when a girl asks them out on a date
    start flirting
  • 63% like when girls don’t wear underwear (wait, what?)
    managing home’s budget
  • 59% don’t like when a girl suggest having a romance
  • 66% don’t like it when girl wants to pay in the restaurant
  • 83% don’t like when a girl… is a feminist!
    don’t like it when a girl goes alone for holidays/trips
  • 86% don’t like when a girl swears

Additionally: 59% of Polish men is jealous when their girl is texting with another guy, 23% consider a coffee with a guy as cheating and 60% is SCARED of women’s cry.

I was pretty shocked to see how similar Chinese and Polish men are. Of course I can only talk about the one who posted Kobietaidealna2their opinion online or took the survey but it still amazed me. There are some difference, especially when it goes to taking care of the family – Polish men think about their ‘new’ family that they’re making with a wife and a child, Chinese men on the other hand mostly think first about their parents. Both groups seem to prefer a family model close to patriarchal family, where girl is conservative (or open at the beginning, not afraid to ask a man out, but later let him to be the one who leads the relationship), man is a main provider. Polish men seem to be more conservative than I could expect. Also non of the group is happy about friendship between their woman and some other guy. Both care about their face – is it either paying the bill, on letting others think they are the one ruling (even if it’s not true). Honestly I wouldn’t expect Polish guys can be almost as conservative as Chinese men.

Knowing all of the above, am I a good wife for any of them? Well, to be honest I cook the best fake Chinese food you could ever try, I’m not really picky – I love any food, I have a great money management sense (I’m just cheap to myself). I’m definitely not second Ke$ha. I don’t make my husband lose his face in public, I just kill him at home in Lego Star Wars for all the things he has done wrong. I have a kind heart, unless I’m on my period – then I’m emotionally unstable crying, loving, hating bitch covered in chocolate and pain-tears. And yet, I still found someone who loves me back.
I don’t need to be perfect for everyone, being perfect for that one guy is already enough. 

What is your requirement for a perfect girl or a perfect guy? Is your current partner ‘the one’? Share your lovely stories and opinions! 🙂
https://www.facebook.com/myhongkonghusband

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21 thoughts on “好妻子 – perfect Chinese and Polish wives

  1. I enjoyed your post today. The perfect man for me is my 2nd husband. After my divorce I swore I would never re-marry, then I met Mike. Ha! He swept me off my feet and 8 years later we are still on our honeymoon. He’s the perfect husband and treats us very well. I know for a fact that I’m his princess. The best thing for me is so simple, he is a dynamite kisser. I’m 45 and still love kissing, it’s so romantic. When I met Mike, I made sure he was not wearing gym shoes and dressed well – I wanted someone who take care of themselves and had pride in their appearance.

    I always tell my daughters not to look for someone that has money, they can earn that themselves. Look for someone that treats you well, I’ve also said, you will not date a boy who has bad hygiene and manners.

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  2. I have just shared this with Tony, he is a bit stressed with the questions so let’s see his answers:
    – A woman who really enjoys moments with me (traveling, cooking and even fighting)
    – Perfect wife would always be there to support. Not only for the wife but for the husband too
    – A woman who does not make the man lose his face in public
    – Clothes not too open, balance.
    – Affectionate
    – The perfect wife will listen and accept advice when they are right.
    – Know how to educate the kids.
    – Patient
    – “It’s better we get more money than women, but more or less is also fine” – and he continues “I’m not so Chinese, actually”.
    – “Kind to people, unless she has the period, then I understand”
    – Can accept differences in culture
    – Able to stand on others’ shoes
    – Basic clothes, sport clothes. Something that doesn’t look uptight.
    – ” Male friends is fine, not like one week two times Oh my God. One month one time is also fine. But don’t be too close!”
    – Personal space

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  3. When I was reading through the list, the one about face made me nod my head. Taiwanese in general place huge value on ‘face’ and they will go out of their way to keep ‘face.’ So I am not surprised it made the list!

    And to answer your question, my partner is ‘the one.’ We complement each other fully and we have a mutual understanding and respect for each other. We have a lot of fun together but we also give each other space to do the things we enjoy. We make each other a better version of ourselves!! Love is the main factor of any relationship, but I agree, it goes far beyond that!

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  4. you made me laugh with your self-description. 🙂 thank you for that 🙂 maybe I will try your Lego therapy sometimes. XD

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  5. Love the new look of your site. As always, I loved Perfect Chinese and Polish Wives and all of your insightful views and your sense of humor and learning more about how you and your husband navigate two cultures. My inter-racial marriage provides me with many learning experiences and adds a richness to my life, and it’s fun reading about a couple that has many of the same experiences.

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  6. Hej, zdecydowanie powinnas popracowac nad swoim angielskim – piszac w obcym jezyku nie mozesz myslec po polsku. Mozna wylapac tutaj zwroty, ktore doslownie przetlumaczylas z polskiego na angielski. Duzy blad. Poza tym, radze Ci sprawdzac ortografie zanim dodasz post. A pytanie czy jestes dobra zona… sorry, troche zalosne.

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    1. Dziekuje za opinie, nawet pomimo pisania dla zagranicznych portali typu neehao uk czy heyamwf nie jestem native speakerem i robie bledy 🙂 jak sama bys to przetlumaczyla? ja niestety nie mialam innego pomyslu a czlowiek uczy sie cale zycie nawet i tutaj 🙂 co do pytania to myslalam, ze to oczywiste ze zadaje je sobie i sama sobie odpowiadam (czy w kontekscie tych opinii moglabym o sobie powiedziec zona idealna) a nie pytam o to czytelnikow 🙂 nawet jesli zalosne to trudno, niech i tak bedzie 😉 dzieki raz jeszcze za uwagi i motywacje do pracy nad soba 😉

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  7. What’s always been surprising to me is how similar the “wants” are across cultures. All of us really are a sorry lot. 😉 I’ve had particularly fascinating conversations with Czech women about this and stereotypes: Czech, Chinese, Canadian. In continuing the conversation, more beer was always required, specifically the dark Kozel beer … oh yes.

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  8. You really made me laugh when you wrote about the conversation you had with your husband over the lacy shirt he doesn’t want you to wear. My last boyfriend and I would have those same kinds of discussions over certain articles of clothing. And as soon as I questioned as to whether he thought that way because he was busy looking at other women himself, the conversation would come to an abrupt end.

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  9. This is an enlightening post! If anything, it made me realize that even though I am a Chinese girl, I am completely not suitable for a “typical” Chinese man. If a guy ever tried to tell me how I should dress or how infrequently I’m allowed to see my friends (guys or girls), that would be an immediate deal-breaker. I can’t imagine life with somebody who wants to control these little aspects of my individuality and also expect me to act like his maid. But I suppose since China and Poland are both really conservative countries, that way of life is considered the norm over there. In my family/social circle in America, that type of dynamic between a couple would be unusual, or at least raise some eyebrows.

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  10. Haha, your husband is a lucky bastard. My wife failed the top two requirements in a grand fashion, making me wonder if I should divorce her and start over again.

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  11. This is all so interesting. I don’t know many men who have given it this much thought. Or at least, not many who would tell me so to my face. It’s funny what requirements we want in a mate. I wanted intelligence and humor, and a man who could hold a job. Luckily, I got all that and a lot more. 🙂

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  12. I just came across your blog. Very interesting! I am an American middle-aged feminist. I don’t think I’d do very well with either a Polish man or a Chinese man, but that’s OK. (I’m married to an American.)

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