Good Chinese Wife書評- review of Good Chinese Wife

Probably most of the countries has its own version of phrase ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover‘, but in this case the beautiful outside hides very interesting and valuable story inside. 10254139_739975989381075_1896661005_n

Good Chinese Wife: A Love Affair with China Gone Wrong by Susan Blumberg-Kason tells the story of the author, how she moved to Hong Kong for her studies and where she met a man from Mainland China who was supposed to be the love of her life. Susan and Cai fall in love, get married but soon after things start to slowly fall apart. Even moving to the US and having a child doesn’t change the situation. First thinking it’s just all caused by ‘culture differences’ she tries to be a perfect Chinese wife and makes excuses for his behavior, complaints,  no support from his side, until one day she finds a strength to get out of that toxic relationship.

I’m not a professional writer neither even a native English speaker but I hope I can put my thoughts about this book here. I took it very personally for few reasons.

First of all for last couple of years I also tried to be a Good Chinese Wife, but just like Susan I almost lost the real me. She gave me strength to step up to my mother in law if I didn’t like her behavior.

Second thing is most of her story is settled in Hong Kong and San Francisco/Bay Area – places that for last few years been my home. When I read the book I pictured her story with the memory of those places I have today. I even once told my husband while driving through San Francisco ‘Susan used to live somewhere around here’.
Even more – Susan makes it even more personal by posting her old pictures on her personal page (click here) and Instagram (click here) so you can have a look on her infamous San Francisco’s house or her wedding venue in Hidden River. I read many books in my life but it’s the first time author let me be so close to her and let me see her world, not only leave me with words and imagination.

Third and most important thing is the book itself is in my opinion an eye-opener. For people who  think, just like Susan’s ex-father in law said ‘愛屋及烏 – Love my house, love the crow on it‘ which basically has a meaning like English proverb ‘Love me, love my dog’. If you don’t like something, don’t force yourself or try finding excuses but stand up for what you believe and want. Happy marriage is made from two happy people, not from one tip-toeing around hoping the other will be happy.
For those who cannot draw the line and hide behind ‘It’s just a cultural thing, it will be better in future’ – it might be, but the other person has to want the change. You cannot love for both of you. go1
Or for people like me, sometimes being ‘Cai’ – I used to complain to my husband how I dislike living here, but then I thought of my husband as Susan and me as Cai. Was he sharing the same feelings as her? Was I so heartless and I didn’t think enough of someone who supports me everyday?

It’s all possible because the story of her life is so well written. Despite of language barrier I didn’t have a problem not only reading her memoir, but I easily could feel her emotions. When she was happy, when she was worried, when she was scared, I could feel all those emotions inside. I read the book 3 times and each time I could feel the same thrill.

If I had to pick my favorite part of the book it would be… everything from the beginning to the end. But the part that is still stuck in my mind is when Susan decided she needs and she wants to make a change. You can read about a change from a sweet, young girl who did everything to make her husband happy, even if it meant giving up her own happiness, to a brave, self-confident and happy woman.

That’s why I cannot call her story as a ‘love story without happy-end’. She made huge changes in her life, grew up, set an example for women in similar situation, yet she still was able to give her son a normal, happy home. Not every woman can make it.

Who would I recommend it for? Everyone. For someone who wants to read a love story that is not another ‘Harlequin’ book and has a plot twist. For someone who wants a little bit of action. For those who wants to know more about interracial and intercultural relationship. For those who need some strength and encouragement to finally get out of a relationship that slowly kills. Or simply if you just want to read something interesting.
But maybe not for husbands: mine read it, loved it but now he’s using Cai as an excuse for situations like

Babe, I want chocolate
It’s 2 A.M., go to sleep
You’re a pig. I will never cook for you again. Tomorrow, at least.
Then read the book again and be thankful I’m not like that

But jokes aside - there’s everything for everyone in Susan’s memoir. I hope it will turn out to be a huge success because stories like her’s deserve it. Maybe in a year or two I will be able to re-read it again, this time in my own language.
Susan, 多謝你寫一本偉大的書, thank you for your great and inspirational book. I wish you lots of success.

Susan-Blumberg-Kason-author-photoAs for you, my dear Readers, you can win your own copy in giveaway organized by or order it online on:
Barnes & Noble

About the author Susan Blumberg-Kason spent her childhood in suburban Chicago dreaming of the neon street signs and double-decker buses of Hong Kong. As soon as she was old enough, she moved there to study. Her memoir, Good Chinese Wife (Sourcebooks, 2014), recounts her years in a Chinese family as a wife, daughter-in-law, and mother.

奶奶是一個女巫 – my mother in law is a witch

As you may (or may not) know I had a pleasure to meet my husband’s parents just month and a half before we got married. They knew about me, but we never really spoke to each other so it was pretty shocking for them to have an extra person in the family. Non of us had time to get used to each other. It’s been little bit over two year (yes, next Sunday Sing and I will have our second wedding anniversary!) but I cannot get over one feeling: my mother-in-law is a witch!image (25)

No, not that sexy-Chinese demon-witch, neither a witch from European fairy tales. Cross out witchy-mom-in-law from Polish jokes as well. In fact her look is pretty innocent and when she laughs you could even think she’s nice. As a matter of fact last few weeks she’s less annoying than my husband, but going back to the main topic: why I think she’s a witch?

In those past two years I’ve noticed there are weird things happening whenever we are about to meet or we see each other. Those thing don’t only happen to me but she also has impact for the environment. Let me show you some of the examples.

