We all know the stereotypes about Asians – small men with a ‘toothpick’, nerds, eat weird things… and cheap-asses. Some people say stereotypes have to have some roots in real life but is that really true? Where is the line between good money management and being Scrooge McDuck
Looking on my own Western-Eastern experience I would rather say Asian people care so much about their face, especially in front of a girlfriend, that they would rather pay the whole bill than take out a calculator and divide it between them. You don’t see white people in a restaurant fighting over a bill, throwing their credit cards or giving back the cash and putting their own.
Of course there are exceptions like one of my husband’s ex roommates – he always asked Sing for a ride, including the time he moved out but never even said ‘Oh man, maybe you need money for gas?’. When Sing was at school he sneaked into his room and ate his snacks. The day he moved out he took toilet paper and a light bulb with himself from their landlord. And whenever my husband told him he doesn’t like it he used the same sentence ‘Your parents can send you more’. Good to know my parents in law can transform into ATM for his roommate.
Good money management is a part pf what makes Asian rich – I don’t say buying half a bun will make you next Li Ka-shing (if you don’t know who he is check out my last post about Hong Kong memes – he’s one of them) but why buy 2 potatoes in Jusco for 8 HKD when you can get them for half of the price why would you buy it there? If you can save up a tax or parking fee why would you do that? When white people do that it’s totally acceptable, people are smart by doing it but when Asians do that… sorry, they’re cheap-asses. I don’t talk about situations when there’s 13C in the house and landlord doesn’t turn on the heating because it saves 60 USD, but how to save up by just simply thinking. My husband is master in avoiding parking fees, tickets, bank fees and he’s really proud of that. If there was a degree he probably would have a PhD at the age of 18.
I keep writing about everyday ‘cheapness’ but now I finally get to the’meat of the dumpling – being cheap on a date. And here is the funny part – we did a research on 3 big Chinese and Hong Kong forums and the only complaints about cheap Asian men were because their MALE FRIEND did not pay for all 5 of GIRLS during karaoke. Friend to a friend, we couldn’t find a single example about a guy being cheap to his girlfriend.
If I have to compare, only by my own very small experience, I would say in my case Asian men are much more generous than white guys. My previous relationship wasn’t the best that ever happened to me, we never really go out, if so we sit on the bus stop and I was the one who always go see him because paying for 5PLN for a bus to see me was way too much, but when his friend called he would even find 10PLN so they could drink a beer. Then I have my husband – I asked him for a doughnut before Fat Thursday instead he bought me twelve. But that actually came from his cheapness ‘If I get one it’s 1.50 USD but for 12 I pay only 10USD’. Generosity coming out of cheapness. Only Sing can do it.
But that is only my private opinion based on my not so exciting love life, especially my dad is 100% Polish and he’s not cheap at all – he prefers to spend more for a better quality and he’s a generous man in general towards people he loves. To be fair when I googled ‘paying on the first date savoir vivre’ the first result was about Polish people with ‘First of all, you do have to behave no worse than Polish men do. Polish men are gentlemen’. I guess I was unlucky one.
But it makes me feel much better I wasn’t the only one. As I said I couldn’t find anything about cheap Asian guys – and by cheap I mean far more worse than splitting the bill on the first date so I just gathered the most funny and shocking stories from one of the most popular Polish forums. My fellow girls shared their stories in a topic called ‘The cheapest guy‘ (click here - for native Polish speakers).
Sit back, grab a drink and thank God/Buddha/your guts that you didn’t need to deal with guys like those or show it to your girlfriend if she ever complains about you!
- We decided to go for 3 days to Gdansk. Why bother with renting a room for two people when you can rent out for one? You can just throw me on a ground and sleep on your own in bed. At the same trip we went to a quite fancy restaurant and he pulled out a huge juice from Biedronka (one of the cheapest chain stores in Poland) and drinks it out of the bottle – my face was priceless.
- My ex did shopping like this: we went to a shop, he made the shopping cart full and said ‘Sweetie, I’ll pay’ and after that he just disappeared and I was left there alone and angry. ‘Thank God’ I was always able to find him after paying when he ‘somehow’ found his way to the exit. It didn’t happen all the time, just few times. He worked and I was just a student. About his cheapness I could write really a lot.
