Few days ago on SpeakingOfChina facebook page posted a link to a book by Susan Blumberg-Kason: Good Chinese Wife: A Cross-Cultural Memoir. I started to wonder what is a ‘good wife’ in Chinese men’s eyes and how ‘perfect woman’ is seen in the eyes of ‘my people’. Do I qualify as a good wife? How similar and how different guys raised in two different cultures can be?
We did some research, checked questionnaires and summed it with a picture of a good partner!
What’s the most important for Chinese men?
- She needs to take care of my parents
- Very elegant, virtuous, modest
- Comes from a good family
- Has a temper
- Can think of her own, has her own taste and thoughts – can make up her mind what she wants to eat or when she wants to go, doesn’t say ‘I can eat whatever’ and then reject all your propositions
- Classy, stylish, knows how to behave
- Knows what’s important in life – at this point I asked my husband ‘Important to who? Her or him?’ and he just smiled to me and said ‘As a Chinese man myself I will be honest with you: for him. It doesn’t need to be true, we’re talking about perfect, probably imaginary, girl’
- Won’t make me lose my face – I don’t mind if she yells at me at home, but she should consider my face in public.
- Trusting, will give me my own space
- Has a stable income but lower than my own – again I asked my husband ‘Why? She doesn’t need to ask you to pay all the time, that’s good, isn’t it?’ and he smiled once again replying ‘We like to feel girl can depend on us. When she has her money she’s more likely to leave as well. As long as she depends on you there’s always a way to make her stay’. I think I married some kind of a psychopath.
- Very flexible about her lifestyle – she can go to a fancy restaurant but also go to the woods with me, not afraid to get dirty
- Reject trashy life – another beautiful quote of my husband ‘You know, extremely drunk, totally high… Just think about early image of Ke$ha’
- Bit childish, naive but not behaving like 5 year old who cannot get her toy
- Like reading, but books not magazines. Listens to good music, not some bad pop.
And who the hell are you to judge someone’s taste? No wonder some people stay single…
- Not a dead fish in bed
- Cannot be ugly, but also cannot be too pretty. Her face should be more I see it more beautiful it seems
My husband wanted to add few things from himself:
- Not too close to other guys
- Doesn’t dress ‘too open’ – that’s a real life example: I got myself beautiful shirt with lace at the back, cannot really see much beside a tiny piece of bra. And here comes my husbands logic ‘You look cute, but I don’t want others to think you’re looking cute. And there’s a bra. Bra means boobs. Guys will think about your boobs!’ but apparently he couldn’t respond to my argument ‘So either you’re a pervert who thinks about other girls’ boobs when you see a piece of bra coming out or no one really thinks that way. Either way – your argument is invalid. To be clear: I still haven’t wear it, at all.
- Cheap – doesn’t spend much on unnecessary stuff. I don’t mind spending money on a girl, you know it, but why spend money on something you don’t need. Said a guy who bought himself a pair of slipper and they still have a price tag on them.
- Knows how to cook, do the housework
- Is willing to take care of me. My 27 year old BB.
What Polish men find as a part of so called ‘perfect women’?
- 27% of guys wants a girl who wants a child
- 15% claim they want a virgin
- 11% would prefer a blond wife
- 10% want their wife to be around the same age as them
- 7% think they should earn as much as them,
know how to cook
- 4% want a girl who is self-confident
has big boobs (why am I not surprised?)
- 3/4 of asked guys like when a girl asks them out on a date
- 63% like when girls don’t wear underwear (wait, what?)
managing home’s budget
- 59% don’t like when a girl suggest having a romance
- 66% don’t like it when girl wants to pay in the restaurant
- 83% don’t like when a girl… is a feminist!
don’t like it when a girl goes alone for holidays/trips
- 86% don’t like when a girl swears
Additionally: 59% of Polish men is jealous when their girl is texting with another guy, 23% consider a coffee with a guy as cheating and 60% is SCARED of women’s cry.
I was pretty shocked to see how similar Chinese and Polish men are. Of course I can only talk about the one who posted their opinion online or took the survey but it still amazed me. There are some difference, especially when it goes to taking care of the family – Polish men think about their ‘new’ family that they’re making with a wife and a child, Chinese men on the other hand mostly think first about their parents. Both groups seem to prefer a family model close to patriarchal family, where girl is conservative (or open at the beginning, not afraid to ask a man out, but later let him to be the one who leads the relationship), man is a main provider. Polish men seem to be more conservative than I could expect. Also non of the group is happy about friendship between their woman and some other guy. Both care about their face – is it either paying the bill, on letting others think they are the one ruling (even if it’s not true). Honestly I wouldn’t expect Polish guys can be almost as conservative as Chinese men.
Knowing all of the above, am I a good wife for any of them? Well, to be honest I cook the best fake Chinese food you could ever try, I’m not really picky – I love any food, I have a great money management sense (I’m just cheap to myself). I’m definitely not second Ke$ha. I don’t make my husband lose his face in public, I just kill him at home in Lego Star Wars for all the things he has done wrong. I have a kind heart, unless I’m on my period – then I’m emotionally unstable crying, loving, hating bitch covered in chocolate and pain-tears. And yet, I still found someone who loves me back.
I don’t need to be perfect for everyone, being perfect for that one guy is already enough.
What is your requirement for a perfect girl or a perfect guy? Is your current partner ‘the one’? Share your lovely stories and opinions! 🙂