  • Weather gets crazy. Hong Kong people are used to having typhoons every now and then, but T10-typhoon is not really common. Just few days after we got married T10, Vincent, hit Hong Kong. I guess her sadness over losing son had a little delay. But it wasn’t the first time – last time T10 hit was in 1999. That was the same year Sing got his first Internet connection and discovered his first ghost-girl love, Hilary Duff. Also, back in Poland, my hometown Wroclaw is cold during the winter time but it’s not really often when the weather gets under -15C during the day. I don’t know the reason but whenever my husband went there during the winter time he never had a  chance to feel so much cold. Actually, if that’s a fact, I might now be a candidate to the Nobel Prize: Momzilla and her influence on global warming.
  • Animals are dying. That’s pretty sad but in 2012 when Momzilla came to visit my family, few days before her departure image (27)my beloved dog died. Yes, of course she was 14.5 years old which for dachshund is a lot and she was sick already for a while but I think she knew what’s happening. It wasn’t only her – the time Momzilla mentioned she wants to apply for a visa to visit us in America I found a dying bird in a backyard. Since she’s hear we also had a dead opossum right in front of our doors and I found a dead skunk. They all knew.
  • Spiders, spiders everywhere. I’m afraid of spiders, not just scared but I literally yell like I was hit by a car. They are disgusting, have big butts and way too many legs. Not to mention they are just little spies of devil walking around the world – I see no other reason why they would be created. And guess how many spiders I’ve seen last week? Four, including one in the shower (!) and one in our so-called bedroom. I didn’t want to put the picture, but you just need to see how big those bastards are. Maybe if those were the tiny ones I can easily smash with my slipper, but NO – let’s make sure daughter-in-law gets a heart attack when perverted spider watches her taking a shower.
  • Bruises all over me. First I thought that maybe I’m sick. Then I thought I might be actually dying. Later, after not sleeping for a whole night, I thought it was my husband who causes all those bruises when he dreams of being a horse. Seriously, no other explanation – either he’s a horse or Usain Bolt. Now I think it’s all because of her, maybe she’s making some potions. Or maybe I just need to be more active around the house so I don’t look so lazy, therefore I hit myself more often and look like I had a meeting with Mike Tyson. Good that at least I still have my ear.
  • Cats can sense paranormal activity. And evil. Biscuit is not the most active cat you will ever meet. To be honest, she’s one sweet lazy-ass, the only time she’s active is when she hears the food being moved. Aside of that maybe she will catch a fly or two, but most of her time is spent on the bed/floor/surface that allows her to lay down and sleep. Since Momzilla is here not only Biscuit has been active and running around. Whenever she tries to take kitty on her arms, Biscuit starts to meow and her pupils get huge. Unless Momzilla has some snack in her hand – Biscuit would sell her soul to the devil himself for some dried squid. Or maybe she has already done that…
  •  She has healing powers. Besides of course the power of hot water that can cure anything. Most of you 9on-coincidence-i-think-notprobably has seen a typical Chinese knife that looks like the owner was about to butcher someone? My mother-in-law has one too, luckily she still test it on me, but she cut her finger once. It wasn’t just a mark, but a deep, deep cut. I remember Sing and I almost got a heart attack, we left her with father-in-law and went straight to pharmacy downstairs for 雲南白藥. Did she went to a doctor? Nope, she just covered her finger, put some H2O2, maybe sprayed her finger once or twice with 雲南白藥 and she doesn’t even have a scar in that place. I hit my knee and I have a 3 cm scar there.
  • She speaks some kind of evilish (not elvish). Or simply Shanghainese, a language of the Dark Lord, Lord Vader and Momzilla. Often heard by witnesses of the exorcism. I can bet a slice of Black Forest Cake that it’s a fact – if you ever heard Shanghainese you would know I’m right and I would get fat with all the cake. ;)
    It is also said that witches talk to themselves and she does that too. I mean, she probably talks to her son but he chooses to ignore it and all I see is a woman in chair talking and talking and talking. And even talking more. But I have to be fair, I talk to myself as well. Maybe she’s changing me into witch?!

Those are just few examples based on ‘How to spot a witch – XVII century guide’. Coincidence? I think NOT! American Horror Story, season 3, live in my living room.

Just in case: I don’t really believe she’s a witch, I guess it’s just stress makes me see more things happening around me when weimage (26) are about to stay together. Normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to them, but since I always try to be perfect and ‘the best’ in her eyes it gives me a lot of pressure and my own mind says ‘Look, she has to be a witch. Or at least she’s cursing you. Trust me, I’m the same brain that told you if you eat a watermelon seed it will grow in your stomach. It’s all legitimate, I tell you’. Yes, it sure is and I’m a woman with a witch-in-law and a watermelon baby. Actually it would explain why after a meal I look like a Michelin commercial…

Do you have anyone like that in your family or around you? Or maybe you’re the unlucky person? Share your stories! :)

催生 – baby-mania

I cannot speak for every Asian family, but I can talk about my husband’s crazy family.

img-20130725-wa0000As a married girl I’m judged not only by my ability to take care of the house, in-laws and husband, but mostly I’m seen as someone whose destiny is to become a mother. In Sing’s family there is something I would call a ‘birthing standard‘ because I really don’t know how else I should describe it. For female you should at least have a long term fiance by the age of 25 (lucky for guys, there is no limit for them, they are the preservative to keep females young by marrying them). Checked. After a year of being married I should AT LEAST be pregnant. Of course with a boy, so the nutritious water won’t go to someone else’s farm.

This July it will be our second wedding anniversary and I’m not even close to call myself ‘mommy-to-be’. It’s not that I don’t like children and I don’t want to have them, it’s just at this point of my life I can play with them as an auntie, I can take care of them, but once they burst out crying – I’m leaving. That works like a birth control, because whenever our friend’s child is crying later that evening I’m like ‘Go away you sperm-bomb, today we cuddle tomorrow I’m pregnant‘. I just want to live my youth, accomplish things I wished to try, make our life more stable, besides Sing and I want to catch up with the time we’ve been in long distance relationship and we couldn’t just simply go on a date. If I get pregnant then OK, it won’t be a disaster, but neither of us thinks it would be a good idea to have a baby right now.

But it wouldn’t be so easy, would it? In our love triangle (me-Sing-Momzilla) there is one person who really, really, REALLY wants a new person in the family. Since you know it’s not me, neither Sing you can expect who is craving for a grandchild. Why am I even writing about it? Because few days ago she reached the age of 58 and went on full ‘future-grandma’ mode. She wants a grandchild so badly it leads to many weird, creepy or funny situations I want to introduce to you.

  • Auction. One baby, who gives more? Momzilla gives two babies. Will there be more? I see 3 babies in the back. Some people go to art auctions and use money. Momzilla has an auction, but instead of money she uses babies. Can you imagine I bargain with my mother-in-law about amount of children? You can only imagine how we show on our fingers the possible result, but it wasn’t that funny when she wished I gave a birth to 3 children… at once. So I don’t need to suffer that much. Well, if they have my hubby’s head size if one of them can make the way out the rest will just slide out. Add my big nose and huge feet and I will need a surgery.
  • YouTube videos. Remember when I was worried I will have nothing to talk about with her? I thought the problem will be solved when I introduced her to YouTube, write her down phrases to look for like ‘babies and cats’ or ‘funny babies’, but it actually created a monster. Grandmomster, I would say. She can watch those videos for almost 11 hours. Recently she found out a channel of Filipino-American couple and their daily life with a baby. From time to time she calls me to the room and shows the gesture of how she would pull the baby’s cheeks.
    According to this is how our baby would look like

