為何愛鬼妹? – Why you’re dating a white girl?

In the world of AMWF couples there are probably the only two questions that people ask. If you’re a white girl dating an Asian guy I’m 100% sure there was at least 1 person asking you about size of his private parts. image (2)
I like to respond with good old:
You know… Sing doesn’t have a leg…
Really? He looks like having both!
Exactly., and wink.
Stupid question, stupid answer

As for guys I think the most common is ‘Why you’re dating a white/foreign girl? You don’t like Chinese/Asian girls?’ – my husband had been asked almost every single time I was introduced to his friends. And till yesterday I thought there’s one and only simple reason why AMWF couple get together – LOVE.

You thought so too? Nope, that’s not the right answer. We Googled and Baidoed (is that even a verb?) reasons why Chinese guys dating white girls decided to get into that kind of relationship – some of them are really making me frustrated as a woman, some of them just made me have instant facepalm. And to make it funnier – NONE of them mentioned love.

Let’s see what they (and I) think:

  • That is part of my Chinese dream, having a white wife to show off on the street.
    If you want to show off get yourself a watch, don’t think about getting a girl.
  • I just want to have fun in my life. White girls are more opened and easy going, it’s much easier to stay happy and enjoy living when you have someone like that by your side.
    Ask my husband how fun is it once a month – just two days ago I made his life a living hell because of a fork and soup. 
  • I live in a foreign country for too long. I’m so used to the culture, environment etc. that I cannot imagine having any other wife than a white one.
  • serwatczanka-czyli-zurek-na-serwatce-w-chlebieToo many Chinese girls want to eat white sausages. And with one child policy in China and preferring boys over girls we are already having problems with amount of our own sausages – there’s no other choice but look for white in a foreign country.
    Well, I have to agree with those girls. Try Polish white sausage in sour rye soup and I guarantee you – you won’t want to eat any other sausage. 😉
  • It’s much cheaper to be with a white girl – they don’t demand gifts for 1 month being together, 3 weeks from 1st kiss gift etc. There’s no problem of naked marriage, don’t need to start a new life with a mortgage and can avoid all the drama.
    Have you ever hear about scams and gold diggers? Pretty much many of them are as white as I am.
  • No hope for Chinese bitches, so greedy, cannot do anything at home and still demand princess treatment.
    OK Mr. Brave – now go face your mother and every other woman you know and say what you think. Go ahead. Personally I think guys who don’t respect women, especially ‘their own’ women do not deserve to have ANY woman. It’s fine to think girls are more greedy, got more materialistic, that’s your opinion, but why call them bitches? And does that make you… son of a bitch? Argh.
  • I just love Eastern European girls. Their look, their accent, personality. I love everything about them.
    Well, I know few girl, including myself, who would ruin this for you. But let’s have at least one guy who loves white girls so much! 
  • I’m a businessman and I want to practice my language skills. There’s no better way than just live around someone you are forced to use foreign language.
    Or maybe just go to language school/course? All I could see was a foreign student applying to American school and saying ‘You know, I don’t have a TOEFL exam passed but there’s a diploma my girlfriend made me – we practice English together’. 
  • If you don’t have your blue-eyed angel you will have regrets. The day you die you will think how much you want to reincarnate and in your future life you want to marry a white girl.
    Weirdest. Answer. Ever. Is that guy smoking some kind of chinese herbs? To make it even more weird my husband popped out with ‘Aww, you have green eyes – now I have to regret’ and made a really sad face. Awkward. 

And at this point I attacked my husband with the same question. You should see his scared face when he said ‘Me?’. And neither did he answer with ‘Love’ – according to him he never felt physical attraction to Asian girl. Before me he dated white girls as well.

As for me – why I date an Asian man: my dating history couldn’t be a script for ‘Sex and the City’, it’s rather boring. I had two serious relationships (or at least I was the one treating it seriously) – my white ex and my Hong Kong husband. Even thought I’ve always been attracted to Asians, even my ex had Asian features on his face, I never really considered I could be in a mix-culture relationship and make it work out leading us to marriage. I grew older, I met people from all over the world and got a closer look for men’s behaviors.
I noticed, at least for men I know, Asian guys are more like gentlemen, they treat their relationships more serious and are less likely to give up. Of course I don’t say every Asian guy is good and all white guys are bad boyfriend/husband – that’s a bullshit, my father is white and I can say I wish all of the girls had such a good husband as my father is to my mother. Every relationship can give you what’s good, what’s bad and what’s ugly and for me I just took a risk to give a chance to that little bit shy, tiny Asian man regardless of culture differences, distance between our homes and I let him charm me.

That’s my answer: I just let myself fall in love with him. No matter if he would be white, Asian, black, Latino or whoever – it’s his personality that made me stick with him and made me take a risk to change my whole life for him. OK, that was cheesy!