- My friend told me that she went out with her friends to eat pancakes. She ordered the one with sauce (they were more expensive) and her friend seeing it said that since they give so much of the sauce he will take some from her instead of paying extra. He took out a spoon from a sugar-bowl and just poured sauce from her dish.
- After a break up with my boyfriend – he cheated on me – I asked him him to give me back all the money he borrowed from me. It was around 5000PLN (~1640USD), I even told me he can pay me little by little, because it’s a big money he might not have right now. In return he told me that he counted all the time I ate dinner at his place – he lived with parents and they were the one to spend those money – and according to him it’s me who owes him the money. We’ve been together for 3 years.
- I was with my ex for 4 years, we lived together almost from the very beginning. We had our own toilet papers and he protected his as it was his own eye. When we drive his car he counted gas & parking fees so I can give him back the money. He used to walk 2km to the shop and to come back because he could save 1PLN. He even complained to my mom SHE bought me a new purse. Once I took a tea spoon of mustard from ‘his’ shelf in the fridge – he told me next time we go shopping I need to buy him a new one. Why go on holidays? It’s expensive! You need to take me to the doctor? Complain for next week how expensive it was. He wasn’t from poor family, his parents were fantastic. We gave each others a ride, give each other tiny gifts with no occasion, we had great time together. I don’t know what was wrong with him.
- A guy is his 40′s, classy and a lot of money. He is a regular client in a shop I work. One day he came and bought a lot of things saying it’s for a girl he likes as a birthday gift. I suggested I can pack it for him. He said OK so I started to take off the price tags and he said ‘NOOOOO! Please keep the price tags, so she can see it. She needs to buy me something in return and she needs to know how much I spent for her!’
- My friend had a similar situation with counting for staying overnight when she stayed at his boyfriend’s place. He was closer to 30 than 20, but still lived with them. She came to see him from another city. During one morning his mother gave her the bill: used water – X, used electricity – Y, slices of bread – Z etc. Later she was coming there with her own groceries. I admire her, because in my case they wouldn’t see me again.
- Our first date. He asked me to stay at his place – I suspect it was from his cheapness. I got hungry so I suggested we can order a pizza. He said he has tomatoes at home and I can eat one, his mom taught him not to spend unnecessary money. I said we can slip the bill and still he rejected. In the end I ordered and paid for myself but of course he ate it as well. He also said that he ate less so it’s normal that I paid. It was our last date.
- Not my guy, just a friend. We’re in the club, it’s late, there’s no one sitting at the table and I hear him saying ‘Oh! Someone left so many beers and they are almost full’ and started to look as happy as a child in a candy shop. He took them and wanted to put it on our table, I told him ‘Eww, get real. I won’t drink beer after someone I don’t even know’ and then a security guy sitting next to the bar yelled at him ‘Hey, leave those beers’. I was so ashamed I thought I’ll die there. In the end he went to buy his own beer.
- It was 3,4 years ago. My first date ever with a guy I knew for about half a year as a friend. He wanted to meet up, but I said I had no money at that time to even order a pizza. He calmed me down and said he will pay. I felt uncomfortable, I said I’m sorry and that I’ll give him the money back as soon as I get money. He ordered quite expensive one plus coke for yourself. We ate… more like he ate really fast like he was scared I’ll eat more than him. One slice was gone in two bites. He took another piece even if he still didn’t chew the previous one. In total I ate 2 slices, he ate 6. He stood up and said he’s going to pay… and he didn’t come back. I wait 15 minutes, I thought he went to use a restroom, but he wasn’t there so I wanted to go out but the lady stopped me that the bill is not paid. I had to call my mom to bring me the money. The next day I got a text message ‘Sorry that I was gone but I had no money’.
There’s 94 pages of that kind of stories, it came to the point where people were writing not only about boyfriends or partners, but family, friends, mothers – in the end it’s all in people’s character and how they were raised rather than in ethnic background.
Have you even been on met a real cheap-ass? Or maybe been on a date with one? How do you feel about stereotype of ‘cheap Asian’? Share your experience and funny stories!