    According to this is how our baby would look like

  • Creeper in the shopping mall. Or pretty much everywhere else. Momzilla has some special baby preferences, according to her Asian babies are not cute. Of course besides Sing, he is the most adorable child ever made. She likes the blondest babies. Is that even a word, the blondest? Anyway more blond the child is, more chances she will just suddenly stand and stare at it. I had to take her from IKEA’s children section because I was afraid someone will call security.
  • Expiration. In our family perfect age to give a birth is considered as 25, I’m ‘already’ 23, so sometimes I hear ‘expire’. Of course since I’m the person who will be pregnant she cannot say it about me – she says things like Sing is getting old (this year he will be 28), but I think in her heart she thinks like that about herself. Even if I give a birth at ‘the perfect age’ she will be 60. Less time with a grandchild, less strength to play and take care of. So everyday besides constant hearing a baby’s laugh out of her tab I see how she shows pregnant belly with her hand and says ‘Lina, BB’. Not like it gives me pressure or anything…
  • Pre-post-pregnancy surveying. As doing all of the above wasn’t too much recently during every meal she asks Sing to ask me how women in Poland take care of themselves before and after pregnancy, do we have a month to recover like in Asia, do we eat any special food, was my mom OK after giving a birth to me, who takes care of the child, doesn’t it damage the mother if she does things by herself, do you take a bath in Poland after you give a birth… and there’s like a billion more of that kind of questions. If you want you can share your experience with pre/post pregnancy period in the comment section! :)
  • Happy daughter-in-law is pregnant daughter-in-law. In my previous post I wrote that I’m getting along with Momzilla. It was even suspicious to me why she lets me win in the cards. Not only win, she will even make Sing lose just to see satisfied look on my face. She complains less, she doesn’t mind me eating Quadratini. I can even stay in my PJs until the very late afternoon and nothing will be reported as a complaint. And then I found out why – she knows that the only person who can give her a grandchild is me. I mean technically Sing has a sister, but let’s face it – she’s an elder Shanghainese lady, of course son is her #1, he will continue the family’s line and nutritious water will stay in our farm. I really love that phrase. So in order to hear ‘Na is pregnant’ she sacrifices herself. I’m not even mad, I’m impressed.
  • You give me a grandchild, I give you anything you need. Besides having an auction she recently tries to bribe me into having a baby. After countless arguments I why having a child in this moment wouldn’t be a great idea, I tried to be the most reasonable and asked my husband to translate ‘Mom, our life is not stable, we’re on a visa, we rent out a tiny flat in the house. It is not a good environment for a baby to grow up’. Cannot argue with such a good argument, can you? Oh yes you can, if you are a Momzilla. Since that day video-free time she spends on looking for houses in San Francisco, in Chinatown she collects those real estate magazines and browse the Internet. I guess my ‘I want to give a birth when we go back to Hong Kong’ somehow didn’t reach her ears…
  • BB, MiMi. I don’t know if it’s her grandma-instinct or she just doesn’t know how to handle or carry a cat, but recently she made friends with a Traitor, a.k.a. Biscuit. Traitor noticed that Momzilla doesn’t recognize when the kitty is hungry so any kind of meow is an occasion to get fed. In return Momzilla pets her and sometimes try to walk around with her in the arms, but she ends up holding Biscuit like it was a baby, moves her shoulders like you put a newborn to sleep. It’s cute, hilarious and little bit creepy at the same time. Especially if you could see Biscuit’s face.

My conclusion? Who has uterus has the power, even over Momzilla. hunxuebaobao8Now I only need to figure it out how should I have blond, green-eyed triplets, not like my husband’s dark hair and dark eyes made it already difficult. But jokes-aside. I think despite all of the pressure she gives me, she will be a great grandma. I’ve seen her with our landlord’s baby and I’ve seen by her actions she has a lot of love she would like to give to someone. But, at least for now, she has to show it to us and Biscuit.

Has any member of your family ever give you a pressure to have a child? How did you or how would you react in that kind of situation? Share your experience and opinions. Hopefully it will help not only me but also other people to handle it :)

和奶奶生活一週後的感想 – first week with Momzilla

Some of my new readers might not noticed the fact I’m Polish and Polish people love jokes about mother-in-law. Polish mothers-in-law can be really tough on their sons’ in law, so no wonder they come up with so many jokes about monsters-in-law. Just to make you little bit more familiar with Polish sense of humor, check those out:

Mother-in-law comes to visit daughter and son-in-law. He opens the door:
image (20)-O, mommy! How long will mom stay with us?
-Until I make you bored, son.
-So you won’t even come in?

What are ‘mixed feelings’?
When mother-in-law has accident in your car.

Man comes to the police station to report his mother-in-law was missing.
-When did she disappear?
- 3 weeks ago.
- Then why you’re reporting it now?
- Because I couldn’t believe in my luck.

You just can feel that love. But someone you don’t read about Chinese mothers-in-law and they are pretty good source of in-law jokes, at least mine is. And the one that belongs to Crazy Chinese Family (click here to read some awesome posts). She is THE CRAZY. Both of us got blessed with very specific moms-in-law. I already wrote little bit about her in my post ‘Tiger mother in law‘ but never really explained why my friend and I started to call her Momzilla. She deserves the title, believe me.

She’s really hard to please. That’s the most famous story I always tell and laugh about: in Hong Kong we went to eat out. I ordered a sandwich, they had hot dishes so it was obvious their food will come later. I started to eat mine, then they joined me. You don’t really have to be a Sherlock to figure out that I finished much faster than them. She later complained to Sing that I ate too fast which caused him a loss of face (!), but she also complained he ate too slow. Now we try to finish exactly at the time she puts her chopsticks down.

image (19)Try cooking for her. She doesn’t like meat, but she likes burgers. She likes fish, but won’t buy one unless I say ‘Sing would like to eat it’ so when we go shopping I’m like ‘husband likes it,  take it!’. She wanted crackers, I put them in the cart, she takes them away. Sing joins us, does the same thing I did and now it’s perfectly fine. Same with cooking – she doesn’t like this, she doesn’t like that. Fresh veggie is too fresh, spaghetti sauce is too creamy. My favorite quote is when she got little bit sick few days ago and her comment about chicken soup was… ‘it’s too chicken’. How should it taste then? Like marshmallows?

She steals my love. And I don’t mean Sing, she will always be his mother so I know that there will be situations he has to be on her side. But trying to bribe my Biscuit with food and snacks? Oh, hell no. You stole my husband’s attention, you stole my spot on the couch, you stole my seat at the table, you did the same thing with the car – I feel like a baby being in the back – but using treats to get my cat’s love? After my dead body. Or maybe I shouldn’t blame her? Who could resist those tiny chubby cheeks and gentle meowing. Sadly, Biscuit is a traitor.

Sometimes she doesn’t know how to behave. My polite behavior to her is abnormal or simply stupid. When we cross the street and I nod my head to say ‘Thank you for stopping’ to the driver she complains to Sing ‘It’s their responsibility, why thank’. I also clean after myself when I eat out. I stack dishes together, use a napkin to clean around – I’m not a messy person, doesn’t matter if I’m at home or outside. Besides I know people working in the restaurants have already a lot to do, at least I can make it little bit easier. But I still don’t know why she once called my throwing garbage at McDonald’s stupid – maybe that’s the culture difference everyone’s talking about. I’ve been told in Asia there are people hired just for cleaning the table, but I don’t like to leave a mess behind me, not to mention now we reside in a Western country so it shouldn’t shock her so much.

She could get us into trouble, just 2nd day she came. Don’t get her wrong, she’s an older lady, she never really seen black image (18)people in her life so all her knowledge is based on movies. And movies are based on the stereotypes, so when she went to the bus in our area seeing 6 black people at once she almost freaked out. She even used a phone to tell me ‘Lots of black people, afraid’. Do I have to say what skin color had two big men sitting behind us? She slowly sees how untrue was the image she knew – personally those people are one of the nicest I’ve met, the only bad experience I had was with a white older guy. Kinda ironic?