What do you think of their reasons? Do you think physical attraction is all what some of the guys (not all need)? How would your partner answer this question? Share your thoughts and opinions!

41 thoughts on “為何愛鬼妹? – Why you’re dating a white girl?

  1. I loved this post. Thank you for a smile. Also in a biracial marriage. I am Celtic/western European something and he’s of African descent. We deal with out own set of issues socially. Agree whole heartedly on your last point. I would have married my husband no matter his skin color. It was his personality. When it comes to Asian guys, I would say it really depends on where you’re living in Asia. Rural Jiangsu province, not so much gentleman, though I met a few excellent exceptions. Shanghai has a good reputation when I lived in Nanjing of being where the “good to date” men where. But really, it’s a case by case basis, in my experience. And that goes for everyone. Again, really enjoyed the post.


  2. Great article, some of these reasons made me laugh (especially the white sausage one)! I once read an article written by a white woman stating that she dated Chinese guys in order to improve her language skills. So sometimes it might not just be one-sided. But I think in many cases such relationships do not lead to marriage.
    For me, it was the same reason as for you – personality – and I think for my husband too. When he was younger, his parents were often joking that a foreign girlfriend would be a good match for him (personality wise), but I don’t think they really thought he would one day bring home a foreign wife. At the beginning of our relationship my husband told his mother that he had met a rabbit and when she kept asking where I was from, he told her I’m from the Northwest and speak Mandarin with an accent. It must have been quite a surprise that I wasn’t from Xinjiang or Inner Mongolia but from Europe, haha.


  3. Wow. I’ve heard some pretty horrible reasons from white American men as to why they prefer Asian women (not as arrogant, skinnier, more traditional, the whole list of stereotypes) so it’s interesting to read about the flip side of this. In fact, American men sometimes have strange ideas about why they might be interested in a European/Eastern European chick like me 🙂 It would be nice if people could just see the person instead of the race/ethnicity….


  4. Hmm, very interesting indeed. Actually my fiancé had a joke when he was little to marry a foreign girl, but when he grew up he was dating Chinese girls. Then one day he met me and the rest is history. He doesn’t really like the materialism of many Chinese girls that have huge demands before they agree to marry. But interesting is, that like a true Chinese man, he does want to provide for me and work hard for our happiness.

    Why I chose a Chinese man then? Because he cares for me, he is serious about our relationship, he knows what he wants for our future and works beside me to get us there.


  5. Hilarious! I just loved reading your comments haha The sad thing though, I have heard a few of those answers myself. And I have also a few Chinese male friends who regularly ask me to find them a Western girlfriend stating many of the reasons you mentioned.
    For me ethnicity or culture or the country, non of this really matters. Nor does it for my hubby. It was love at first sight (as cheezy as that may sound). Some people just knew each other from past lives. I believe in that 🙂


  6. What about the dream of a mixed race baby? Biologically and genetically speaking, it is a must to look for girls in other pools.

    What about a vision to change the family history and explore the world? (Cos dating or marrying overseas is likely to cause issues or challenges that have never existed or would never exist if dating locally, is not life about finding out new things, creating, exploring and being curious? What’s the point of living without any obstacles?


  7. Good article! Loved it! I had lots of fun reading it.
    In our case our personalities match very well. We are very different but have many things in commn at the same time. T said he feels like he can be himself when he is with me. He can say silly things, do mistakes…never mind.
    R, from China Elevator Stories, said something funny, she mentions that her husband’s family told him that he would some day bring home a foreign wife…well my mother in law told us a story also. When T was little he used to use the chopsticks in a very weird way, his fingers were so low that he could barely manage them.
    Then his mom told him: ” If you don’t use your chopsticks with your fingers up you will only be able to find a wife in your neighbourhood. The more distance you put between your fingers and the end of the chopstick the more distance and radio to find your wife!”. Then he trained every day and one day he said: “See mom, now I can find a foreign wife”!


  8. As chinese myself,I can totally relate to this.I grew up watching american tv shows(only english subtitles) and stuff like that,all I can think about romantic relationship is white gal or latina.So when I turned to my puberty time,whilst my friends all got gf or stuff,I just can’t treat chinese gals in a romantic way but a sisterly way.So I got to explain it everytime why I don’t date asian gal,it’s not that I don’t like them,simply just I don’t treat them in a romantic way.That’s just the way it is.And the reason u mentioned above made me laugh,it’s just weird.


  9. Haha there are just as many stereotypes about white men and Asian women; I don’t need to tell you how many dirty looks I get from Chinese men when I’m walking on the streets of Beijing with my white bf. I do agree that Asian men “take care” of women more, but I can’t abide by their mothers lol.