Everything is unnecessary. Drying rack? Unnecessary. Another shoe shelf (because her little prince got too many pairs of shoes)? Unnecessary. Little pleasures like milk tea? Unnecessary. How about first aid kit? Don’t buy it, it will bring you bad luck and injury. It really bothers my everyday life because I cannot get what I want or need, I need to first think 10 times if it will cause a fight or complains.

She talks. Talks way too much. She talks so much she had a sore throat. Or maybe she did this on purpose, I wouldn’t bet she didn’t. Anyway, she can go constantly from the time she wakes up until the very end of the day. Sometimes I rest on the bed, preparing to sleep and I hear her calling Sing’s name. Even at that time she’s well prepared to talk. Now he pretends he’s asleep. One of my dear Readers suggested I should turn on the radio for her, but then she might want to concur with the radio host. What if she get’s a job and working visa, then stays with us for longer? I don’t even want to think about it!

Honestly I could go like that for hours (changing into her), but that wasn’t my point for today. I’m pretty sure I will find a lot of things to complain about during those 3 months, I won’t lie about it. But I must say that my first week with Momzilla, despite all of the above, made me closer to her. Without Sing for most of the day we spend time alone. At first it was really awkward and silent.image (21) I tip-toed around the house not to wake her up and spend less time with her. Then she noticed my books and that I study Cantonese, instead of Shanghainese now she talks to me in Cantonese, she will talk to Sing in Shanghainese but then turn to me and change right away to Cantonese. She turns on TVB or other channels she can find in Cantonese. She even started to help me with pronunciation while my husband only helped me with writing and reading. That opened both of us for a talk, well it opened her a bit too much for talking, but it’s not so silent in the room anymore. She even asked me to teach her some English, it’s pretty fun. At least for me ‘windy’ is ‘Wendy’ and Biscuit changes into Biscuits since she says ‘cat’ like ‘cats’. When we cannot understand each other there’s always Google Translate and hilarious translations. She does things she didn’t do before – allows me to take care of household, when in her mind probably she thinks she can do it better. She even lets me take care of her. It might not mean anything to you, but for me it was a big step. That means she got close enough to me and when I think about it I’m almost crying. I even saw her childish side when we went to the park and she started to play around on the playground like she was 7 again. After all she said ‘Na, I happy. But too wendy‘. We went from enemies to quite close people. It took me almost 2 years of marriage and that’s one of my biggest accomplishments in life. I knew she had trust issues to outsiders, even to some family members and I broke through the wall that was between us. And believe me or not but she even helped me to win in Mahjong. Not a tiny, itty-bitty win, but 3 winds, 3 middles and a pair of fortune. Even when we play cards she tries to be fair to Sing and me, in the past she would do absolutely anything to let Sing win. I guess I’m slowly part of the family in her eyes. I’m really curious what those 3 months will bring. Either I will go back to see my parents with tears of sadness since I have to leave her or it will be tears of joy and ‘Master has given Dobby an airplane ticket. Dobby is free‘.

Have you ever didn’t get along with a family member but later you got close? Any advice you could give me? Keep your fingers crossed for me and stay tuned because I’m pretty sure sooner or later I will make another post about Momzilla! :)

亞洲女性崇洋?- are Asian girls xenophilic?

I don’t usually write about that kind of topics, but one of my friends asked ‘Do you think Asian girls are extremely xenophilic?’. To give you a background for this question I introduce you the story of Cheap Agent 689 (7 in Cantonese slang sounds like penis so you can figure it out yourself; it’s also term used for CY Leung, Chief Executive of Hong Kong), David Bond. am-af-wm
That self-declared professional pick-up artist encourage his friend to ‘steal’ a local, strangely calm, guy’s date. Video went viral, Cheap Bond kept posting videos he made around Asia, including posting a video of him having sex with a Japanese girl on one of the porn sites. Classy, isn’t he? Real gentleman. You would think that now, since probably everyone who has Internet in East Asia saw the video and they will stay away from the Douchebag Gang, but they were spotted few days ago in Taiwan, surrounded by girls.
Now with the background information I can give you my answer. Or actually two.

If my opinion was based only on the opinions of men, with no personal experience, I would say: yes, they are. They might not say it out loud, but click on any Hong Kong/Chinese/Asian forum and you will find quite a lot of men being upset, they say it’s unfair to have different standards for a local man and a foreigner (check out this funny video that pretty much could sum up a lot of online posts, click here to see). Even some friends of mine complain quite a lot that is so hard for them to compete with foreigners. Technically we can talk about double standards for Asian men.

But isn’t it the same for Asian girls? It is less socially acceptable for women to date outside of their culture/ethnicity/nationality (choose whatever you want), than for men. I can relate it to myself and Poland, which still is quite conservative when it goes to dating someone from a different country. If you have a guy dating a foreign girl in most of the cases videothey will hear comments like ‘Great choice, exotic chick, you must be such a playboy’. Even in one of the shops in Guangzhou my husband heard shopping clerks talking to each other ‘That guy must be good to handle a ghost girl‘. If you flip the people and you have a girl dating a foreigner it has to be either for his money or his penis. I cannot count how many times I read about Asian girls liking ‘white sausages’ – I mean, if you try real Polish ‘biala kielbasa’ it’s just delicious ;), but the perception of WMAF seems to be really bad.  And as a girl in interracial relationship I read few comments about myself like ‘He must have bought you, you gold digger‘ or ‘So Polish guys are not good enough for you? Wanted some exotic fruits?‘ and of course my favorite ‘You are shame to Slavic race, thanks to you it will extinct’. Of course not everyone is like that, I can also read many comments that cheer me up by seeing how open-minded people can be, but still sadly majority of them is negative towards girls. And as much as I agree why Hongkongers got so upset with the Cheap Bond affair, even I got really, really frustrated because – we like it or not – it will have an impact on the opinion about Hong Kong girls. It’s quite sad to read those comments since I know how it feels. I mean seriously, you can’t find Sing on the world richest people list in Forbes and as far as I know he’s not a porn star, then using wallet-penis logic, why did I even marry him?

Now going to my personal experience: honestly speaking I don’t have many Asian female friends that I keep in touch with or I’m close with them, but if I make a statistic in 10 Asian female I know only 3 of them had/have non-Asian partner. The rest of them never even dated a foreigner and openly say they are only interested in ‘their own men’. I think 30% doesn’t really stand for ‘xenophilic’. To be even more honest I know more white girls dating foreigners than Asian girls. So should I change the question into are the Western girls xenophilic? More opened? You don’t really see that many complaints, they are somewhere up there, there are people making that kind of comments but still it’s less often than in case of Asian girls.012de1b602c41461c250e5876a0d665d

Conclusion: Some people like blondes, some people like redheads. Some people like Asians, other people like Latinos, some other Middle East. Some claim they wouldn’t date a chubbier girl, some girls claim they wouldn’t want a guy shorter than themselves. I would never date a guy younger than me – that’s my preference. And even with those perfectly normal preferences, which everyone has, people fall in love with those they wouldn’t expect to. Of course there will always be people of both genders who see dating a foreigner as an upgrade, nationality or race, but I personally find it stupid. Love is love, knows no gender or race, it just happens. It can hit you no matter if you’re rich or poor, white, black, Asian. You can love someone totally different from you aside of your perfect person image. It doesn’t bother me if someone dates an outsider, I just hate assholes like David Bond and his friend, I hope we won’t need to see guys like them anymore.
Dating is very intimate case and I think we should not judge someone’s preferences and choices, as long as they don’t hurt anyone. Looking at it in a more optimistic way: more Asian girls dating foreigners means more single Asian men for girls loving Asian men ;). Just let each other love.

How would you answer this question? What is the majority of opinions you hear? I would love to read your stories and opinions!

我們相戀的故事 – our short love story

Kids, this is the story of how I met your father. DSC1Hopefully it won’t end like the TV show ‘How I met your mother’ because I just hated it, after few months I still cannot forget how much the writers screwed it up.

Anyway many of you asked me about the story of Sing and I, I usually replied ‘Long story short: while traveling‘. It surely works as a legitimate answer, but our story has a little bit of a plot twist which I will reveal at the on the post.

It was few years ago, both of us were after nasty break ups. I got cheated by my ex-boyfriend, Sing’s ex-girlfriend said ‘It won’t work out’ leaving my husband alone while she attended the same night to her brother’s wedding so I guess non of us expected to meet someone that could be our soul mate in near future. To cheer himself up he went with his friend for a backpack trip in Europe, including Poland. Until today he never answered me ‘From all the countries, why Poland?‘, but I can assume it was World War II history and cheap prices. Anyway, we were heading to the same direction – Krakow, but in our train compartment I was the one who could speak both Polish and so-so English. You must know that it’s still quite hard to find a ticket controller who knows and is willing to speak English. They got poked on their shoulders – that was suppose to tell them ‘Tickets, please‘. Here’s the part when me, sitting in front of them for the whole time saved the day. DSC3They thanked me, I started the interview for ‘Where are you from? Where are you going? What is the meaning of life?’ and it turned out we visit the same city plus Auschwitz-Birkenau camp in Oswiecim. From one sentence to another I suggested I can help them buy the tickets and we can go together, I read few books about things that happened inside the camp, I visited it many times besides… at that time my not yet husband was pretty cute (not anymore, sorry Pumpkin).
In those few days we all became good friends. I guided them a little bit around the city, meet up to eat some delicious Polish food and introduce them to Polish style Milk Bars (click here to see what you shouldn’t miss while traveling in Poland!).
Sadly, it was time to end up my lonely post-break up trip, they were going to Warsaw so Sing left me his e-mail address, probably he wanted to be sure even thought I have his phone number there will be no way we can lose contact with each other. After both of us came home, me to Wroclaw and Sing to America where he studied, we kept on mailing, texting, skyping (is that a real word?), he even confessed he has feelings towards me but he still was in friend-zone thanks to my awful ex who made me not want to have a further relationship with any human being with a penis. At the same dad I went through some personal disaster, my father got a heart attack. He was alone, my mom found him and dragged to the doctor. He said if my mom was 30 minutes later there would be no chance to save him. One missed bus from work and my dad could not be with us today. Phone calls, text messages, e-mails from Sing were literally spamming me. He just wanted to be sure everything is OK with my dad and me. After saying ‘good night’ I was sure to get a text before I fall asleep and when I woke up the text was there too. I think that’s how he escaped the friend-zone, because I caught myself (or should I say my parents caught us) on talking at 3AM of Polish time. Good bless T-mobile and their mobile internet. I couldn’t wait when he wakes up and we can talk again, we kept sending each other photos of our daily life, meals, friends meeting. We were cool before Instagram people. DSCF7029One night while we talked I decided to make a move and this time I was the once to confess how I feel about him. I wasn’t sure if he moved on and friend-zoned me this time but actually it all turned out great. He immediately went online to book the tickets and see me as soon as he had a break from school. We talked even more, until the day of his departure. I waited at the airport and then I saw my love in tiny-sized package coming out of the gate – I wanted to hug him but he thought of being more manly than he normally is (maybe he watched too many romantic comedies) and decided he will just suddenly kiss me (insert ‘Eww, get a room’ here). Then we did what normal couples do – enjoy each others company, blah blah blah and now we’re almost 2 years married next month.

Now some of you might be like ‘Meh, many couples meet while traveling‘ and I agree, but I don’t think many couples have a plot twist like we do. I didn’t want to put it inside the ‘original story’, but I really believe there was something in this world that wanted Sing and me to meet. Not once or twice, but 4 different occasions could happen before we both sit in the same compartment.

  • Once I got Sing’s e-mail address I thought I’ve seen it somewhere, I just couldn’t figure it out. Of course Hilary Duff’s song title could be one of the things that I thought it’s familiar, but it wasn’t it. Then it struck me – besides really awful song it was a nickname of a person I talked via private messages on one of the forums with Asian culture. I asked him is he the same person I once talked about some Japanese singers, then we just lost the contact and he was like ‘Oh my God, is was really you’. To make it more funny there was another forum with similar focus and guess what? We both been writing posts there too.  I completely had no clue that behind the nick there’s a person I will meet in real life without knowing it. It’s like you read someone’s blog, you know they live in the same area, you might pass them on the street everyday and still have no clue that is THIS person.DSC2
  • Keeping our at that time ‘friendship’ in a long distance we added each other on Facebook, but I didn’t really pay much attention to his profile. I looked on some of his traveling photos, I looked on the one I took for his friend and him, just casual, non-stalking behaving. Then my Japanese friend added some post that turned out to be a huge discussion with lots of comments and I noticed one person with very specific profile photo, so I clicked there and I think I don’t need to tell you more. We had one mutual 2 mutual friends – the Japanese guy and Sing. My Japanese friend was also a friend of Sing’s classmate in a language school in Japan. There was a tiny chance one day Satoru could meet me with her and she could introduce me to Sing. Can you imagine that?
  • This one is pretty recent because it happened last year. I often do posts based on what Chinese men write online – their opinions, thoughts etc. and Baidu forum is pretty good for that. I almost cried from laughing when I browsed it with my husband and we noticed that one of the ‘famous users’ (believe me, it’s not a good type of fame), known also by my husband is a friend from Mainland China I met few years before. How small is this world?

I like to believe destiny had a plan for us. It tried to make us meet on the Internet with forums we wrote in, it put people that were suppose to be a bridge between us, it even tried to combine those two! After all the possibilities it made us buy the tickets for the same day, same time, same train, same compartmen and sent a non-English speaking ticket controller, maybe to make him our little love Cupid.