  10. Hi! I really loved your post, it made me laugh! I love Asian men because they are family-oriented, fun, cute, and most importantly, personalities must play into it as well. I feel the same way as you that I would have married my husband whether he was black, white, latino, islander, indian, etc because I love his personality most of all.


  11. “Well, I have to agree with those girls. Try Polish white sausage in sour rye soup and I guarantee you – you won’t want to eat any other sausage. ;)” haha. I love your response to some of these reasons, some of them are just hilarious. Its a really well written post 🙂 It’s like we have the “same” story haha.


  12. Yes I am dating a non Asian woman. My previous Chinese girlfriend was violent and aggressive, esp when she doesn’t get her way, she is superficial and can’t seem to make up her mind. I prefer an independent and physically strong women, not a princess. I don’t care for her skin colour, only care about how she treats me.


  13. Fascinating entry. As a white man married to an Asian man, I’ve certainly been exposed to the similar sorts of questions I (and he) get asked about dating and then marrying outside our own ethnicities. At the end of the day, I think both of us feel that we didn’t get involved with someone because they were a “type” – we fell in love with them for who they were as an individual.


  14. I will add one additional thought, though: from my experience, generalizations about “Asians” being one way or another don’t hold up very well. There is such a range of cultural influences from Pakistan to Indonesia, Sri Lanka to Korea, and everywhere in between. No one answer holds true for the entire group.


  15. Very interesting post! But in my opinion, there is no explanation as to whom you fall in love with.

    I love the way you started your post and the way you responded to the ‘private parts’ question. I had a similar question regarding my husband’s height! When I started dating my husband, who is over 180 cm (which may be considered rather tall for an Asian man), some of my friends joked and asked me if he was standing on a chair when I showed them a photo of me and him. Imagine their embarrassment when I pin-pointed them out to my husband and told them what they had said about him when they first met him! It was all in good fun though and they all get along very well! 🙂


  16. I do not represent all of the Chinese folks in our town or province but I think most of us think that “westerners” are more open-minded about things, but they care less about traditions and “Asian manners”.

    It is also a common belief that white people are fine with free-sex (and kinky sexual acts), homosexuality, public nudity and many other things that will make your ancestors cry in their underworld abode.

    A friend of mine date a French guy (who works in a local company) and she is so bored by the frequently asked question about how “big” her boyfriend must be! L-o-L!


  17. Hilarious! Ignorance is not bliss, it’s embarrassing. Lol.

    We also get the baby thing, “Your children are going to be so adorable!” We choose not to have children, so that makes the situation even more awkward. Some of her old co-workers assumed I’m packing a third leg and she’s just a nympho obsessed with dark meat. Or my other favorite is that I married her because she’s a traditional submissive Asian woman… You obviously have NOT met my wife.

    I like women. Doesn’t matter what color, although I admit I lean more towards tanner skin over pale. Not all Japanese people are pale. Most Japanese people tend to think my wife is everything but Japanese so we have fun with that. My wife said she was always into brown or darker guys. That put me off at first (when we met) but I thought we’d just end up as friends so I opened up to her anyway. In the end, she’s my best friend and more.

    I guess I eat that same brand of cheese as well. Great post.


  18. Haha, that picture looks really interesting. What programme is that?! I’d be glad to watch it! This blog is so funny to read! 😀
    p.s. Paulina!!! Please reply to my emails!!! I am still alive, you know what I am talking about!


  19. This post is SO funny! Haha I love how you googled and baidu’d those answers, I never even thought of such a thing! All that talk of white sausage… ick.

    I think one thing that Asian guys have a hard time dealing with is the crazy emotional outbursts of white girls. When I’m super moody and feeling weird, sometimes I’ll just flip out for no reason at all (maybe Asian girls don’t do that as much?). I think we’re much more open emotionally and always want to talk about feelings and what we’re thinking, and I think Asian guys never had to deal with that before (maybe they think it’s mafan). Anyway, my two cents!

    Super interesting article! Haha, love your writing as always.


  20. Hi! Thanks for liking my posts. 🙂 Your posts are really cute. Agree with what you said about Asian guys =) I used to be really attracted to white guys. but after that phrase, i ended up with the most Chinese guy possible and it has been great. hehe.


  21. How did his family react to you? This sounds something like what goes on in Jewish families, except there is no way in. There is no way you can convert to Chinese, just like my friend who married into an Armenian family and another into an Assyrian family.


  22. Not cheesy! Being in love is the best! I Love your unique blog and thank you so much for liking my post To Cambodia with Love. Words can’t express how much it means to me. I wish you the best with your Hong Kong Husband 🙂


  23. You are so funny!!!! I love your keen observations on stupid people. I think there are extremes in all races. Most white guys with Asian girl fever say similar stupid things…The bottom line: people are stupid.


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