How did you meet your sweetheart? Do you think it was a coincidence or a destiny to make you two meet? Share your lovely, heart-warming stories, I would love to read them! :)

為愛走天涯 – sacrifice for love

Love is patient, love is kind. Sounds familiar? I agree, but love is not only bright and happy, often it requires taking a tough path in life. Especially when people in love come from different cultures and are divided by distance that could be counted in thousands of kilometers.

Today I want to share with you our favorite AMWF love stories that changed women’s life and made sacrifices in order to keep the love of their lives. I hope I was able to translate everything correctly, especially the second story was pretty famous so just in case of any mistakes please inform me! :)

British girl x Taiwanese man and night market

Amy met her husband in a hostel in Beijing, at that time they both were backpacking in China. taiwanukShe found him really attractive, they talked and exchanged numbers. She calls it love at first sight. Year later they got married and moved together to Taiwan (first he quit his job and went for her to England). She changed her cozy office job to a stand at night market preparing fish and chips and other food. If you want a link to the video about them just click here .
Some people might not see it as really serious life change for her, but I think it takes courage to make such a big step, go out of your comfort zone in your own country, change your profession and take a risk if the idea will be good.

British girl x Chinese husband and a fight for land

Story of this couple was originally posted on Baidu, later it has been modified for many articles so there’s a chance you’ve heart about that couple living in Shandong province. They were living in the house of his grandfather, they had baby on the way, but at 102558036the same time government decided they needed their land for construction and gave 3 days to make up their minds. Grandpa didn’t want to leave his land so he and his grandson asked wife to go back to England and give a birth there but she refused. They refused to give the land, even thought she knew she will have many problems because of that, if I understand correctly government refused to issue the birth license (?! no clue about that, so it might be my mistake in a translation). How did the brave girl fight for her husband’s family? She called media, also foreign media, the story got viral and authorities wanted to negotiate. In the end they sold the land for more reasonable price, Joanne gave a birth in China, but from what I read they still struggle because the situation made them go on the ‘black list’ and she needs to give a paper for this, for that, get a paper from this and that institution etc. She fought for her family despite everything, knowing how much trouble it could bring her in future. 
Later I actually found an article about them in English so if you want to read it click here. You can see the slight difference between the thing I tried to translate and that post, but I guess it all depends who translates it and writes it.

Ukrainian girl x Chinese man and commitment after death

Nadya married her husband when she was 23. He came from Hunan province, but they weren’t poor, they had their family business and 3 sons. Everything was perfect until her husband got liver cancer and died when Nadya was just 32 years old. 0174D37EE3EB86B0D1FD9D52078E4187To make things worse her parents in law cried so much they became blind (some people might argue it’s not possible, but I’m not a doctor to judge it) and got heart problems. Alone with 3 children and 2 adults she needed to take of she decided not to re-marry, even thought she was still young and could have better life she stayed with her in laws, sold the company she couldn’t handle only by herself and just kept working as a bread winner (rice winner?) and a housewife. Every morning she tided her youngest child on her chest, make a breakfast for the family, take older sons to school, go to work, then make groceries, cook, clean, pick the children from school. She worked hard as a translator to send her children once in a while to see her family back in Ukraine. She even made their tiny 40m2 house bigger by adding a loft inside all by herself. Even thought her in-laws suggested her to go back she stay committed to her husband’s family. She won a contest for a ‘beautiful person’ of the city she lived in and I must say she is one of the most beautiful people inside I ever read about.  For her no matter how difficult it was she did everything she could and kept her family together. From all the stories this one is my favorite. She was still young, had so many responsibilities. She could easily quit and move on, but she kept the vows. If you want to read more about Nadya click here and here.

Would I say I sacrificed for my husband? Well, I packed my 21.5 years (at that time) of life in one suitcase and a hand carry, I 10305073_237585606431904_2119263446600673169_nhad to fly one week before I even thought I will so I couldn’t say goodbye to my friends. I haven’t seen my parents for almost 1.5 year now, soonest I can see them is later this year. I gave up my school for some period of time, as F-2 visa is forbidden to study or  practically do anything entertaining. I became a housewife, only a housewife (no offense to any housewife, I know how hard it can be but I always wanted to work and be a housewife at the same time, cannot get satisfaction from staying at home) – I never thought that would be my life. But would I really call it a sacrifice? I don’t think so. I just followed what my heart told me to do. I sometimes think ‘Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have done that’, but then I take Biscuit with me to the bed, slide under my husbands arms and I know I made a right choice. And I’m pretty sure that those ladies I introduced you today (nor any person in love) don’t think of their actions as sacrifice.

How about you? Have you ever done something you or others would consider a sacrifice for your partner? I would looooove, just love to read your stories! :)

PS My two big announcements! First of all next week you will be able to finally know the story how Sing and I met. Second of all is… my mother in-law got American visa and she will be visiting us for a month! NOOOO. So you can expect a series on blog called ‘Sad Daughter-in-law diary‘ or something, haha.

令女生們反感的男生 – men you wouldn’t want to date

OK, maybe only I wouldn’t date.

Probably reading my post you could find out I really like Asian men – most of them I know are smart, well behaved gentlemen. It gives me a lot of pleasure to do my ‘research’ for My Hong Kong husband, but life is not perfect, people are not perfect. We cannot like everyone, can anyone think of any person in this world that is liked by everyone? I think not. Same here – I love to read Asian men take on AMWF relationship but some of them really get on my nervespicard-facepalm

In my post I often refer to the opinions I find on-line, on forums, messages or simply I can just hear them. I think I’m quite open minded and tolerant but there are people that make me just facepalm. Literally there’s no other reaction for what I can find.

Let me present you my very subjective list of guys I would personally never ever date based on what they say/do. And if I did that would be the worst date ever, thank God I’m married and the only bad dates are with the man I already know.

  1. The Otter Guy
    Why TOG? Because otter is a word in crossword puzzle that refers to ‘Abalone Eater’ but in abalone in Cantonese slang means woman’s private parts. So you basically you have a man who is good with ladies or at least he thinks he is. In the older posts like ‘How to pick up a white girl’ (click to read it) you could read some advice and the one you thought are stupid are the advice of The Otter Men. In their mind they are experts in dating Western girls but when you are the actual Western girl and you read all the crap they write the only thing you can do is just laugh. Laugh that a guy who seems not even talk to a real-life girl gives advice to others. I think I don’t need to mention Mr. Know-It-All is like a guru to himself. And sadly to some other men who actually believe him.
  2. Trophy boyfriend
    Not really common type, quite acceptable, but I think I wouldn’t be able to spend too much time with someone who only focus on ‘Look at me, I’m dating a white girl‘. I have to admit that my husband was little bit a trophy boyfriend, but he just talked about it to me like ‘Wow, I really have a white wife. Mom now must feel stupid when she doubted me’. But some guys will almost make a tonsil exam by their tongue  just to be sure everyone around have noticed that. Or even worse – they publish the girl photos (or photos together, to be more real) on the public forum with ‘How would you rate my girl’ or ‘This is me and my wife’ and then there’s a whole photo shoot. I don’t mind my husband publish photos of the food I learn to make for him (yes, there are topics like that too – just to show off who has better wife, in their minds), but if he published our photos with my knowledge (and I’m pretty sure a lot of the girls didn’t have idea their pictures are now on-line, I saw one case myself: guy was making a screenshots of their We Chat conversation and by her specific, not covered name you could easily find her profile on Facebook) I would kill him. I don’t even need a chocolate in that case.
  3. Achievement hunter
    For me that’s the saddest and most disgusting type. And I mean here any person who plays with feelings just for ‘exotic experience’. If both of you just want to have fun, it’s OK, non of my business. UntitledBut when we browse forums and I can see (luckily very few) guys who say ‘I just want to have some good time with a laid-back Western girl, some wild sex, but I wouldn’t marry her. Too different, I want to settle with one of our girls’. If everything is clear between the two people, that’s fine, although I cannot understand that way of thinking. But  too bad that sometimes those Western girls don’t know it. Sadly one of my friends who let me share her story was used by 3 guys in past 6 years. First those told her how much they are in love with her, come visit, meet family (she met all of them on-line), then the relationships started to be more intimate. And when they came back to their own homes they told her either ‘What relationship? I never called you my girlfriend‘ or ‘You know, we don’t match, it doesn’t make sense’.
  4. Overly attached boyfriend3EB92B597CFEE69313D2A5186E0CACA1
    From what I have noticed, by people around me, not only forums Asian men, especially young Chinese men I know including my very own Sing, tend to be really attached to their partners. I think in a normal situation having a guy who loves you, who won’t give up on you so easily is just a dream come true. Yet, sometimes no matter what people split and it would be nice not to have a stalking psychopath bombing you with messages from ‘I love you don’t leave me’, through ‘I will kill myself’ sometimes ending on ‘You cannot run, you cannot hide’. Good most of the OAB are just cheesy, sweetie and cuddly instead of Freddy Krueger (One, two, Sweetie’s coming for you. Three, four, Better lock your door. Five, six, grab your crucifix. Seven, eight, Gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, Never sleep again…). You know how I mean *looks at Sing*.
  5. The Economist
    As you might read in my post about naked marriage (click here) it’s really hard for a young men in China to match their in-laws standards. What is the minimum requirement for a lot of guys is having a first payment for the flat, one of my husband’s cousin had the same problem. He wanted to get engaged to the girl he’s with, but her parents won’t agree if he doesn’t come up with money for a flat. Now they cannot get married because there’s not enough money. Imagine when you have to buy a flat, car, bring gifts to the bride’s family on the wedding day and still pay some for the wedding itself. If you’re unlucky enough to have future parents in-law following the ‘no naked marriage rule’ you should better start saving now. So our men on next issue of Forbe’s Richest People thought that since there’s no such thing as naked marriage in the Western world they will simply marry a Western girl. One of them even said ‘It doesn’t matter she’s not Chinese, good girl will obey me, help us on our farm and just be happy to be with me. I might not be as happy as with Chinese girl, but I’m getting old and I should get married soon but I just can’t afford it’. I have no further comments.

I’m not perfect myself, I could find you plenty of people who dislike me and that’s just perfectly fine. If I have to classify myself into a group of Western girls Asian men wouldn’t like to date I would put myself into either ‘Period Hulk with a sweet toothimage(I can kill for a chocolate during ‘The Hunt for Red October’) or Mrs. Proper (not like the bald guy from cleaning products) – I will suck a pleasure from your life by making you do everything properly. My husband sometimes feels like he was a Swiss watch. Well, he likes watches. And he loves me so I’m looking on a brighter side of bein a Chocozilla.

What type of a person you wouldn’t date? Is he/she on my list? Share your opinion! :)

波蘭女孩心中的完美丈夫 – perfect husband for a Polish girl

Since this year’s Eurovision song contest (and the ‘Milk-cow-song‘ Sing likes to call it) there’s a boom in my mailbox with questions the-perfect-husbandlike ‘What kind of a guy Polish girl would like to marry?‘ or ‘How to meet and be the perfect guy for a Polish girl‘ etc. that it’s just much easier to write a blog entry about it, haha. Just like in the post about perfect Chinese and Polish wives (click here) I gathered opinions from forums, surveys and my friends and made a list of the most common things Polish women look for when it goes to finding a perfect husband. Of course every girl is different, those are just the most popular answers and life often verifies the ideal version of a man with reality (and of course the other way). Let’s see what makes a perfect husband for Polish girls!

  • Wife and a child are most important, he has to be by her side and support her ideas.
  • ‘New’ family they make together should be more important than the ‘old’ one, big ‘no’ to mommy-boys. 
  • Resourceful – he’s the man so he has the biggest responsibility for the family, he should know how to get out of any situation and make the girl feel she can depend on him anytime.
  • Patient – with all the PMS, pregnancy hormones or just natural behavior a good husband should be patient, of course to some point.
  • Has to have balls. Not literally – he just needs to know how to find a balance between spoiling us and completely losing their own opinion. Cannot agree for everything, all the time because sooner or later he will be boring.
  • Preferably smarter than his woman – it doesn’t need to be a higher degree from a better Uni, but he should be smart enough to impress the girl and be seen as a ‘smart leader’ in the relationship.
  • Age difference is not that important but most of the women said they would prefer a guy 1-8 years older than them. 8, what a weird number to choose.Img397185023
  • Has his own hobbies and friends – overly attached partners are just creepy and kinda… scary? It’s OK from time to time to spend time just with your own friend, but they never should come before the wife.
  • Takes her of himself – many men complain their wives stop taking care of themselves but forget to look down on their beer-muscle or a stain on their T-shirt. If you want a good looking wife you should make sure you can do the same for her.
  • This one is my favorite because it appeared in every single post or opinion from friends and I can relate to it myself: don’t be cheesy. Little bit of romance is quite and can charm your girl, but if you get to the point she pukes with a rainbow then I’m sorry, the best thing you can get now is friend-zone.
  • Be similar and compatible – many girl wrote that even thought some people say couples should be like yin-yang to balance each other but if you don’t have similar interests, goals, view of life and future it will be impossible to make the relationship last long. Of course there surely are exceptions but I need to agree with this opinion.
  • A gentleman - gentleman is a man that will make a girl feel special, especially after marriage when the first butterflies flew away.
  • According to survey in of Polish magazines 3 most common things women were looking for are: sense of humor, intelligence and caring about others. The others things were honesty, creativity, need of adventure. So like they said – your private part’s size doesn’t matter as long as you know how to joke about it ;).
  • Tidy – nothing gets more on the nerves than a pair of smelly socks on the ground or dirty dish ‘soaking’ for the past week in the sink. How he takes care of the environment he stays in shows how he might take care of his family. Plus the ‘disgust’ factor.

il_340x270.359169826_pmzhEven if you think you don’t match the ‘requirements’ don’t worry – neither my husband. He didn’t even match my ‘perfect future husband’ standards when we married: that socially awkward cheeseman was able to escape out of friend-zone, took a train to Boyfriendville, passed the Fiance-station and make it all the way to Hubbysisco. Believe me, if he could do it, you can do it! As I said at the beginning – life likes to confront you with your expectations, but most likely it’s on your side because love can win over it.

What is the image of a perfect husband in your country? Does it match your preferences? Could you call your partner/yourself ‘the perfect husband’? Cannot wait to read your stories! :)

家庭對你的外籍伴侶的反應 – parents reaction to a foreign partner

Interracial relationships have to face many problems: culture differences, sometimes racism and… their own families.6-shocked-parents I must say that Poland is still pretty conservative and I think non of the parents there would be prepared that one day their little baby girl will bring home a foreigner. Not to mention non-white one.
Pretty much is the same in Asia, because let’s face it, it’s much easier for an Asian girl to have ghost-man as a partner than seeing Asian man with a ghost-girl, so it can be pretty shocking for his family as well.

As much as you can ignore second aunt of mom’s outside cousin, you cannot really ignore your parents, in the end they gave you the gift of life (and often threatened to take it back). Some people can be shocked and happy, some other might not know what to say, some other people can be racist - how many people, that many reactions. 

After few selfish ‘me, me, me, me, me’ posts we came back to ‘research posts’ and this week we want to share the list of parents reaction to foreign partners of their children – Polish girls bringing home Asian men and Asian men bringing ghost-girls.

EDIT: I noticed few people got confused – below you can read other people’s experience as an AMWF couples meeting each other’s families. After that (total of 10 most interesting memories in our opinion) you can read our take on this topic.

Polish ‘mama i tata’
Just to be sure everyone noticed – these people are not related to me neither my family and these are their quotes. I guess I need to work on my English haha :)

  • “My mom was pretty OK with my boyfriend, but my dad kept making racist comments like ‘Does he eat cats/dogs?’ or ‘Is BGToGFwCMAA4Ux1it true that their penises are small?’. It was disgusting to hear it at first place and even more disgusting to hear it from my own father. Luckily mom had a long talk with him and in the end he just gave up. I think he’s still not really OK with me and X. but at least he tries to act normal in front of him. Hopefully one day he can just accept my partner as a part of our family.”
  • “It was like interrogation but in a good way: they were so opened and curious about him, his culture, everyday life. Asked millions of questions, they really tried to understand him, his lifestyle. Then when we were alone they tried to show me why it might/might not work out, in their opinion, 1313192089468but after all  they wished us luck. The fact is we really broke up later, but it had nothing to do with my family.”
  • “I’m lucky that my sisters cleared that path for me: the oldest one is married to black American man, the other one is engaged with Turkish so me bringing home Asian wasn’t anything that would shock them. Actually the only shocking information for them was that I’m actually having a serious relationship and someone actually would like to have me as a wife. Gotta love them.”
  • “Honestly speaking my parents weren’t happy about my foreign husband but they knew it’s my life, my eventual mistakes and my decisions. I’m not 5 anymore to ask them for a permission and interfering my own business would just make us argue so they never bothered to make a comment. Now we’re married for 2 years, I can still see distance between the three of them but as long as we are happy I know they will be polite to him and take care of him, as he was their own child. What a weird family.”
  • “I thought my parents were doing great – during the dinner they used me as a translator and asked him a lot of questions, smiled when I told them his answers, it went just perfect. Too bad when he left back to his hotel my parents impossibruchanged their attitude. Kept saying how he won’t respect me, that they heard in China women are treated badly (Oops, someone haven’t seen my post about Princess Sickness – click here) and I will come back to them crying. Of course every single time he has seen my parents they were ‘the cool people’ again. They do the same thing until present, hoping that we will break up, but guess what? We are already married! Do I regret on not letting anyone in my family know? Not at all, I’m happy and I don’t need more drama, but I also don’t want to lose them.”

Asian men and their ghost-partners

  • “Our place is not a TOP destination for a foreigner to come so bringing a foreigner and introducing her as ‘my girlfriend’ made my parents silent for few minutes, especially I haven’t even mentioned to them I’m seeing someone but by the end of the day they were only talking like ‘So when do you plan to marry her?’.”
  • “In my family I’m a hero -download I managed to have my own ghost girl and my cousins keep asking me for advice how to get one for themselves. My inside-grandma made a huge deal of it and now all floors of the building she lives in knows I’m dating a white girl. I don’t even want to think what will happen if we ever break up.”
  • “I had only one foreign girlfriend and I don’t think I will ever have one again. I respect my parents more than anyone else, with my ex-girlfriend they could not talk to her, she couldn’t talk to them and she was far away from the image of ‘Chinese girl from 100 years ago’ they would wish for me. She didn’t want to hear about living with them, didn’t want to listen to their advice, didn’t take care of me as they would see it. Now I’m dating very conservative Chinese girl and my parents haven’t complained much about her.”
  • “My ghost-girl was my first girlfriend in general and I think it’s not her skin or different culture she was raised in that made my mom dislike her. I think my mother would dislike any girl I bring home, I have always been her little treasure and thinking about giving me away to another woman, scares her. Of course non of the women in this world could make me as happy as she makes me – of course according to her. We broke up because even thought she didn’t understand a word my mom said she could feel she’s not welcomed. It was tough for me and I don’t think I will have a girlfriend Steve-Harvey-Shockedsoon. Probably a girl who could match me in my mother’s eyes is not even born yet.”
  • “My parents reaction was literally no reaction. They treated her as anyone who comes to our house, I was proud that they didn’t ask weird questions or do things that are not really well seen in Western countries. But you should see my sister – she took millions of photos with her and let all her friends know who she might have as a sister-in-law. Whenever we go back to Taiwan to visit my relatives my little sister tells her friend to come over. Sometimes my bride to be complains she feels like she was an exhibit in a museum, even thought we’ve been together for few years it’s always a big deal.”

Our families

I must say my family was pretty cool about Sing, even my great-grandma (!) smiled to me and said ‘Oh, little child’. The only comment my parents made was ‘If someone told me before I will have a Hong Kong guy as a son in law I would laugh. I don’t mind that he’s not like us… but why he doesn’t like fishing?!’. My dad always knew the priorities.image (14)

On the other hand Sing’s family was prepared for him to marry a white girl. They knew he never dated an Asian girl, he lived in ‘white countries’ and since he was a little boy he made a stupid pose to the photos and brag how one day he will marry foreign girl. I think the only things they were not prepared is that I’m not Australian or American, but basically it didn’t really shock anyone. In the end, just like a girlfriend mentioned above, no matter what I would never be good enough to match Mr. Perfect-Son-And-King-of-Everything, so I just live with it.

What was or what would be your family’s reaction if you told them your partner is from completely different culture? Any advice for people who are doing it for the first time? Share your thoughts and memories! :)